Away from home and partner gone missing, help

[Discopanda]

Posting here for traffic. We're in Brighton for the weekend and last night got a babysitter so we could go out for a few drinks. When we got in just before 12, DP went with babysitter to get cash to pay her, hasn't come back since. I guessed he'd gone on for a couple more drinks but everywhere will be closed now. His phone is off (it was low on battery when we were out), I don't have a working mobile just my laptop, he's got the only door key and I can't drive, so I am literally stuck here with our 2 DDs (1 and 4), check out is at 4 and I've got all our things and have no idea how I'm even going to be able to take the girls downstairs for breakfast without the key card to get back in after. I was considering calling the local A&E to see if he's got hurt or injured but don't want to wake them up. What do I do?!?!

[trafalgargal]

Assuming much Nicki? not everyone on Mumsnet is in their first relationship Dear.

Some people are talking genuine life experience not imagination. Some people even have equal relationships not the MN "you must be in control of him" nonsense so often spouted on here. This thread was really unsupportative of the OP in places ......really disgusting.

[JudyCoolibar]

Gawd, yet more extrapolation. OP knows a hell of a lot more about the situation and, far from leaving TB, has gone home with her DH and doesn't feel it necessary to discuss it further. So maybe we could pack in endlessly picking over the very very limited information that is available?

[NickiFury]

Why the obnoxious "dear"?

I didn't bother to read the rest of it after that. It's clear you're after a different kind of discussion and I am not in the mood for that

[DelicatePreciousThing1]

Using "dear"is the point at which you lose. Always has that through gritted teeth sound about it though - which is somewhat amusing!!

[NickiFury]

And judy I was addressing another poster and a rather unpleasant criticism they levelled at posters on the thread, not picking over the OP or extrapolating her situation, just discussing why people might have the thoughts they did.

[NickiFury]

indeed delicate.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I can only assume those of you who think this behaviour is normal have either had the good luck never to have an alcoholic in your life or are sticking your heads in the sand.

He has a history of getting loud and angry after a few drinks;
He doesn't know when to stop; (" a nightcap" is a nice euphemism)
He drinks on his own;
His drinking causes problems for other people;
His drinking lands him in trouble with the police.

All classic signs.

[WeekendAway]

Writerwannabe very nicely summed up, thank you. Saves me the bother.

[Discopanda]

Hi all, sorry have been too busy to come back to this. Thank you to those of you who've shown support, obviously I can't talk to my friends or family IRL about this situation because they would be fuming, I've even checked the number in his call history and it was our primary bank he was speaking to. I think he's learned from this mistake and we're going to move on.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

Panda - why bother. Whether he's lying or not (he is) the bloke sounds a complete and utter bellend. Why put yourself through this again and again? You're worth so much more. And so are your kids.

[VoldysGoneMouldy]

I think you need to consider one of the things you've just said. You can't tell your family and friends in real life.

Any action by your partner which you feel stuck to secrecy with is a concern, a huge red flag.

[blinkowl]

Discopanda thanks for the update, I hope you're OK.

Please can I ask, why do you feel you can't talk to family and friends? It's his behaviour not yours. You need support.

[AnyFucker]

Your family would tell you he is a dead loss if you told them.

And they would be right.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

So sorry Disco .

You don't need to keep his behaviour hidden from the people who care for you. You don't need to cover up for him or feel embarrassed about him. Your true fandf will support you.

[VanillaSugar]

[LyndaNotLinda]

Disco :(

I'm sorry you don't feel able to get RL support.

FWIW we're always here to listen if you need to talk

[chattygranny]

Disco I'm sorry, I haven't read every single post but f you don't want to share these issues in RL you can contact AlAnon who support the families of people with a drink problem. I know a family who found them a great support.

[CotswoldStrife]

Please speak to someone about this - you need support for yourself and your children.

[Mix56]

I think you must be used to this utter lack of consideration.
Even if you ignore the fact that you were stuck in a hotel room alone, in a strange town, with 2 small kids, & no phone & money...
Not even considering the drink problem, & the possible lying. (& as we have seen a couple of people think this is as "putting tabs on people".)
but I would call it decent common respect & love to NOT go off drinking & leaving the "little mug woman" alone on a special w/e break with the children.
I mean, why bother going for a w/e with wife & kids if you then abandon them
So maybe he has learned a lesson......well I do hope so. but I think you need to crank up your level of self esteem & not accept anymore shit from this Tosser

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Surely it would be a good thing if other people were angry with him? That would underline that he was wrong.