Away from home and partner gone missing, help

[Discopanda]

Posting here for traffic. We're in Brighton for the weekend and last night got a babysitter so we could go out for a few drinks. When we got in just before 12, DP went with babysitter to get cash to pay her, hasn't come back since. I guessed he'd gone on for a couple more drinks but everywhere will be closed now. His phone is off (it was low on battery when we were out), I don't have a working mobile just my laptop, he's got the only door key and I can't drive, so I am literally stuck here with our 2 DDs (1 and 4), check out is at 4 and I've got all our things and have no idea how I'm even going to be able to take the girls downstairs for breakfast without the key card to get back in after. I was considering calling the local A&E to see if he's got hurt or injured but don't want to wake them up. What do I do?!?!

Agree totally with bibbitt and others.

I read a few posts v early this morning when OPs husband was still missing. I didn't have a chance to come back sooner but I was thinking about her today, and hoping he'd turned up. So I'm glad to see he has, and they're all ok.

Many of the responses on here, especially after he pitched up are a fucking disgrace. People saying he's obviously a liar/ shagger/ user of prostitutes/ can't be trusted.

Bullshit.

Not every case has more to it. Just because your sister's mates next door neighbours third cousins ex window cleaner once got arrested for drunk and disorderly and was in prison for 5 days doesn't mean that's the case here. Fucking hell, are people unable to see that not every case is the same? Not all men if they go out unaccompanied for a couple of hours are fucking the babysitter, a prostitute or a rent boy. It's actually pretty poor that so many posters jump to that conclusion, is that really how you think normal men behave? If so you must have some very strange life experiences and I'm sorry for you.

I think the OPs DH is a bit of an idiot for getting his card stolen but tbh in places like Brighton in summer there will be a lot of v clever distraction artists so it can easily happen especially if you're a bit tipsy/ relaxed/ have had a nice eve and aren't on your guard. He shouldn't have kicked off, but again, it's being a bit drunk and the shock/ fear of being robbed. It's not ideal but I'm sure the OP has said as much, and how worried she was (and I'm sure he feels shit about that). The going back out for a drink, well it's no big deal surely? If we'd had to get back for a sitter when the kids were small, I wouldn't have minded my DP popping out for an extra drink, just as he'd have been happy if I had. It's either that or you're both sat in silence in the hotel room trying not to make a noise that might wake the DC.

I can understand the desire to speculate and gossip, but this is someone's ACTUAL life. I despise the whole 'he must be lying because he's a man, and because I've made my mind up that he's unfaithful/ on drugs/ etc' crap some posters trot out time after time with no shred of proof. It's why gives MN a bad name, and why I despair of this place sometimes.

OP, hope you're ok and you get a decent night's sleep tonight.

Hear, hear

Well said Velvet.

Spot on Velvet. People need to step away from watching CSI and Jeremy Kyle, It's a bad concoction.

Well said velvetspoon.
People are very quick to find the worst possible scenario. Glad he's safe and well Disco panda x

velvet you'd really be happy if you and your husband had gone out for the night, he'd left with the babysitter to go and withdraw money to pay her and then just decided to go for an extra few drinks without saying anything? Would you not be worried about him? Or wonder why after a lovely night out together, rather than finish the evening with you and looking forward to spending the last day of the holiday with his family his preferred option was to leave you at the hotel on your own without a clue where he was while he went out for a few more hours without saying a word?

Because that's not how normal men in my world behave either.

In my world we'd tell each other and if we had no way of doing so, we wouldn't do it.

I agree that the speculation got out of hand.

The drama llamas really went to town Ugh

Prostitutes, babysitters from a reputable agency behaving unprofessionally , rent boys .... Some of you must have really shitty marriages if these are your first thoughts.

As a data point my neighbours used to frequently argue so badly that whichever got the most mouthy was taken off to the cells for a few hours to cool off and then chucked out before breakfast without charge . Brighton police get more than their fair share of idiots so a similar policy to arrest ,hold and quick release rather than get stuck in a paperwork mountain with little chance of conviction would make sense....especially if the person concerned isn't local and will be leaving the area once released rather than a local ongoing problem.

Does the OH have a problem with her OH ....of course she does, he sloped off for a few extra drinks and then got himself into a situation. She posted for support and got a load of bitter cheated upon harridans letting rip with complete over reaction . The OP even got slated for going out for a few drinks once her kids were in bed despite using a reputable babysitting agency and accused of coming back drunk herself (no proof or indication she was or even that her drinks were alcoholic ......but that won't stop a good MNer on a witch hunt)

Her OP got into a pickle ,was probably hoping she was asleep and he could sneak in whilst she was still sleeping rather than sitting up worrying. Not the wisest move but the children were sleeping and if he'd called her through the hotel switchboard he'd have inevitably have woken them . I do understand him not ringing as she didn't have a mobile to text.

Was he an idiot ....yes. Does the OP have every right to be pissed off and angry with him ...yes of course, does that give people the right to prey on her fears and make a difficult situation much worse with their outlandish fantasies gleaned from either the News of the World or their own shitty experiences (or fears) of their partners shacking up with a babysitter or rent boy ...No it doesn't.

Finally more good sense here.

Er, he went out late at night leaving his wife and small children and got himself arrested through drunken behaviour. I think that's one of the worst scenarios that could have happened.

There's so many fucking drama llama's on here

And now the thread has turned full circle and the guy who disappeared for the night, got pissed and arrested has just 'got himself into a pickle' .

No one says what he did was an example of perfect parenting and partnership.

But that wasn't what OP was worried about. She was worried about the missing bit, not about the state of he marriage.

Do you all have perfect husbands/partners?

I've been the victim of theft of my cards a couple of times, I have seen the Police to report it but not once have they needed to arrest me because I've made such a fuss. That's not normal, even with drink involved.

I agree that some of the speculation has been unhelpful, but there is no way what happened is an average night out.

Hang on. An otherwise reliable man decides to vanish in the night because he so desperately wants to get pished on his own, but considerately decides not to ring his frantic wife because that might wake the kids?

You can't possibly be serious. A pickle? He was fucking arrested.

Do you all have perfecthusbands/partners?

I'm a little surprised by the various posters now making light of the carrying on drinking as if it were perfectly reasonable.

There is a world of difference between wanting to carry on until the late (or early hours of the morning) If you are having fun with friends or your partner and setting off solo leaving your partner behind. In one it's the fun and socialising you are continuing and the alcohol is incidental ; the other is purely about the alcohol.

Calling his behaviour "Getting himself into a pickle" is as ridiculous as the assumptions he went off with the sitter.

Do you all have perfect husbands/partners?

Why does this shite always get spouted?

There's a whole realm of behaviour between perfect and not fucking off on your family to get pissed alone, knowing your wife has no way of contacting you and then getting arrested.

*And fucking off. Not 'not fucking off'.

I dare say a lot of us have been completely plastered at some time in out lives.

He didn't set out to get arrested did he?
He doesn't don't know he was going to have his cards stolen.

I find it so sad that The first thing people assume is the someone's gone to a psostitute or is shagging the baby sitter.
Tells me more about the state of those people relationships TBH.

or their own shitty experiences (or fears) of their partners shacking up with a babysitter or rent boy ...No it doesn't

If in the (completely theoretical because we would have sorted it in advance ) situation of my husband having to go back out to get cash to pay the babysitter and not returning I would assume he had been mugged. No "shitty experiences" here.

He didn't set out to get arrested did he?
He doesn't don't know he was going to have his cards stolen

The poor baby.

He set off to continue consuming alcohol on his own. Maybe those of you who are making excuses for him think solo drinking is just fine as opposed to being an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

you don't have to have a perfect husband or never have gotten drunk to think that pissing off drinking after a nice night out with your wife (having gotten a babysitter in so they could spend some couple time together) without telling her you're going and leaving her stuck in a hotel room with 2 young kids, no mobile and no way of knowing if you're alive or dead is shit.

and those who have had shitty relationships in the past colouring their thinking and took the trouble to post on here and say how their ex used to do similar to them were trying to support the OP and don't need sneering at.

Support is one thing, inventing lurid scenarios involving baby sitters and prostitures is not supporting.
It's prurient, not supportive.

Chardonnay I think I posted at least 3 posts on how ridiculous (and misogynistic) the comments about the babysitter were.

There is nothing supportive in trying to downplay and minimise problem drinking leading to behaviour sufficiently aggressive to get arrested as just "getting into a pickle"