Away from home and partner gone missing, help

[Discopanda]

Posting here for traffic. We're in Brighton for the weekend and last night got a babysitter so we could go out for a few drinks. When we got in just before 12, DP went with babysitter to get cash to pay her, hasn't come back since. I guessed he'd gone on for a couple more drinks but everywhere will be closed now. His phone is off (it was low on battery when we were out), I don't have a working mobile just my laptop, he's got the only door key and I can't drive, so I am literally stuck here with our 2 DDs (1 and 4), check out is at 4 and I've got all our things and have no idea how I'm even going to be able to take the girls downstairs for breakfast without the key card to get back in after. I was considering calling the local A&E to see if he's got hurt or injured but don't want to wake them up. What do I do?!?!

Disco, my ex used to 'forget' to buy cigarettes so he could just pop out when we visited my (very easy going) family. It was embarrassing that he'd just bugger off to the pub and lie about it. It's not as if I ever stopped him going out anyway. It was the lying that was so ridiculous.

Seems since MNHQ posted a supportive message to the OP (which is lovely) the opinions on DP aren't nearly as harsh?

Once it was officially 'OP is genuine we hope she is OK' the whole tone of the thread changed??

You haven't asked for advice

Exactly. Why people think they can tell her how to conduct her marriage when she simply posted because she was upset and didn't know what had happened to him is beyond me.

What's your point, Crunchy?

My husband works for Tesco Bank. There's no way the fraud department would agree to refund straight away. They'll investigate, check CCTV and with police before agreeing to refund.

The rest of the story doesn't add up either. Why didn't he call from police station instead of waiting to charge his phone? Surely as a victim (despite being drunk and dosorderly ) of a crime the police would allow him to cancel his cards?

Such a weird and selfish thing to do anyway. Not going back with cash for babysitter in first place and then heading out. Sorry OP.

Sheeple.... that is my point.

Or, MN confirmed Disco is an old poster and people stopped troll hunting.

Although people could've checked themselves, so you have half a point!

Shops don't open till midday on Sunday, they must have been waiting at the door eh? Then to run round grabbing £600 worth of sports gear? No trying on, no checking shoe sizes. Must have been like Supermarket Sweep up in there.

I've seen maybe 2 or 3 people going easy on the 'd'h.

I still think he's a twat.

Really Jasharps? When we had someone fraudulently remove a total of £1k from our joint bank account, First Direct accepted immediately that we hadn't mislaid a bank card and given away a PIN number and said straight away that they would refund the stolen funds.

nickyfury shops in Brighton open 10-4.

Sorry meant to clarify, on a Sunday.

JD Sports opens at 11, I just checked. I suppose that hour made all the difference then.

First Direct accepted immediately that we hadn't mislaid a bank card and given away a PIN number

Maybe but that's not what happened here. The cash withdrawn in Brighton, where the card owner was, and he was shitfaced and alledgly arrested.

Lucky - shops in Brighton open at 11 on a Sunday

The cards may have 'gone missing' but that doesn't explain the hours between midnight and 8.30am.

Isn't that when he was initially drinking, then having his cards stolen and kicking off, and then at the police station?

I've never been out with a bloke who would decide to go off on his own and have a few more drinks knowing no-one at 5am.

Where does 5 a.m. come from? It was midnight, after he'd paid the babysitter.

his behaviour is not that of a decent partner and father

He went out when already quite pissed and decided to have some more drinks. Everything else springs from that. It's the sort of things people do when made stupid by drink. It's the behaviour of an idiot, but not enough to condemn him outright as a partner and father.

Nobody is 'going easy' on the DP. No one thinks it was OK to disappear for more drinks, to disappear without telling her, and leaving her worried sick.

Thinking that speculation about rent boys, getting the timeline of the attempted credit card wrong and concluding that that whole enterprise was a LIE (when the OP was witness to the conversation with the CC company), is goulish bad-detectiving rubbernecking is NOT the same as 'going easy' on the DP.

The OP hasn't described in detail how the actual theft of money / card took place - they may have distracted him while the card was still in the machine, they may have watched him put in the PIN, etc etc.

The OP presumably spoke with the police, or heard them speaking, the OP was there when the conversation with the Credit Card co took place....people are filling in the huge gaps in the detail we have been given.

Poor Op should of course be on here, answering every question, instead of catching up on her sleep and concentrating on how she is going to deal with the issues thrown up by the events of last night.

Hope you're OK Disco

I hope you're OK, Disco. Has he at least explained why he thought it was ok to disappear off without telling you?

Good gracious Discopanda, hope you are ok. This is one of the most shocking threads I've ever seen on Mumsnet (10 years) - not because of your dh's behaviour, but because of the unasked for and prurient fucking gossip about you and your partner and your relationship on this thread! .

Perhaps ask for it to be deleted? It is ugly as hell.

What Blu said

I've only read the whole thread and I'm exhausted
Disco you have lived it so you must be absolutely on your knees

Bibbity I so agree. I have lurked for many years only recently started posting. But this honestly is a nan hunt and so uncalled for. The op didn't ask if she should leave her partner she just asked for help.
Hope my husband never makes a mistake again!!!!

hope youre back home now and resting up

story souds dodgy to me too he was arrested or wasnt? the police brought him back or just turned p randomly?

when did dp cancel the cards when he was back with you? did u hear him do it

even if all is true hes a shit for going out again while u have two young kids asleep and just not letting u know

This is a truly awful thread - agree with idea for OP to ask for it to be deleted.

There is no question that OPs DP was a complete and utter idiot and made a very stupid drunken mistake, but the speculation that he's 1) secretly gay or 2) used a prostitute is just ridiculous!

Partners story is unusual but not farfetched - went to withdraw money for babysitter, in his drunken state decided to go for a couple more drinks (which was bizarre but not unusual for somebody rather drunk), noticed his cards stolen and kicked off so got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, held in a cell for a few hours to sober up. I believe it, he has a whole shit ton of making up to do but all this speculation and hysteria is not at all helpful to the poor OP who I'm sure is distressed enough.

Whilst this story is very odd indeed, if I was going to shag a prostitute, or go on a £300 bender, etc etc I wouldn't do it when my spouse and children were in a hotel room waiting for me. I'd wait till I had cover like a works do or whatever. This is nonsense.