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Original poster

Away from home and partner gone missing, help

620 replies

Discopanda · 14/08/2016 04:25

Posting here for traffic. We're in Brighton for the weekend and last night got a babysitter so we could go out for a few drinks. When we got in just before 12, DP went with babysitter to get cash to pay her, hasn't come back since. I guessed he'd gone on for a couple more drinks but everywhere will be closed now. His phone is off (it was low on battery when we were out), I don't have a working mobile just my laptop, he's got the only door key and I can't drive, so I am literally stuck here with our 2 DDs (1 and 4), check out is at 4 and I've got all our things and have no idea how I'm even going to be able to take the girls downstairs for breakfast without the key card to get back in after. I was considering calling the local A&E to see if he's got hurt or injured but don't want to wake them up. What do I do?!?!

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 14/08/2016 22:03

It wouldn't matter to me what the truth was. He'd be sacked for effing off on his own and leaving his OH and children alone away from home in the middle of the night. He's a wanker of the first order.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 14/08/2016 22:04

Blimey, you are a determined lot.

First the babysitter, then the rent boys...
MN seems to be the home of bad fiction these days.

Lay off.

SoupDragon · 14/08/2016 22:04

The OP wanted and needed support not for little detectives with too much time on their hands to pick everything apart and offer unasked for relationship advice.

AnyFucker · 14/08/2016 22:04

Not really. Would you rather every single person simply say "yeah that story like totally checks out..." ?

How would that be helpful. Op knows it stinks, deep down. That is why she is still engaging.

Noonesfool · 14/08/2016 22:05

I'm shocked so many people think his behaviour is not worthy of any speculation.

Wtf? How does speculation based on no actual facts and not being there help the OP?

It's nasty rubbernecking.

SoupDragon · 14/08/2016 22:05

leaving his OH and children alone away from home in the middle of the night

They were in a fucking hotel, not at a bus stop.

SoupDragon · 14/08/2016 22:07

Would you rather every single person simply say "yeah that story like totally checks out..." ?

All the speculating was completely inappropriate, unhelpful and downright ghoulish.

Bearbehind · 14/08/2016 22:07

I meant speculation on the OP's part obviously Hmm

Given your user name noonesfool I'd have thought that you'd see why it was necessary.

AnyFucker · 14/08/2016 22:08

Soup...is the fact he engineered a free pass to do fuck knows what and leave his partner worried sick OK in your world ?

Because it really is not. You seem to be excusing him.

Noonesfool · 14/08/2016 22:11

Bear your post did not read like that, to me.

Of course Disco should speculate and talk to her DP. And decide what to do.

The horrendous speculation by posters on here is massively unhelpful.

AnyFucker · 14/08/2016 22:11

The more outlandish speculation seems based on very little at all. I didn't do any of that.

On a very basic level...his behaviour is not that of a decent partner and father

lifesalongsong · 14/08/2016 22:11

What a mess, I too wonder how the thives could have known the PIN.

Any attempt to buy stuff online would fail as soon as they had to fill in teh address surely. You can't just steal bank cards and buy things

2rebecca · 14/08/2016 22:13

He definitely sounds like he's got a big alcohol problem. I've never been out with a bloke who would decide to go off on his own and have a few more drinks knowing no-one at 5am. The getting angry and ending up in police cells after drinking would be a shown the door from me card if choosing alcohol over me wasn't.
I find it odd that neither of you thought about how you would pay the babysitter though.

LyndaNotLinda · 14/08/2016 22:15

If I were on a weekend away with my DP and kids and he popped out to go to the cash point and didn't come back within 10 minutes, I'd think something awful had happened. Not that he'd decided to go out boozing

Bearbehind · 14/08/2016 22:16

Bear your post did not read like that, to me.

Well you didn't read it how I intended it then.

Why would I suggest it is in anyway helpful for everyone else to speculate?

I was commenting on the fact the OP seems to be unquestioningly accepting this crock of shit.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 14/08/2016 22:17

Even if he's telling the truth, his behaviour stinks. Neither DH or I are perfect goody-goodies, but neither of us would bugger off for "a couple of extra drinks" without telling the other, when we were away together for the weekend. Bizarre behaviour.

CotswoldStrife · 14/08/2016 22:19

I think there is a difference between speculation (he's gone off with the ...) and pointing out some of the flaws in his version of events Hmm

Do you know what time he was taken into custody? The way you've said it, he came back to the hotel himself yet the Police were waiting for him?

OP, you mention that he has form for problems after drinking. Has something similar to this happened before?

Noonesfool · 14/08/2016 22:20

Tone and meaning is lost sometimes with text.

I'm not sure we really know how the OP is feeling do we?

ilovesooty · 14/08/2016 22:24

I'm not sure we really know how the OP is feeling do we?

No we don't - but I doubt she feels any better as a result of some of the contributions to this thread.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 14/08/2016 22:25

I also think it's odd that you wouldn't already have got the cash for the babysitter before returning to the hotel. I mean, why? Why would he have to go back out to a cashpoint?? You plan these things, when you've got little dc being looked after don't you?

Noonesfool · 14/08/2016 22:25

Indeed, sooty, my point exactly.

6demandingchildren · 14/08/2016 22:27

Me and hubby are off on holiday Tuesday. He is irrelevant should I say has planned 3 days without me and the kids. Also he will probably have to look after the kids when I unexpectedly get tipsy and make an arse of myself.
All relationships are different. I'm not my husbands keeper and we are married to each other and it's not a conviction. He can be a though less arse at times and I can be a stroppy bitch.
Op and her dh will have their own way of living together and what their boundaries are is really down to them.

Crunchymum · 14/08/2016 22:29

Why are some posters minimising the DPs behaviour?

He was in the wrong no? Even if it was just the decision to piss off at midnight without letting the OP know.

People can only 'pick holes' in the info provided right?

The OP herself has said a few things about him being a leary drunk and suspecting violenceas opposed to him being mouthy being the reason he was arrested.

Bearbehind · 14/08/2016 22:30

I think it was pretty clear this behaviour was not within the OP's 'boundaries' when she posted at 4am Hmm

Nofunkingworriesmate · 14/08/2016 22:30

Op if you were my mate in real life and were not questioning his story and questioning his love and respect for you and his family I'd be having a serious word with you along the lines of THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOUR!!!!! Most couples who want to go on a bender, arrange it ( for a convenient night) enjoy it , and come home safely . it is not normal to be arrested or go out like this leaving your wife distressed.
You haven't asked for advice but sorry I ant help myself - you need to get some r.L help and support ASAP
I'm not sure if it is exhaustion but you seem really calm about this like its a regular occurance ?