Last night I passed out drunk in my garden and threw up in my daughters potty.

[StrongTeaHotShower]

I'm really scared I might be developing a problem. I'm getting so drunk at least 2-3 times a week and on the days in between I'm still drinking, just not to excess.

The problem is I don't want to stop drinking completely, just to be able to regulate my intake.

I called AA and might try to go to a meeting next week but I know they encourage zero alcohol and honestly I can't imagine life without it. Can people just learn to cut down without giving it up completely?

So proud of you for today, OP. I have been thinking of you all afternoon. Do realise that by this point in your life if your family and your DP are heavy drinkers, then many/most of your friends are too, maybe many of your colleagues too (some industries/professions v boozy) so 1) this is your 'normal' although it really isn't normal in the wider world and 2) other heavy drinkers, no matter how much they love you and genuinely believe they have your back, will find it hard to support you because you are disturbing their 'normal', possibly highlighting their own issues and demons. An AA meeting will have other people who understand where you are. There are other ways of giving up alcohol, but would involve going to your gp and a lot of therapy, drugs etc, so AA prob good place to start.

NB my family I suspect think I'm a boring fucker for not really drinking. But I think they're boring, annoying, dysfunctional fuckers FOR drinking so much!

Mixing codeine and alcohol is not good and could be dangerous. They exaggerate the effects of each other. You sound like you've got and alcohol problem but could you also have a codeine problem? Hope you're going to get help and I wish you luck

feefighter so much of your first post is my life. Rushing bedtime or if I'm finding the evening routine too stressful having a glass on the go for dds dinner and bath time. I make sure I'm hungry by drinks time so I get that 'hit' with the first drink. It's such an instant reaction to stress.

Still haven't touched a drop today. That's the first time since January.
Right now I'm not even missing it as it's the day after the binge. I'm excited to wake up totally alcohol free tomorrow but scared as it's the days after I've been 'good' that I get the strongest urge to knock it back again.

And thanks for the bedtime reading ideas!

nicebit I'm definitely in the high functioning, high drinking circles.

mskite I do use codeine to help with hangovers at work and shamefully to increase that initial hit of the first evening drink. I'm not using it daily and the thought of having it doesn't give me the excited feeling that thinking about a drink does. However I use quite high doses occasionally up to 120-15mgs.

120-150mgs

Wow that is high! No wonder you threw up. I have some experience in mixing codeine and alcohol, which is obviously not a good idea, but is only go up to 60mg and I'm not drinking anywhere near as much as you with it. I'd be scared to tbh. Please don't do that you could end up choking on your own vomit.

Sorry I shouldn't have said what I do it's a bad idea and not something I'm proud of. Plus feel like crap the next day. And I've also done it in front of my dc and been out of my head tbh but your dosage and alcohol intake is scary

I'm sure you don't need us to point out how addictive codeine is, Strong. Is there any way you can get rid of alcohol in the house? I don't think it should be there, tempting you to drink it. If your DP wants a drink, could he go to the pub instead?

You're not stealing it from work are you? 😬

Cos I'm guessing you're using 30s and they're not available otc

Yesterday I'd 'only' taken some n+ so under 30mgs. Still not great I know but just setting the record straight. I've taken higher doses of straight codeine when I know I've got to be in situations where I want to drink but can't.

You're right I'm afraid.

I know the n+ feeling. It's starting to sound like there might be 2 things going on here though. You're definitely going to be a lot more drunk a lot more quickly if codeine's involved too

I drank like you OP. With small kids etc. Gave up 8 years ago. Bliss. Nothing to feel guilty about, ashamed of, in the morning. Lost weight. No drunk fights with DP. Addressed (most) of my issues.

Went to three Aa meetings but it didn't work for me, so I did it solo. I loved booze! You can do it.

It's been a fairly resent stupid new habit and sadly I'm well aware of it's highly addictive properties. It's getting ditched with the booze. I'm lucky I haven't developed any kind of physical addiction to them yet and as of today I won't give myself the chance to.

Just checking in to say that I am the daughter, daughter in law and sister in law of a trio of dead alcoholics. Two died demented, bloated with ascites, a descent into death that was inevitable. The third one died suddenly, shockingly, unexpectedly, exsanguinated on the bedroom floor from ruptured varices, vomiting blood, gasping and choking on his own fluids.

None of them recognised himself as an alcoholic, all chose the drink before all else, all were in co-dependent relationships.

Choose sobriety - there's no shame in being teetotal - make it "being you", make it what differentiates you, makes you memorable. Far better that than being remembered as the woman who had her face in a potty full of sick.

My DB is involved with AA and I can honestly say it has changed his life for the better, I am incredibly proud of him. Like you his drinking was often at home alone, he also tried the cutting down route but if you love a drink that much it's never going to work. I'm only his sister but the impact his drinking had on everyone was huge. It also left him depressed and ashamed.

for you. It is ruddy hard but going to a meeting is the start. Also don't be hard on yourself if you have set backs, they go with the territory!

Also lastly he is still dealing with some health issues caused by his drinking and some may be permanent. He's 25.

I too am a recovering alcoholic and am identifying madly with absolutely everything you are saying. This was me for the last 6 months of my drinking and I progressed very very rapidly downhill to a point where I couldn't deny it any more. I did however still minimise how much I drank but thankfully I had a friend of a friend in recovery and she was a huge support in getting me to my early meetings and through a rocky few weeks before I managed to put the drink down properly.

It's 100% 1 day at a time - it is very achievable to just live 1 day without alcohol.

If you don't have that 1st drink, then you can't get drunk.

Some people can't drink and you might just be one of them.

If you don't get on with your first meeting, don't give up, try a few different ones. But the important thing is to keep going back.

AA showed me how to live a different life. I couldn't live my previous life without alcohol. Just like you. But AA helped build me a new way of approaching life which made it very easy to live without booze. Same house, same husband, same sort of job but a completely different attitude.

I am very happy to speak to you if you want to hear my story - I'll try to pm you now.

Good luck.

Oh dear it's quite easy to do isn't it? You're going to put that all in the part now though. Would be crap to lose your job over it. I can't say I haven't considered it but have made a conscious decision not to cross that line because I know it'd be a slippery slope. It sounds like you're determined to beat this problem

I've just read the whole of this thread and I just want to say how inspiring it is and how nice that you've had so much support.
I gave up smoking 2 years ago and a lot of the doubts and worries I had were the same as yours.
I wish you the best of luck and take one day at a time. Also be kind to yourself, tell yourself everyday what a great job you are doing and enjoy every morning you wake up feeling better.

StrongTea - my do gave up drinking nearly 10 years ago now. He could go days without a drink, but when he did start drinking, he couldn't stop. He was drinking in secret too.

He finally broke down one night, admitted he had a problem, and went to his first AA meeting the next morning. He hasn't drunk a drop since - he would love to be able to enjoy a nice wine, or a cold beer, but he does not trust himself to stop at one, even after so long.

There is lots of support here, and in real life - I hope you can find it and that it helps you. Just take it one day at a time - concentrate on just not drinking now - tomorrow can take care of itself, so can next week, next month and so on.

If you slip, don't condemn yourself - just start again.

I believe that you can do it, and if you want someone to talk to, in r/l or on here, I'd be happy to help you.

Brilliant well done!

I think day 3/4 is hardest, because you're over the hangover bit, your brain starts telling you you weren't that bad anyway, and chemically you have a massive dopamine drop. So be prepared for that and get lots of nice treats in. Xx

Ah op I identify. I grew up somewhere with a huge drinking culture and my idea of normal drinking is very skewed. I'm psyching up to stop too.

The support really has been overwhelming when I posted this morning I had no intention of not drinking tonight yet here I am!
I couldn't get to an AA meeting tonight as dd was tucked up before 7. I'm going to attend one as soon as I can though.
Thanks STDG I may well take you up on that offer.