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AIBU?

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Original poster

Last night I passed out drunk in my garden and threw up in my daughters potty.

309 replies

StrongTeaHotShower · 13/08/2016 08:05

I'm really scared I might be developing a problem. I'm getting so drunk at least 2-3 times a week and on the days in between I'm still drinking, just not to excess.

The problem is I don't want to stop drinking completely, just to be able to regulate my intake.

I called AA and might try to go to a meeting next week but I know they encourage zero alcohol and honestly I can't imagine life without it. Can people just learn to cut down without giving it up completely?

OP posts:
Fairylea · 13/08/2016 08:29

I used to get drunk like you. I couldn't imagine ever not drinking and it was a huge part of my life. It was my trigger to relax and I relied on it way too much. I used to work in bars and everyone drank lots and it just spiralled from there. The moment I knew I had to stop was when I put my safety at risk by meeting someone I didn't know very well and got way too drunk. It gave me a wake up call. I was going through a horrible divorce at the time. That was about 7 years ago and shortly after that I met my now dh and he is teetotal and hates drinking and it gave me the push I needed to stop completely. Havent drunk alcohol in over 6 years now.

If you have a drink problem I do think you need to stop completely. A lot of that is helped or hindered by the people you surround yourself with. It's no good trying to quit if all your mates get wankered every weekend. If that's the case you need new friends, new hobbies, a new life. It is difficult but you can do it.

davos · 13/08/2016 08:29

You have an alcohol problem.

I thought part of the point of dry January, was to enjoy social occasions with our drink as well.

How much of dry January did you do?

HermioneJeanGranger · 13/08/2016 08:29

If you can't control your drinking and get drunk 3 times a week - you are an alcoholic.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 13/08/2016 08:30

It sounds like if you are not an alcoholic already you are well on your way to being one unless you do something about it. And as a health practitioner you should know that.

OliviaBenson · 13/08/2016 08:30

You are an alcoholic.

It isn't a good way to deal with stress.

Is it really that good fun to pass out and throw up in a potty?

My childhood was ruined by a parent like you. Is alcohol more important than your health and your family?

You can't cut down, you said that yourself.

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 13/08/2016 08:31

He drinks too but doesn't pass out and vomit etc. I've ironically posted on here worrying about his drinking but he seems to handle it better than me at home.

OP posts:
MrsFrankRicard · 13/08/2016 08:31

I think lots of alcoholics go through this stage of wanting to get in control of their drinking and just having a few. If you have problems with your off switch though, while you might be able to regulate for a while, you will slip up again and get really drunk. It might take a couple of these slip ups where you do something stupid for you to realise that it's got to be none at all. It's tough going and within our culture even harder. I am at a stage where I rarely drink but when I do, I often feel like shit as I am not used to it anymore and it makes me think of giving up completely. Good luck Flowers

LadyintheRadiator · 13/08/2016 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffinMum · 13/08/2016 08:33

My love, from what you have said here, it sounds to me like you already are an alcoholic, and you really need help. Try finding an AA group that you feel some affinity to and attending meetings, because you will feel so much better. It's also a good idea from the point of view of giving your DD a more positive future. You don't need alcohol in your life and they will help you see that and achieve it and move forwards. xx

DinosaursRoar · 13/08/2016 08:33

If a month seems too long to go with out a drink, can you do a week?

Start with a week.

If you can't do that, can you say you don't drink 2 days on the run, even if you don't get drunk on your drinking day, is that too hard to do or could you do that?

Can you start by seeing the scale of your problem. How much does it take to get you drunk? How much is the tipping point that you can't stop yourself from reaching?

MissClarke86 · 13/08/2016 08:33

OP, you say you are NOT an alcoholic but you can't control your drinking...you need to read that sentence again and have a real good look at it.

If you do not want to drink to excess, then don't drink to excess. Buy a bottle and don't drink any more than that. Ask your OH to tell you when he thinks your getting drunk, and listen to him. Most normal drinkers know when they are bordering on too drunk and can stop.

If you can't, I'm sorry but you ARE an alcoholic and need to accept that. It comes in different forms, but the not being able to control when you stop drinking is key.

So...either you can learn your limits, or you can't and need help to stop drinking completely. There is no middle ground. Think of your DD and make your decision.

Sorry for the harsh words.

onewhitepillowleft · 13/08/2016 08:35

Come and see us in DRY 14 in relationships. Everyone there has been exactly where you are. I'm online now.

Littlepeople12345 · 13/08/2016 08:35

You are an alcoholic and the sooner you realise that tge sooner you can get yourself some help.

Do it for your little girl. If you are both pissed and she wakes up poorly, who will take care of her?

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 13/08/2016 08:35

No alcohol is not more important to me. My family are my world. She's a beautiful bright little angel and she doesn't deserve me being so rubbish the next day. I don't get drunk in front of her.

I do feel so hypocritical and ashamed as an hcp.

OP posts:
blitheringbuzzards1234 · 13/08/2016 08:36

My dad used to come home from the pub after a few too many and was a nasty, aggressive and argumentative drunk. We dreaded it and it blighted our childhoods. To be fair he was obnoxious when he was sober. Falling down drunk isn't a good memory for your child.

You must get help. Can you analyse why you need to drink to excess? Is there another, safer way to let off steam/ease your mind?

Littlepeople12345 · 13/08/2016 08:36

I don't want to sound harsh but I was that child.

NameChange23 · 13/08/2016 08:37

"I'm not an alcoholic. I have a problem with not being able to regulate my drinking."

I'm sorry to break the news, but you are an alcoholic already. You cannot regulate your intake and can't contemplate the idea of going without. You are not developing a problem, you have it already.

So keep up the good work and get all the help you need, but remember, if you want this to stop, you need to stop. Once that you are more in control, and if the problem is not that severe, you will be able to start drinking again but in a more measured way.

Sexykitten2005 · 13/08/2016 08:37

I'm so sorry but I think you are an alcoholic. They come in all shapes and sizes. They don't all drink first thing in the morning and shuffle about in pee soaked macs clutching a bottle. My ex was a high functioning alcoholic. He only drank in the evening and had a high stress job but he drank to excess every evening and couldn't sleep if he wasn't drunk.
The fact you don't want to give up alcohol is an obvious sign. Non alcoholics can go without. Also that you did dry January but started when you wanted and finished early.
Describe how you feel if you come home and there is no alcohol in the house at all. A evening without a drink.
Was last night really fun? My ex used to say he had fun, I remember following him from pub to pub trying to stop fights and crying in toilets, he doesn't remember any of that.

Sit down and really talk to your husband. Go to AA. It will be hard at first but you will be ok without a drink.

finnishbiscuiteater · 13/08/2016 08:39

Hi, if you want support to give up drinking, join us on the dry thread.

3 months ago, I had a similar occasion (vomiting/passing out drunk) Blush

The thought of being teetotal was scary, but I joined the thread saying I could just try 3 months, and then see if I could reset my relationship with alcohol.

Thinking I'll never have another drink is still scary, but right now I'm not drinking, and have no intention of drinking. Don't focus on the forever, that's scary. Just give up for now and see where you go.

It was hard at first, but after only 3 months sober it's already getting easier, and my life is already more fun having removed alcohol from it...

pudcat · 13/08/2016 08:39

You are worried about your husband's, you drink til you pass out. Your child is 2. What happens is she is ill in the night or needs help and you are both too drunk too realise. You are both over the limit to drive, and I would imagine still over the limit the next day. Sorry if you cannot do without a drink, you are an alcoholic already.

PotteringAlong · 13/08/2016 08:40

Doing part of dry January is great. But it's the middle of August. And you cannot think of another point in the last 8 months when you have gone for longer than 48 hours without a drink.

You say you're not drunk in front of your daughter but you're a HCP. You know how long alcohol takes to process through the blood stream. You're probably still over the limit now. Are you honestly saying, hand on heart, that you've never seen her when you're drunk, never driven her when over the limit, never turned up to work over the limit? BecaUse if you're drinking so much you're passing out 3 nights a week I don't believe you haven't.

HerOtherHalf · 13/08/2016 08:40

I'm not an alcoholic.

Yes you are. Get help now. You are deluding yourself.

Casmama · 13/08/2016 08:40

"I'm not an alcoholic. I have a problem with not being able to regulate my drinking. I'm scared of becoming an alcoholic"

What would also need to be the case for you to define yourself as an alcoholic?
Passing out in the street instead of the garden? Getting that drunk 4 times a week instead of 2-3?
Do you go into work after a bender like that?

Have a look at and please be honest with yourself

piggypoo · 13/08/2016 08:41

Good for you that you are aware of your drinking, I used to be the same, and regularly used to drink to oblivion at work do's, and was well known for being the firm's lush. I couldn't have "just the one", and thinking back now I am ashamed of myself. My sister met one of my ex-work colleagues, and asked how "your piss-head sister" is doing these days. That was over 20 years ago, and people still talk about me, even now I have moved cities and changed career and have married. I don't drink at all, I can't it takes a lot to admit that you can't control your drinking. Please get help.

AtSea1979 · 13/08/2016 08:46

Could you and DH give up drinking for a while? Save for a holiday or something? I don't mean a binge holiday in Spain, I mean actually see the world. If you and DH are drinking that much I'd imagine by Xmas you'd have saved a fortune.

What worries you about giving up drink entirely? The social aspect? Everyone else is drinking except you?
If you won't give it up completely then you need to limit yourself. Only say drink on two evenings per week and only have one bottle of wine or equivalent. One bottle would put me on my arse but I'm guessing for you it's not a lot.

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