Last night I passed out drunk in my garden and threw up in my daughters potty.

[StrongTeaHotShower]

I'm really scared I might be developing a problem. I'm getting so drunk at least 2-3 times a week and on the days in between I'm still drinking, just not to excess.

The problem is I don't want to stop drinking completely, just to be able to regulate my intake.

I called AA and might try to go to a meeting next week but I know they encourage zero alcohol and honestly I can't imagine life without it. Can people just learn to cut down without giving it up completely?

If your family try to push you into drinking, tell them in no uncertain terms that if they love you they will leave you alone. Or even join you in staying dry.

On this note my intentions to not drink will be contested by most members of the family as they do not know the extent of my solo drinking. It's going to be hardest around them.

I think this says a lot about them actually. They want you to drink to validate their own drinking. Most families don't pressure each other to drink if they don't want to just so they can convince themselves its ok to get smashed.

Really informative post, Beauty - it was good that you posted it.

Another child of an alcoholic here. My mum died of an alcoholic cardiomyopathy two and a half years ago. She was only 59 and had been drinking heavily for about ten years or so. It started long before that and she actually stopped drinking for a good few years when I was a teenager but the problem was brushed under the carpet (by her I think) and never properly addressed. I think it's important you seek help from someone like AA.

Ironically, my mum had just managed to stop drinking a few weeks before she died and was attending AA. By then, sadly and unbeknownst to us, the damage had already been done.

Knock drink on the head full stop would be my strong advice. It isn't an essential part of anyone's social life and anyway, it sounds like you know it has gone way past a drink 'to be sociable'. Your family will (have to) understand.

Thanks coconutpie - if liver damage is what the OP is most afraid of, then she needs to use that to help her quit drinking. Sometimes it's all that frightens people enough to make them stop.

beauty. Yes. My best friend died at 27, and was also addicted to alcohol. One night, she took a massive overdose of paracetamol. Her parents found her and rushed her to hospital, where her stomach was pumped. The following day, she was awake, apologised to her parents for frightening them, and agreed to seek help. They thought she had survived. Within 48 hours, she died, suddenly and painfully, because her liver literally could no longer cope. To go through the agony of realising your daughter is suicidal, thinking she then pulled through, and then to still watch her die is unbearable for me to think about for too long.

I am a recovering alcoholic. The first few days are a slog; but the rewards are beyond worth it. You will be living real life, with all it's ups and downs, and just feeling 'alive' is a reward bigger than you will ever imagine.

Make as many excuses as you like op, but like it or not you are an alcoholic.
My BIL's one and I hate what it's done/doing to my DSis and their dcs.

You need to get help and stop coming up with reasons why you think you're not one.

Sorry, you are getting drunk up to 3 times a week and drinking in between and cant face a month without alcohol? Thats one big alcohol problem. I know you dont want to hear it but it is. You have to be brutaly honest with yourself for the sake of your family and your future.

Go to AA, join the threads on here and get all the support you need. This has to stop now for your dd and your own sake. If my partner did this every week and wouldnt stop I would be leaving with the kids pdq. I couldnt leave my kids alone with someone who was so pissed they passed out and threw up in someone elses garden! They would still be over the limit next day.

My grandfather had a problem with alcohol too, he would go for a year maybe even 3 without a drop (he knew he had a problems with alcohol) then go on a bender, he couldnt stop at just a couple of drinks. He would be drunk for a solid week if nobody intervened.

Alcoholism isnt just someone who is permanently drinking out a bottle, it affects people in different ways but it all boils down to the same thing, one or two is never enough, cutting down doesnt work you need to stop.

Jess, I'm so sorry about your friend What an awful situation for you all.

*Last night I had 2 cans of lagers half a bottle of rosé, a strong 'craft' cider and some red wine. Not sure how much red as I don't remember drinking it but found some spilt under the dinner table this morning. sad

^^ thats a lot of alcohol! And you cant even remember how much red wine you drank! Stop kidding yourself and acknowledge the fact that thats way too much especially when mixing drinks. If you dont think that this is enough booze to get 'hammered' on then your opinion of whats a 'normal' amount to drink in one night is very skewed.

I'd also taken quite a few mgs of codeine in the early afternoon (headache, not another problem) which interact badly with alcohol.*

^^ This is just excusing the state you got into due to the alcohol. But taking stong painkillers when you know you are going to get bladdered is just crazy anyway.

Go to that meeting and see what the others have to say, you may be surprised at some of them drinking a whole lot less than you yet are still alcoholics.

Be brave for you and your daughters sake. What if you get so drunk one night you dont remember a thing that happened, you dont get home, you get mugged, or worse, or have an accident when you pass out? Whats your oh going to tell her? Mummy was too wasted to get home safely? Mummy would rather drink to be 'sociable' (and got too drunk to know what she was doing) with her friends than come home to us.

You have the power to restart your life without the binds of alcohol, you can do all the 'fun' things without it and enjoy them a million times more. Really staggering around throwing up isnt actually fun at all.

BTW there is nothing more annoying than someone who is pissed when the rest of you in a group aren't.

Hey, I read this thread earlier today and then I came across this article in Cracked

www.cracked.com/blog/the-6-most-disturbing-realities-that-come-with-getting-sober/

It's funny and engaging and reminded me of your situation.

I loved drinking too OP. except nobody else ever had any fun when I got my drink on.

I have a daughter too. she went to live with her dad at 13 because I couldn't stop drinking and I couldn't keep her safe. I'd already drunk myself out of a job. after my daughter left I tried to kill myself and very nearly succeeded. my marriage fell apart and I had to move out of my lovely house and into a 1 bed flat at the grotty end of town. I lost everything and I still didn't stop.

my parents are alcoholics too. my childhood was so abusive and neglectful that I have a personality disorder. I've been drinking since I was 9. we were a successful middle-class family with a nice house and private schooling and behind closed doors my life and my sister's life were hell.

I couldn't imagine ever stopping. in the end my binges were so bad that I would spend days withdrawing. the last withdrawal nearly killed me.

I'm 2 years 4 months sober. I have my relationship with my daughter back. AA saved my life - I finally got a sponsor and worked the steps and learned how to live sober.

please understand that at one point I was where you are. I couldn't control my drinking and all bets were off once I had the first drink. I don't have an off-switch; I never have. I have a big red FUCK IT button instead.

I love my sober life. my mental health is terrible and I still can't work, but I feel a million times better about myself now I live an honest life.

OP, please seriously consider that you have crossed the line into alcoholism. once that line is crossed, there is no going back. abstinence is much, much easier than 'moderating' and wishing the time away til a drink.

find out about alcohol services where you live. hit a few AA meetings and listen for the similarities, not the differences. I am not remotely religious - AA was still the thing that got me well.

be kind to yourself - but understand that getting sober will be really tough to begin with. it really does get easier - nobody would be sober otherwise!

you are worth so much more than a life blighted by booze.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to post your experiences either as an alcoholic or a friend/family member of an alcoholic.

Some of the posts have really got under my skin and I'm going to take action, starting now. I've already passed my first test today at a street party. A friend was trying to coax me into a jug of pimms and was asking me why I wasn't drinking. I bought some homemade lemonade instead I just can't fathom how hard this going be so it will literally be looking at it one day at a time. I don't know how I'm going do it.

You can do it. I did and 2 years later I'm off to a party tonight and driving so no drinking. It's not easy and some days I could kill for a drink but it's easier! Good luck. Please pm if I can help at all!

Best of luck, OP. Keep taking it a day at a time and please, please get yourself some experienced support.

Strong I cannot say if you are an alcoholic , but they do come in all the shapes and sizes that humans can come in .

OP I just wanted to say a massive well done for taking on board what people have been saying. For admitting you have a problem. For making concrete plans to do something about it. And for resisting the pressure to have some Pimms today! Keep up the good work.

Have you talked to your DP about any of this? Do you think he'll be supportive of your plans?

Thanks everyone. Sadly anotherEmma I think we are slightly co dependent and he will have to admit I've got a problem which won't be easy for him to do.

You can do it. Find your favourite alternative to drink at home (mine is slimline tonic with ice and lime). Use every excuse/lie you need to not to drink when out or with family- on antibiotics/migraine tablets/am designated driver/on a diet (oddly that one seems to be more socially acceptable than 'don't want to'). Start a fun activity that gets you up and out early on a weekend morning and savour feeling fantastic instead of hungover. Learn to knit/crochet as a displacement when watching to too-you can make and donate squares for a blanket for lots of charities. Use AA, other support, counselling, whatever it takes. You can do it.

'Watching tv'

So good that you are taking action. My mum is an alcoholic, from an addictive family, big insecurity/MH issues. Having friends round as a child was horrific, hugely embarrassing. She has refused to tackle the problem and is an appalling guest. We have to use diversion techniques, take her to distant restaurants to minimise drinking time. The only saving grace is that she gets pissed quickly and then takes herself to bed. Evenings are horribly boring, she doesn't understand the benefit of silence so talks constantly about rubbish.

Point being, OP, you don't want that being your dd's memories of you and I'm happy you've recognised the problem. Good luck.

You are an alcoholic OP. Your Dd has an alcoholic mother. When she was 2 her mother would get so drunk shed pass out.

Think about your daughter saying that in a few years and think about how much worse it could get.

You like drinking you say but I'm guessing / hoping you love your Dd.

OP, your post really struck a chord with me. I have a daughter your age and have been sober a few months now. I too would drink till I passed out a couple of times a week. I thought because I did it after my children were in bed in was ok.

I won't reiterate what everyone else said. But what I can say hand on heart is what a better mother I am not drinking. Yes, she didn't see me drunk. But I was hungover a lot, I used to rush bedtimes so I could have that first class of wine. Now bedtimes are long and fun, we run around laughing first thing in the morning and I am much more 'present'. I look back and can't believe how much mental energy alcohol occupied.

Of course, not drinking doesn't change life into a magical, unicorn occupied kingdom of happiness. Problems are still there. But I feel so much better dealing with them rather than drinking through them.

I'll add a couple is things I found useful on those early days next, in case we are not allowed to recommend other sites, then MNHQ can delete!

Ok:

Soberistas is an online site for women with drinking problems. I love it!

Club Soda has an active FB group. Not so much my cup of tea but still useful.

I try and avoid all those blogs I used to read like Hurrah for Gin etc. All very funny but they tend to glamorise mothers drinking and I think the narrative is so damaging to those of us that can't control.

Books, Mrs T is going without, Sober is the new Black.

Once you start delving into the sober world more and more things pop up.

I've not tried AA but many find it useful.

Good luck! Once you start this I can guarantee you will never wake up the next day and think "I wish I had got drunk last night".

This is the best thing you will ever do in your life.

Xx