Last night I passed out drunk in my garden and threw up in my daughters potty.

[StrongTeaHotShower]

I'm really scared I might be developing a problem. I'm getting so drunk at least 2-3 times a week and on the days in between I'm still drinking, just not to excess.

The problem is I don't want to stop drinking completely, just to be able to regulate my intake.

I called AA and might try to go to a meeting next week but I know they encourage zero alcohol and honestly I can't imagine life without it. Can people just learn to cut down without giving it up completely?

Pearlman, OP is pretty far in. Passing out outside and vomiting is not normal drinking behaviour. I drink a bottle of wine every other weekend over the weekend these days, but I reckon it would still take me a couple of bottles to myself to get into the state the OP was in last night.

Anyway, this thread isn't about what you think about the advice others have given.

Get ss involved

I posted asking if it's possible to cut down rather than give it up completely. Can I join those alcohol threads if I'm still drinking?

If you think that you could easily cut down your intake, just do that. Why post on AIBU, surely the answer is just cut down and don't get so drunk anymore. The problem is (which you realise) that you CAN'T cut down. You are not capable of regulating your intake. If you were, you would not be passing out in your garden and vomiting and smelling of booze at work. Nobody is telling you to stop drinking just to ruin your fun- if you were capable of cutting down, you would have done it already and this would not be an issue. As long as you carry on drinking, it is likely that you will drink too much and pass out.

Also, I think that your DP may also have to stop in support of you (as it will be extremely difficult for you to live with a regular and fairly heavy drinker). Do you think he is able and willing to do that?

I am not an HCP but I think liver damage is the least of your problems right now and it will presumably get better if you stop drinking anyway. I think your main problem is being alarmed that you are being sick in your baby's potty etc, which is indeed quite extreme.

Pearlman is right. Nobody loved drinking more than me. I wanted to find a way to fix all the problems I had caused myself by drinking while still carrying on drinking (I know - it is as mad as it sounds...). But now I love being sober more.

It would be good if your dh could join you in giving up alcohol for a while as it's difficult in the beginning to have alcohol around. I have a close relative who is an alcoholic and believe me it opened my eyes to what an alcoholic is. Anyone who finds that their drinking is causing a problem to them or to their families is an alcoholic. While my relative was in rehab we went to a family day where we heard heartbreaking stories from older teens and college kids of the pain of their mother being drunk all their lives. The message they had, one and all was if this continues when college is over and lm no longer dependent on my family lm out of here and never coming back. Please don't give your dd this life. Get help from AA now. Life without drink is fun, happy and healthy. I'm guessing you're a doctor and drinking among doctors is very high probably due to stress. You will learn ways to combat stress, you will meet like minded people who will support you. And you will be glad, l promise. Do it today.

What Perlman says is very sensible. Just think how great you will feel in a few days, a few weeks, a few months, once you tackle this. Honestly, it will be so worth it xxxx

HCP question: would LFT s show up alcohol liver damage? I could sneak one through to get tested. I don't want to involve gp incase they get as involved

Seriously, that is the least of your worries. Does that mean that you would only stop drinking if you already had liver damage? It doesn't matter whether you have liver damage or not- you have a serious problem.

From what I know, the liver is very good at regeneration and often test will not show up problems unless it's too late (ie when you will DIE if you carry on drinking). I am also guessing that you are quite young (under 50) which also means that any potential problems won't show up yet. Doesn't mean they won't later on, but you need to control your drinking regardless.

I'm really scared and now I can't stop crying. This is horrendous.

Yes it's frightening. It's a huge thing to admit that you have no control over alcohol. Huge, but giving it up will change your life, and you families, indescribably. I'm afraid your desire to sneak a test through and avoid the GP are also strong traits of an alcoholic.

Find a meeting on today, go to one daily.

It's alright to be scared. It is scary. But you know it's time to change your life. Join the MN threads suggested and go to the AA meeting you were invited to. You know there's a problem, now you are going to fix it.

Don't get hung up on whether your are "an alcoholic" or not. That's not important- what is matters is that you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

So you are scared to stop drinking.

Can't imagine life without it

Know it's impacted your interaction with Dd the next day

Thinking about sneaking tests through at work incase you may have already damaged your liver

Won't seek help at the go in case it impacts your job.

Attempted dry January, but couldn't do it. How long did you do?

The issue here is that you know you have a problem, but are scared of the label. Perhaps because once you accept the label you have accepted you need to do something about it.

You don't want your child having a mum who is an alcoholic. I get that. But refusing to use the correct term doesn't stop the damage you could do to your Dd. Refusing the label doesn't reduce the impact it's having on your life.

Thank you so much for the kind and supportive words. Esp pearlman and boffinmum. Duty calls with my dd but I will read on later.

No maybe, I will go to an AA meeting next week and join one of the dry threads.

I'm scared because it would mean saying goodbye to drinking and I love drinking. Sad but true.

That statement alone says that you're an alcoholic.

And yes it's frightening. That's ok and totally normal.

You are doing well be even just discussing it. Most people I know who have drinking problems would have got angry, started insulting people and flounced by now.

It's important to recognise what you are doing.

Today is a good day, OP. Today you faced up to it.

I totally understand why you are crying but life is going to be so much better.

You can do this xx I would try to get to a meeting today as weekends are a really good time. Just a thought. I will be thinking of you xx

Just to say well done OP, you are doing an amazing thing by taking action. Good luck for the difficult coming days, and I hope you find lots of support on the Relationships threads.

OP Firstly, no judgement here I promise - none. It's incredible that you are reaching out and, right now, that's enough and a huge achievement

Secondly, if on your 'non excessive drinking' nights you are drinking a 'few glasses of wine' and then so very heavily on the other nights, then it may place you at great risk to suddenly stop abruptly so please seek medical advice first of all - <a class="break-all" href="//tpatient.info/health/alcoholism-and-problem-drinking" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">do not stop alcohol suddenly if you are alcohol dependent.

Thirdly, you don't need right now to stop 'forever', you just need (when medically safe to do so after either a detox or after gradually cutting down), to stop one day at a time and the rest then follows

Fourthly (& I suspect you already know this), you can't stop drinking 'for your daughter' - I'm guessing if you (uniquely) could stop for another person in your life then you would have done so already; both AA & Smart Recovery - which is another great resource you can try BTW - are very clear that the only person you can stop drinking for is yourself. Appreciate that might sound mad to 'normal' drinkers, but it really is the truth for anyone with a problem with alcohol.

Even though you can't stop drinking 'for' your daughter, the posts on here of folks describing their experiences of a problem drinking parent are all very painfully accurate Another child of an alcoholic here, and another to testify to the damage it does and the trauma it causes; al-anon (which operates on the same 12 step programme of AA) helped me understand why nothing I did or said or suffered would be enough to make my parent stop drinking - it had to come from them and them alone (sadly it never did and he died with us estranged and never having seen his 3 beautiful GC).

Follow through on that incredible first step you made in contacting AA; you don't need to be sober to attend meetings - in fact the words (iirc) are: the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking so not sobriety (if that was the requirement for being let in the door then I suspect the rooms would be empty as everyone starts somewhere).

Wishing you so so much strength and wellness

Fuck, that's very long

strong you have asked if it is possible to cut down. It doesn't sound like you're able to drink in moderation. From your comments, I think you've got your perception of drinking and what's normal quite distorted.

I'm not able to do things I enjoy in moderation either and so I don't drink. I had that realisation moment that I wasn't able to do it the way everyone else does, and if I didn't want to end up an alcoholic then I'd better not do it at all.

I might be projecting, but it sounds like you might have a similar decision to make.

People develop problems. Even HCPs.

I'm fat. I feel so hypocritical when I counsel people about the increased risks they have under anaesthesia due to their weight as I have them too.

Well done for owning up to having a problem. Next step is getting some help.

My Dad is now a sober alcoholic. When he first stopped drinking he would argue the semantics. 10 dry years later he calls himself an alcoholic. He has no "off" switch when drinking and worries terribly about my siblings and I. We all have one though, he finds the ability to have one beer/ glass of wine pretty amazing.

Well done on taking that first step, it's always the hardest.

Please don't beat yourself up too much, I hope you have some real life support

Well done for taking the first steps.

I would advise you to read as many sober blogs/books as you can. You will recognize the feelings you read about. It really really helps.

I've been alcohol free for 9 months. I absolutely love the way I feel now. It's the freedom from guilt and anxiety that's the big thing for me. I relish every clear headed Saturday morning. It's a lovely, clear headed, energized, guilt free freedom.

Please contact your local community alcohol team and get professional help intervention.