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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Last night I passed out drunk in my garden and threw up in my daughters potty.

309 replies

StrongTeaHotShower · 13/08/2016 08:05

I'm really scared I might be developing a problem. I'm getting so drunk at least 2-3 times a week and on the days in between I'm still drinking, just not to excess.

The problem is I don't want to stop drinking completely, just to be able to regulate my intake.

I called AA and might try to go to a meeting next week but I know they encourage zero alcohol and honestly I can't imagine life without it. Can people just learn to cut down without giving it up completely?

OP posts:
londonrach · 13/08/2016 08:46

Op from what ive witnessed if you cant manage without alcohol you have a problem and its not just cutting down its stopping drinking it for ever. From the patients i see its vv hard. However you made the first step and realised you have a problem. Go to aa, get as much support as you get. Well done for taking that first step. Ive seen patients who havent even taken that step x

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 13/08/2016 08:51

I think the difference between me and an alcoholic is that some nights I'm happy sipping on just a few glasses of good wine and i go to bed without craving any more. We don't keep spirits in the house because I really can't do we'll with them. I don't get pissed at parties, just tipsy.

Dd has seen me drinking responsibly but is in bed by the time I'm drunk. I don't drink in the day alone.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 13/08/2016 08:51

You might already be an alcoholic go to your gp as well as AA you might not be able to just stop how long have you been drinking like this

OliviaBenson · 13/08/2016 08:52

Just because you don't drink in front of your child, doesn't mean that it doesn't affect her. It does.

NoahVale · 13/08/2016 08:53

Have you thought about the calories op?

also if you are an hcp, perhaps the patients can smell it on your breath?

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 13/08/2016 08:54

At sea a bottle would floor me!

It's just coping with and enjoying the evening that I'd worry about. When it's not to excess it's fun and a good stress reliever.

OP posts:
londonrach · 13/08/2016 08:55

Op my dh isnt really a drinker (only likes german beer whilst in germany). and i dont drink much (had my first glass last night for 10-11 months) and there are some amazing grown up non alcohol drinks you can get in pubs and at supermarkets now. Socially people dont care re drinking ive found as dh says hes driving which is usually true and an excuse. Dh and i get one for a friday night and enjoy that instead of wine! The m&s £10 gives you a none alcohol opition too. Hope that doesnt sound lecturing. You amazing to take that first step of realising you have a problem. Im not sure i could give up chocolate. Good luck xxx

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 13/08/2016 08:55

Noah that's a big BIG fear for me. I'm sure people have but haven't said anything.

OP posts:
onewhitepillowleft · 13/08/2016 08:55

Strong Tea, I never drove drunk, never drunk at work or in the morning, and could do events without drinking at all - mainly because I knew if I picked up one glass then I would drink all of it, so I would do the event (work, social) without picking up one glass, then get leathered at home, in private.

It seems to me that you've come to AIBU for a reason - to ask if you have a problem. People seem to think that you do - and you're resisting that. Fair enough - no-one gets to decide if you have a problem other than you. It is your call. If the drinking isn't a problem for you and your family, that is fine. But you did post here.

If it is a problem for you, and you want to sort it out, then AIBU is probably not the long term place to do it. There are places here or in real life that would be able to help you if you want help. Entirely up to you.

If you decide not to take this further and not to cut down, stop, or get any help of any kind, then write down your reasons somewhere and have a look at those reasons the next time you're hung over. It might be eye-opening.

Casmama · 13/08/2016 08:55

Perhaps it is not important what term you use. If you dont want to call yourself an alcoholic then fine but you do accept that you have a problem with alcohol and you need to do something about it.
Did you look at the page on AA about whether or not you have a drink problem?

OliviaBenson · 13/08/2016 08:56

Wow, you really are in denial.

If you need alcohol to enjoy an evening, you have a problem. Sipping wine some evenings doesn't mean you have any less of a problem.

NoahVale · 13/08/2016 08:56

OP you started this thread, saying you think you are getting a problem with alcohol.
Did you want people to say, you are ok?

be truthful to yourself.
would you have an alcohol free night?

chalky3 · 13/08/2016 08:56

You are an alcoholic already I'm afraid. You have to face up to the fact that it's likely to be all or nothing for you, then make a choice. If you continue to believe you just need to be able to 'regulate your drinking', you're kidding yourself and drink has won. Get help, and try the 'nothing' route. Hopefully you'll succeed and you won't feel you 'just need to be able to regulate your drinking' any longer. Good luck Flowers

FoxesOnSocks · 13/08/2016 08:57

You are an alcoholic.

"honestly I can't imagine life without it"

You're an alcoholic who (wants to) believe that an alcoholic fits into a certain stereotype. It doesn't.

Alcohol controls you, you do not control alcohol; you're an alcoholic.

coolaschmoola · 13/08/2016 08:58

Op... Being an alcoholic isn't about the amount you drink. It's about HAVING to have alcohol. You can be an alcoholic on a thimble full of alcohol a day if you can't go without it.

You HAVE to drink. You CAN'T control the amount. You CAN'T give up alcohol. Sorry, but you ARE an alcoholic by definition. A functioning alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless. You are in denial.

Casmama · 13/08/2016 08:59

"A bottle would floor me" - how much did you drink to pass out in the garden and vomit in a potty? I struggle to believe that happended on a bottle of wine!

NameChange30 · 13/08/2016 08:59

"I can't imagine life without it."

You have an alcohol problem. You are an alcoholic. You are also in denial. Until you accept that you're an alcoholic and need to give up alcohol, you have no chance of turning it around.

AA is a good option but it's not the only one - there are others listed here:
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/Alcoholsupport.aspx

Maybe you could start by calling the Drinkline helpline or talking to your GP?

teacher54321 · 13/08/2016 08:59

I think the difference between me and an alcoholic is that some nights I'm happy sipping on just a few glasses of good wine and i go to bed without craving any more

A few glasses of wine?! How many is a few if that's a night when you're not really drinking?

My dh has an uneasy relationship with booze-and there have been times in our relationship where he has been habitually drinking too much and some horrible nights of excess when things got out of control and he ended up hurting himself. (Admittedly he was a lot younger then). The game changer for him was when he got a job which is safety critical and has very strict alcohol policies in place. He loves his job so much that he wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that. If you're a HCP and you're drinking this heavily your patients will be able to smell booze on you. I would ask to be treated by someone else if my nurse for example reeked of booze

AddToBasket · 13/08/2016 08:59

Hi OP, I really don't know if you are an alcoholic or not but other posters have more experience.

But just to counter some of the black/white answers, I wanted to say that I used to drink a lot, pretty much every day, and so did lots of my mates. Some of us now don't drink at all, a couple have a problem and several, like me, have just massively cut down.

It can be done, even from the vomiting in the potty stage. I think you need to discuss this all more openly with your DP. It sounds like you will need to re-calibrate your relationship with alcohol.

Maybe start small? Three nights a week no booze. Neither of you over 14 units a week. If you can't do this then it sounds as though you will need outside support.

davos · 13/08/2016 09:00

I think the difference between me and an alcoholic is that some nights I'm happy sipping on just a few glasses of good wine and i go to bed without craving any more

and some nights you can't.

Not all alcoholics drink during the day or even everyday.

Pearlman · 13/08/2016 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whirlygirly · 13/08/2016 09:00

I'm reading this and thinking that I'd hate to give up wine. But the difference is I drink the stuff so slowly, and often dilute with soda water, that I get through a bottle a week, if that.

The bit where you say sometimes you're happy sipping on a few glasses an evening is very telling - that has to add up to a bottle a night.

I worked with a high functioning alcoholic, who over time became low functioning and ended up having to take time off because she couldn't perform her job, in front of the public, at all. It was grim.

Original poster
StrongTeaHotShower · 13/08/2016 09:01

I posted asking if it's possible to cut down rather than give it up completely. Can I join those alcohol threads if I'm still drinking?

OP posts:
Cagliostro · 13/08/2016 09:01

You are an alcoholic

Cagliostro · 13/08/2016 09:02

Sorry that was blunt. I meant yes, do join the thread, and well done for posting about it Thanks

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