To think that when you're using play equipment in the park it's rude for parents to stand next to you waiting for you to finish

[Qedwai]

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who hates this or if I'm being unreasonable.

When I'm in the park with my Sons and we want to go on something we play on something else until it's free and then quickly go on it once it becomes available. We don't stand right next to the parent and child waiting for them to get off! If we know something is really popular we will only stay on 5 mins so that everyone gets a chance to play.

One thing I've noticed consistently, is that there are a small number of parents who will stand right next to you with their child, literally waiting for you to get off the equipment. In the process, making you feel rushed and uncomfortable. Especially if they make a big deal of the fact they are waiting by saying stuff like 'won't be long now and you can go on once this boy has got off'.

Today I was in a large, fairly busy park and I put my Son in the swing. I had only just put him in when a woman went right behind me and said to her daughter 'we will go on once this boy has finished' she then proceeded to stand still, right next to me, with a grumpy face until we took our Son out of the swing'.

It's something I would never ever do. I think it's rude and unnecessary. Standing nearby is different but right next to the person is rude.

If a park is so busy it's necessary to queue for things I suppose that's different, but i'm not talking about parks like that. Just normal parks.

I know I probably am being a bit unreasonable but it's happened a few times now, and it's really getting on my nerves.

And yes, Gotta, it's not your problem if I am stressed by your behaviour. Likewise, it's not my problem if you want me to hurry

I don't think I said I wanted anyone to hurry. I would wait as long as I had to.

Hullo everyone,

Thanks to everyone who reported this thread to us. We'd like to remind everyone of our Talk Guidelines, and perhaps more pertinently, of our This Is My Child campaign. Please do report anything else you'd like us to look at.

Nothing I am saying is disablist.
Expect all the parents with disabled children on this thread disagree with you on that.

Wonder why the thread needs a reminder of the this is my child campaign if no one is being disablist..

someone is invading my space or being passive aggressive verbally
Which you have defined as standing by the pole and providing constant reassurance to their child that it will be their turn soon at a volume that you can hear.

I have an asd child and adhd child, I do not think pearl is being disablist at all. In certain situations I've found it helpful to explain the reasons for my child's outbursts or difficult behaviour. That's all she's asking for, Information.

Or: after a few minutes waiting, you bugger off elsewhere with child and do something else. Cos not everything works out exactly as anticipated, does it? So you can do something else and get past the disappointment. And this is not a terrible life lesson.

She's not asking for an explanation of difficult behaviour.

(Whilst I appreciate that Jodie as a mother would find this helpful, how on earth Pearlman can actually expect/demand it is beyond most folk).

Pearlman assumes anyone queuing for a go on the swing is rude unless the adult can mitigate that the child has additional needs. Failing this Pearlman will in turn respond with rudeness. Although she has said that 'unless someone asks her politely'; I offered that I would do that and she responded that in fact my wait would double.

Pearlman's comments have been deleted for failing to follow guidelines, the only posts that have been deleted are hers (In this context) for being predjuidce towards those with disabilities.

In addition to this Pearlman has said that she doesn't have children that she takes to the park.

My klaxon sounded out way back, this person displays major sociopathic behaviors and I truly believe that HQ should delete the thread as it's honestly one of the most offensive I have come a cross.

I agree -mn please look into this

Major sociopathic behaviours?

Most offensive thread ever?

You obviously haven't been in the sex topic...

Sex would never offend me, in any context. Being disabilist towards children: offends, angers, shocks, repulses, and riles me and most people no end; the perpetrator of which can only be (at best) described as sociopathic.

Ok maybe in some contexts 😁 not straight up tho .... Anyway this isn't the sex topics

I've never been to the sex tropics

I am confused. You have to know someone is disabled and knowingly show prejudice once that is known, to be disablist surely?
Has Pearlman deliberately and knowingly done this?
I am not defending anyone here..just clarifying?

Refusing to consider hidden disabilities..

Sorry Hq I am very disappointed with your response to this thread, after promising a better response to disablist recently.

Upon the presumption of passive aggression/rude behaviour ...if the disability wasn't 'clear' she would just treat them with reciprocal rudeness

I've read this whole thread now and thought, sod it, I think I'll stay at home and watch television

Upon the presumption of passive aggression/rude behaviour ...if the disability wasn't 'clear' she would just treat them with reciprocal rudeness

That's a bit of a minefield.
I don't think many people who perceives a rudeness or aggression toward them of any kind would automatically consider whether the person had a disability, would they?
If they knew it was the case they would then be more considerate I think.

Not sure why I am posting but heyho, here goes.
This is a very upsetting thread, which when you read the original post is hard to believe. It could have gone either way really as the OP said they had only just got on, but more importantly that the parent was looking grumpy.
Obviously we all need to be a hell of a lot more tolerant of others but this was the start of an aibu which could have been taken lightheartedly.
I respect fanjo's comments and clearly pearl would have been better not developing from that grain of sand.
I don't think mnhq should delete as these issues need to be discussed and debated to raise awareness, as hurtful as they are.
Fanjos comment early on about children running past when there is a child who is slower to reach equipment made me instantly think. I don't think my children have done this but it definitely made me think to look out for this in the future.
Pearl has simply refused to acknowledge, despite many posts, that she is plain wrong.

Yes, I hate the running past thing. I've yet to meet a parent who would stop that

Nobody owes a complete stranger an explanation for why they are talking to their child the way they are, especially not in the context of; "you have to wait your turn, darling. I'm sure it won't be long."

It's obvious those who don't have experience of small children. Last week, we were part of the way through a long car drive and small child pipes up; "when are we getting there?". I knew he was bored and that if I said "3 more hours, love, assuming the M25 isn't being an arse". I said "not long" or "soon". I wasn't suggesting that DP drives faster and I wasn't making a passive aggressive statement about his miles per hour. It's just stuff you say to kids!

I must admit thought that I wouldn't necessarily consider unusual behaviour or behaviour I didn't like to be an SN issue so I suppose, if it is, it is helpful to be told if it isn't obvious although not obligatory if it makes anyone uncomfortable. If people do know then they will adjust their behaviour, if it is inappropriate.

Saying that, nothing has really fazed me enough at the park to be rude to anyone there so I haven't really needed any explanations! Everyone seems to be so angry on this thread and I don't think I've ever experienced this first hand at the park.

Remember that we are not talking about a child being difficult or rude, we are talking about a child waiting by the post of the swing while the parent offers constant reassurance that it will be their turn soon.
Several parents pointed out that this is normal behaviour for an autistic child.
Pearlman declared this to be rude, stupidly close and disrespectful and as such she would make the child wait even longer.
She said that in order to not receive this treatment, the parent would have to disclose to her that the child was autistic.

Even having been told numerous times that this is normal behaviour for an autistic child and parent, to refuse to consider this as a possibility and assume that the parent was deliberately being rude - that is disablist.
Not knowing the first time this happens - that's understandable, but deliberately refusing to consider it unless it is disclosed is disablist.

Disabled kids often do things differently - they shouldn't have to explain themselves every time. The behaviour that we are talking about here doesn't even affect anyone else - the parent is just reassuring the child in a way that the child is able to process.

Sorry Gottaget I was paraphrasing Pearlmans several posts. Needanother has explained it much better than I could