To think that when you're using play equipment in the park it's rude for parents to stand next to you waiting for you to finish

[Qedwai]

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who hates this or if I'm being unreasonable.

When I'm in the park with my Sons and we want to go on something we play on something else until it's free and then quickly go on it once it becomes available. We don't stand right next to the parent and child waiting for them to get off! If we know something is really popular we will only stay on 5 mins so that everyone gets a chance to play.

One thing I've noticed consistently, is that there are a small number of parents who will stand right next to you with their child, literally waiting for you to get off the equipment. In the process, making you feel rushed and uncomfortable. Especially if they make a big deal of the fact they are waiting by saying stuff like 'won't be long now and you can go on once this boy has got off'.

Today I was in a large, fairly busy park and I put my Son in the swing. I had only just put him in when a woman went right behind me and said to her daughter 'we will go on once this boy has finished' she then proceeded to stand still, right next to me, with a grumpy face until we took our Son out of the swing'.

It's something I would never ever do. I think it's rude and unnecessary. Standing nearby is different but right next to the person is rude.

If a park is so busy it's necessary to queue for things I suppose that's different, but i'm not talking about parks like that. Just normal parks.

I know I probably am being a bit unreasonable but it's happened a few times now, and it's really getting on my nerves.

It's getting ridiculous fanjo. There needs to be deleted for being disabilist message every time.

'no-one should have to announce what their need is in order to have others respect that need." I'm paraphrasing the post, but this is a genuine question: how does one respect a need if I don't have any information about it? my imagination is not infinite, so I can't anticipate every possible situation for every possible person. Isn't it reasonable to ask for a bit of help, in the form of information, here? A friend of mine is autistic, with very low IQ. When I went with her recently to buy a book, she spent 30 minutes arguing with me that the book she had chosen, and which was with the sales assistant at the till, was not the same book as the one on the shelf that she had chosen. Is it reasonable for me to say to the sales assistant that in order to make the sale, it is necessary to walk from the till, with the book, back to the position on the shelf where the book had originally been, and take it up again, to carry it to the till, in order to convince my friend that this is the right book? Is is unreasonable to say "my friend thinks in a particular way, diagnosed as autism, which means if you want to make this sale, and keep us as satisfied customers, you're going to have to do this'? Sorry if this is off-topic, but I am genuinely trying to navigate my way as someone who only lives this stuff intermittently, not daily.

Wow this thread has turned nasty since I last read it.

I am shocked at people refusing to acknowledge there are people with additional needs unless a diagnosis is specifically explained to them.

Also, according to some peoples definition I must be being constantly passive aggressive to anyone in earshot of me talking to my toddler.

I wait next to the swings but ds too small to go on anything else so we can't really go anywhere else

But what's an appropriate amount of time in a busy park? I presume it's different from the amount of time in a quiet park? My gym requests users of treadmills, etc, not to spend more than 20 minutes on that item of equipment at busy points in the day so that everyone gets a go. Would 20 minutes be appropriate for a child waiting to use a swing? Probably not...5 minutes? 2 minutes? I know: why don't we ask the park to set a time, and then employ staff to monitor compliance, with powers to arrest infringers of the rules, until the point that all users of the park were sufficiently socialised to just FUCKING be reasonable and considerate human beings?

There is a stage before this though Pearlman, which is your assumption that someone going about their usual business in a way which is contextually and socially appropriate is for some reason being passive aggressive.

Because of this assumption (which is wrong for the most part but you don't want to admit that), you will behave in a confrontational way.

We then get to the fact that rather than try to be considerate to other people's needs in general, you would require the parent to explain their child's specific needs or disabilities - without this explanation, you will continue to be unpleasant and obnoxious.

Pearlman: People can disagree with you without trying to goad you.

Really?

But you said earlier that if you thought people were being rude to you (and you maintain you can tell when people are being rude and trying to pressure you) then you would teach them a lesson by taking your own sweet time with your child on the swings.

Maybe next time you go to the park, you can repeat the mantra to yourself that people can disagree with you about how long is long enough for a go on the swings and it doesn't mean they are trying to provoke you into any response.

If someone is directing their comments your way, are they not communicating with you, Pearlman?

Did you not say ' If you need something from me, please communicate it. If you don't, that's fine.'

Given your posts on here, I would not say that you are an idiot, but I would say that you seem to personalise general communication at times and tend towards being angry as a result.

Understatement of the year there wrt your subjective judgement.

You haven't responded to any questions from upthread about what you hope to teach your child when you behave so badly.

I was always brought up that 2 wrongs don't make a right Pearl.

I think MN can be a good indicator of where we stand in terms of our views in relation to those of others and this thread would suggest that an assumption that all behaviour is rude as standard is not 'normal' (as in common).

I have learned a lot about where my views differ from the norm through being on here, it's challenging but interesting.

And you know what communication means.

You apparently read people's minds in the park so you do acknowledge that they are communicating with you. While you admit that your reading of their minds may be faulty, you judge their proximity as 'stupidly close', and you are ready to act on your assumptions.

You are very sure they are communicating with you, because otherwise your decision to take your sweet time would be the choice of a sociopath. There is simply no other word to describe the choices you make unless you are very sure that the other people have communicated hostility to you or are engaged in a power struggle with you.

Only read the first page but OP IMO YANBU. I would maybe loiter nearby but give you a smile to indicate I don't mind waiting. Can't stand the huffy gobby waiters either! 5 mins is totally reasonable

Hyperbole?

I call it as I see it, Pearlman.

What would you call someone who decided to hog the swings in a playground where others were waiting for a turn if that person didn't feel they had ample justification for doing so, and just did it for the heck of it?

Not only do you read the minds of others, you expect them to read yours in return - you want parents of SN children to volunteer personal information to you, you want people to be direct and not beat about the bush or hint if they think you have overstayed your welcome on the swings. But you don't tell these people what you want from them. You want them to somehow discern it all.

You think people owe you the favour of reading your mind and you claim the privilege of hostile communication in response to them if they break your unwritten rules of communication, which you expect them to understand despite not actually being direct with them about what you are doing.

It's one rule for you and another for everyone else when it comes to communication, it seems.

I'm not an idiot.

And yet ...