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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed at my mum?

209 replies

Kidsrulethishouse · 12/08/2016 23:36

This is going to sound very petty and materialistic. I am very aware of that but its more the principal that gets me.
I have been after a pair of shoes for months, not because I am shoe mad or anything but for sentimental reasons. Said shoes are very rare and SO SO hard to get hold of. A pair came up in my size and I was ready to buy them, financially it was doable but a bit of a push. My mum offered to buy them for me and let me pay her back when I was more easily able to (I must say, I didn't ask. Not even a hint!) I very gratefully accepted her offer and she bought the shoes. They were delivered yesterday and she has now decided that actually she likes them and will be keeping them herself.
I am so upset because not only not going to not get them now, I won't want another pair because the sentimental reason behind them is ruined. She fully understood why I wanted them and how long I had been trying to get them. She wouldnt even know they existed if I hadnt told her I wanted them. I know there are more important things in life but I dont get why my own mum would take away something important to me just because she felt like it.

OP posts:
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liz70 · 13/08/2016 12:53

"Dear Mother,

As is typical of narcissists, you are an unpleasant, selfish and calculating woman who shows complete disregard for your own daughter's feelings. You may have given birth to me, but a mother to me you certainly are not. I wish to have no more contact with you, nor for you to have contact with my children. I wish this to prevent them being hurt in the same way you have hurt me.

Goodbye."

(That's the sort of letter I think I'd be composing if I were the OP.)

JinkxMonsoon · 13/08/2016 13:00

I was about to go on a rant at how utterly spiteful and LOW that was, and what sort of woman does that to her own daughter... and then you mentioned that she's a narc, so I guess you're used to it.

But I bet she looks ridiculous in them Grin Irregular Choice shoes aren't really suitable for a lady above a certain age. Not being ageist - just fact.

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 13/08/2016 13:06

pearlman

No

It's not a pair of shoes

It could've been anything from a lucky sixpence to an ocean going yacht, the OPs mum KNEW how much she wanted the shoes, and that she wanted them for a very personal sentimental reason, rather than just liked the colour. She stepped in unasked to 'help' buy them, then deliberately didn't give them to her, as she wants to parade around in them. Rubbing it in.

Fucking nasty.

Cagliostro · 13/08/2016 13:18

what an absolute bitch

PrimalLass · 13/08/2016 13:39

No I know it wasn't helpful, but I've fixated on things in the past and then realised afterwards that it would have been a mistake.

Stevefromstevenage · 13/08/2016 13:41

I can picture Bjorck or Vivienne Westwood in shoes like these well past 45. I think they take a certain personality to carry them off. OP if you are over 45 steal them anyway.

dowhatnow · 13/08/2016 13:42

That's just horrible of her.

george1020 · 13/08/2016 13:55

What a spiteful bitch!

Even though it's 'just' shoes the whole attitude would be enough for me to go NC with her! I just wouldn't want someone like her in my life.

I am seething on your behalf.

hollyisalovelyname · 13/08/2016 14:44

MrsDeVere's suggestion to say 'I am so glad You decided to keep them' and say nothing else will work a treat.
That will kill her.
I am gobsmacked that your Mum could do such a thing.
I would be withdrawing contact with this toxic b*tch.

ItWentInMyEye · 13/08/2016 14:55

Wow. She'll look a right tit! Grin

NightWanderer · 13/08/2016 15:32

Just one day look at them and say "Wow, my friend was right, they really are fucking ugly shoes. So glad I didn't waste my money on them."

You can't reason with a narc. The more emotion and energy you give them, the more they feed off it.

Find something else meaningful to do or buy and don't tell her.

JinkxMonsoon · 13/08/2016 15:52

"I'm so glad you decided to keep them" is the perfect response. Absolutely perfect.

OreosAreTasty · 13/08/2016 17:01

How awful OP.
I'm very sorry you're mums a dickhead

OreosAreTasty · 13/08/2016 17:01

Your* Blush

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 13/08/2016 17:09

Your mum has been vile. Really, really vile.

But those shoes! You have had a lucky escape. They are horrible!

Get yourself a panda photo frame and put a picture of your children in it if you're sentimental about pandas. No need to offend your feet or my eyes with those monsters Wink

J0kersSmile · 13/08/2016 17:12

Are you sure she's not keeping them to give to you for Christmas or a birthday?

liz70 · 13/08/2016 17:20

From the OP:

"Its defo not an elaborate plan to give them as a gift. Shes already wearing them."

Memoires · 13/08/2016 21:58

That is inexpressibly mean. Never trust her with anything again. Keep your children away from her as much as possible.

I really do think stealing them would be quite a good revenge and then to lie cold-facedly to her if she accuses you. It would be quite a good joke, table-turning really, and it's not like she deserves better from you. Then one day wear them, and when asked, just say you finally found another pair.

Of course, they'll never mean the same to you. You do need to think about what effect it will have on your view of yourself, that'll be the most important aspect of any sort of revenge.

I'm sorry you didn't get your shoes and that the whole thing's been spoilt for you, and most of all that your mum did that to you. Please don't let her be in a position to do things like that to your children, or any more to you. You deserve better and so do they. Flowers

WhatchaMaCalllit · 13/08/2016 22:18

I have to say that I think you've had a lucky escape with those irregular choice shoes...they are definitely an acquired taste.

If you google "panda heels" you come across these shoes (which I think are much nicer) and they are a few seasons old, so you may be able to come across them at a reduced cost on the internet:
trendsandtribulations.com/tag/panda-bear-heels/

Mycraneisfixed · 13/08/2016 22:25

That really is mean. Why would a mother behave like that?Angry

Twodogsandahooch · 13/08/2016 22:33

Think about it OP. She has just spent a fair bit on shoes she doesn't even want. If it was a pair of black Louboutins I could understand your mum deciding to keep her purchase. Do what Mrs DV suggests. There are plenty of other panda items out there. Your time will come.

Jelliebabe1 · 13/08/2016 22:50

What a cowbag!

Kidsrulethishouse · 13/08/2016 23:46

You lot have cheered me up so much! Thanks!
I think that I will just comment on how actually not very nice they are and leave it at that.
My DP is not happy with her at all. He has said that he had seen them too and was about to buy them for me.
I am also bidding on a full panda mascot suit so I can wear it to her house whilst holding a sign that reads 'YOU ARE A TWAT' 😂

OP posts:
ChippyDucks · 13/08/2016 23:55

Kids Grin

On a more serious note, I'd want to throttle the cow. There's plenty of other panda merchandise around. cut her off and concentrate on your own family panda circle, she sounds completely callous and selfish not to mention cruel

IwannaSnorlax · 14/08/2016 00:04

That really is out of order Op - horrible. Has she said why she has acted that way?