To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

Cheesy mash is damn delicious, however, cheesy mash and gravy might be a bit rough in fairness.

OP, I think you are very brave taking two young boys to stay with old relatives in Wales. I remember visiting old relatives in Wales when I was little, and it being a very weird and claustrophobic experience with hundreds of nicnaks everywhere.

Gosh, Wales, which is full of bizarrely identical Old Relatives and their identikit knicknacks and male voice choirs urging your offspring to eat lamb

Just my opinion but you sound super fussy and a bit hard work. I lose patience with adult fussy eaters. I'm vegetarian but also as someone doesn't give me meat, I will et or try to eat anything! I've even gone out with groups of friends to steakhouses and found something to have, even if it's three different starter dishes put together for dinner.

I used to sit there and try and swallow down meals that I hated. It was horrible.

I don't do it anymore, food is to be enjoyed. Simple as that.

Instead I just say no thank you. Or they say do you want such and such on your plate, no big deal.

If I'm hosting/cooking I always ask preferences, I don't just cook a big meal and assume people will like it, nor do I want them to pretend they like it and force it down. I find that more insulting than actually rejecting said food.

OP it sounds as if you aren't very keen on them anyway, couldn't your husband and kids of gone on their own? That way they get some family time but you don't have to stay somewhere you clearly don't want to.

I think your suggestion of the park was a good one, long car journey plus kids can be a nightmare and I agree that they needed to run off some steam.

Mine and DPs parents put breakable stuff out of reach, just in case. Easier than saying no all the time!

I think if you had posted asking for how to approach staying at PIL's with a fussy child you would have got plenty of support and advice.

What you did post was in AIBU which is asking for people to say if you re being unreasonable or not. You came across to me as unreasonable turning up and expecting people to cater for the needs of not just a fussy child but also your own fussiness. You didn't even bring any sausages with you.
I sympathise with having picky eaters, I have had two. I find it harder to sympathise when people just accept the child will only eat sausages and make it into a big deal. However fussy I discouraged my children from moaning and whinging about food they were served. They sit at the table eat what they want and we don't mention food.

microscope 'you're being a rubbish parent'. Wow! That's pretty mean. It's too easy to say things on the internet you'd (I assume) never say in real life.

To be honest OP I think it's your thread title which has got people's backs up, the things you have listed don't really give reason for hatred.

I was a fussy eater as a child and constantly embarrassed my DM (so I made doubly sure my DC's were never rude about food others had prepared). Though when I was small if I didn't eat what I was given I just went without, no harm done.

Trying new things (just small bites) does help and as an adult I am much better at trying foods. Good luck trying to get your DS to change his diet.

You sound like hard work.

reader12

1. Don't apologise for other posters, I for one meant what I said and am not a child who needs apologising for.

1. I can't abide 'd'h or any such thing either. However, I find 'hubby' even more juvenile and lazy in terms of language use. Much like the rest of my post, it's just an opinion.

1. What you said about visiting Wales with children is beyond ridiculous . I never felt 'claustrophobic' visiting my grandparents, or being in Wales in general. What a silly thing to say.

I find it most strange that your eating habits are not known about! I am the first to admit that I struggle a bit with some foods - I do not eat lamb, baked beans or ketchup for instance. My family all know this though! Same as they know that one of my sons who loves dairy is actually mildly intolerant and should be cut off way before he thinks he should be. Families know this stuff about each other don't they?

I do think that YOU should have done your best with the meal provided (everything but the meat for instance) for you to cook youself sausages and just eat roast potatoes when someone has cooked a meal was the height of rudeness, sorry.

Being quite new to mumsnet and not really posting much on here. I obviously posted this in the wrong place thanks to those who have been Under standing and as for those who just feel the need to criticise me and my parenting skills well I won't allow myself to bothered with your horrible comments I am a30 yo woman and I will not be made to feel like a child who has to clear their plate even though they dislike what is on it nor will I bring my children up like that!!

The OP aside, is there a reason why her DH didn't tell his parents that their son is being incredibly fussy at the moment, and please not to cook for him because they'll sort it themselves?

I assume that he didn't tell them what the OP doesn't like because the list is so bloody long.

I don't know why you have got such a hard time, you made a massive effort to set of at 4.30am, which I wouldn't do for anyone, and they can't even be bothered to go to the park when you get there but moan if the children are boisterous in the house.

I don't see what you have done wrong except have a moan. Even the sausages, you cooked your own and ate the rest of the stuff, I don't think that's rude, I have a friend whose son has never eaten a meal ever in my house and only eats bread and butter, I don't care!

Basically, some people are good hosts and some are not. When I go to my mum's house, she immediately stops what she's doing and takes the kids out with her somewhere as she loves to be with them, plus asks what food to cook so we all agree and are happy before we start.

They aren't great hosts, however much everyone goes on about it being polite to eat what you are given. This feels like a different age.

If you don't have fun with people (going to the park) and have to eat food you don't like and get told off a lot, the children simply won't like going there, even if you make them and I'd hate for my grandchildren to dislike coming to see me.

PS And if you're that fussy, you warn your hosts in advance, apologise for being difficult, and offer to do what you can to make it easier eg cooking for yourself.

If you did warn them, they are rude. If you didn't, you are very rude.

You sound as bad as they do, really.

Why reader, of course all Welsh people are the same. Do you usually make bizarre sweeping statements about entire nations?

Plus, you can train your children to be polite, but you can't train them to actually like their grandparents or going there. I would rather people ate sausages and had fun at my house, than I forced a roast dinner on them and wouldn't go to play outside even for 5 min.

To be fair OP, you are coming across as a spoiled child.

Nobody has told you that you should clear your plate. People are just pointing out that fussiness, to the level of turning up your nose at Cheerios and running to the shops for sausages is downright rude and that it's no surprise that this has got the inlaws hackles up.

You sound like very hard work and hte inlaws are probably counting the hours until you all go home.

I hate the use of ALOT. No more to add.

I will not be made to feel like a child - a possible solution might be to not act like one?

Could that work for you OP?

How old are your in laws? If they are my age (52) or older, then they come from a time when you ate what was given to you and didn't make a fuss. If you didn't like something you just quietly left it, or apologised after. I would be annoyed if my son or daughter in-law turned up with their kids and then proceeded to be picky about everything. It is rude.
Also, my kids ,even when small,were taught that they don't go into someone's house and proceed to touch everything ,without asking first. Even after a long trip.
If your in laws don't see your children much, their house is not going to be very child friendly. Why shouldn't they stop them from doing things, it is their house and their things! I actually think you are being very unreasonable.

As a parent I've done twenty years of catering for children's food preferences/fussiness without undue drama.

My daughter is home after her first year at university and last night it happened that two of her friends showed up unexpectedly.

I had been making a Thai fish curry and got extra fish and prawns out of the freezer so there was enough for 5.

One of my daughter's friends was obviously not a fish lover, as she just ate the rice and vegetable/sauce part of the curry and put the fish neatly on the side of her plate.

It was just such a pleasure to eat dinner with 3 young adults who didn't make a fuss and talked and were appreciative.

It was good to feel that all those years of socialising had 'worked'. I know that all sorts of adults have 'issues' - but it is really worth trying to do what you can to overcome them - and gently helping children to overcome them too. As part of being able to be function in a wider social world.

(Which might even include Wales.)

OH. one of those.

OP: AIBU?

POSTERS: yes, you are really, because x, y, z.

OP: No I'm not you're all horrible and how dare you say anything about my parenting skills you're all nasty and I'm not childish (pout pout FLOUNCE)

No one said you had to 'force feed your children' of 'clear your plate'. Drama queen much? You just need to be polite and socially gracious in other people's houses. Your sons will learn from your examples. (Although I'm not a mum OP so I might not be qualified to give my opinion on that I have been a nanny/nursery worker for years though)

I will not be made to feel like a child

if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.....

sorry Salmotrutta x post

^what madhatters said