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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

396 replies

jessieb887 · 11/08/2016 09:50

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet' Wink
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.AngryAngry

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 13/08/2016 22:53

Haven't RTwholeFT, but has anyone asked what the ILs' poor alot has done to be so disliked?

TheRealAdaLovelace · 13/08/2016 22:56

LOL LOL LOL wtf is a heteronormative hay bale?

scaryteacher · 14/08/2016 01:29

Zenaria You should NEVER succumb to someone else's 'issues' just to be polite Yet you and the Op evidently expect others to do so?

kinloss · 14/08/2016 08:31

I am really not sure about the assertion that being made to eat things you don't like causes eating disorders.

I can see that if every mealtime is a battle where a child is forced to finish what is on their plate it will make for unhappiness.

It wasn't like that in my childhood. But there were occasions when somebody - my father, a teacher at school lunch - tried to make me finish something that I disliked. I registered that they thought it was silly that I wouldn't eat something, and did try a few mouthfuls. But just sat there till whoever it was get up.

I think this sort of scene was fairly normal in the 60s, where people took a dim view of children wasting food. I don't regard it as 'child abuse'. (It wasn't like being hit very hard on my head or being shouted at very loudly or punished with inappropriate severity or deliberately frightened, or about unwanted sexual touching. I know because all those things also happened to me in my youth) It was just one of those almost routine battles of wills that happen between children and parents/elders, and without which there would be no need for places like Mumsnet to exist.

I did not grow up to have an eating disorder, and went on to enjoy a very wide range of food. Cooking is one of my main pleasures in life.

Heatherjayne1972 · 14/08/2016 08:48

My ex was like this we would go places where someone had cooked a meal and he would just refuse to eat it because he didn't like it
It's embarrassing - I feel for the ops husband
As for the child I sympathise as once I had a two year old who refused to eat anything at all He survived he's now a very hungry nine year old who eats everything

Julius02 · 14/08/2016 09:05

Same for me as Scaryteacher - I grew up in the 70s and there weren't really any other options available - everyone in the family ate the same thing. We didn't have a freezer until I was about 8, and no microwave until much later and my mum didn't drive. But more importantly, we just didn't have the money; we ate what was cooked for us as it was that or nothing, and portions were much smaller. I remember being hungry and I remember food that I disliked, but it was normal to have a go at eating it. At secondary school in the late 70s/80s we had no choices at school lunches either - it was a set meal every day and if you didn't eat it you ate nothing.

As a result I will eat pretty much anything, although there are many things now that I am fortunate to be able to choose not to eat. In someone else's home I would always eat what I was given, and if it's something I didn't like I would eat as much as I could or ask for a smaller portion.

OP, I think you need to lead by example with your children and show them that they should be grateful for the food prepared for them and try it.

RestlessTraveller · 14/08/2016 09:09

You sound like you are hard work, and I'll-mannered to top it off. I would be mortified if I was your DH.

RestlessTraveller · 14/08/2016 09:10

Ill-mannered that should say.

squoosh · 14/08/2016 12:17

Wear your picky-ness with pride.

Good grief.

fastdaytears · 14/08/2016 12:21

squoosh Shock I know!

derxa · 14/08/2016 14:13

I've never come across an adult with these food 'issues' which are much vaunted and celebrated on here. I must have led a sheltered life.

Gottagetmoving · 14/08/2016 16:18

Never ever wear your pickiness with pride.
It will just make you more of a pain than you already are.

A survival course somewhere where there are few food choices may help. Grin

Roussette · 14/08/2016 16:32

Wearing pickiness with pride just makes you attention seeking and irritates the rest of the population TBH.

Tiggeryoubastard · 14/08/2016 17:01

Wear your pickiness with pride?
What, like an indulged child spoiled rude brat. I meet/interact with all sorts of people on a daily basis. Most have grown up enough to learn manners and gained some self awareness. Mumsnet is probably the only place I'm aware of that so called adults actually come out with ridiculously self-centred, immature crap like this.

Roussette · 14/08/2016 17:19

Luckily I never meet people like this either! I have no friends, family or work colleagues who are mega picky and proud of it.

We all have likes and dislikes, we all just quietly get on with it and don't make a fuss. Thank god I don't know anyone who is like this

Marymoosmum14 · 14/08/2016 17:29

I feel for you, I am a fussy eater myself. I obsessed about it when I was pregnant and have tried everything to stop my DD being like me. People think they are being 'helpful' when they give 'advice' or this people that 'don't have much time for fussy eaters' can be really hurtful. They say grow up and eat I say they should grow up and stop giving a shit caring about our fussiness, they have to deal with it for a meal here and there, we have to live with it.
Rant away. I do, my IL's are great with it, it is my parents that still have a problem with it. As for what to do sorry, still struggling to work that out myself. Everybody doesn't like certain things, even my DP who likes most things doesn't like certain foods.

Roussette · 14/08/2016 17:43

I don't like certain things either, the list is pretty small, but it's there. Eggs for instance. Fine in cakes, meringues, even in tortilla, but couldnt eat a poached or boiled egg. I dont however make a fuss about it (and the rest of the things I dont like) and I dont wear pickiness with pride! That's a dreadful thing to do, is it really a good idea to be proud that you are a fussy eater!

MadHattersWineParty · 14/08/2016 17:46

Not liking certain foods doesn't give you a free pass to be rude to your hosts, or completely wrote off an entire meal that someone has taken the time to cook for you. Can't see anything to be proud of in that level of fussiness/pickiness. Is it really so hard to accept the meal, eat the bits you can and just say 'thank-you'?

PrettyBotanicals · 14/08/2016 17:53

Pride in being picky?

I am afraid those few self-indulgent 'picky' eaters I've met have never been invited back to my home.

I found them incredibly boring. I genuinely think it's vulgar to drivel on about your dietary choices.

Feel free to have a discrete word beforehand if there's something you actually cannot eat.

Otherwise, please know, on behalf of everyone else who shares the planet, that we are less than compelled by what you will and won't eat or what it might do to you. Honestly. It's dull and in extremely bad taste. Manage it yourself. You are an adult, develop a sense of awareness.

You dont sound fascinating or special at all.

kinloss · 14/08/2016 18:43

I have a picky mother rather than a picky child.

She tells me she cannot eat a very wide range of foods, although she has never asked for conventional medical help for her problems. It's all self-diagnosed and treated.

She's also vegetarian. So as far as I can remember it's no meat, fish, very little egg, no soft cheese, no vinegar or citrus/acid fruits, no nuts, pulses or soya products, no spices, no onion, no cabbage. But it's hard to keep track.

I am a decent cook, who can work with allergies or most dietary preferences.. I can do vegan - no problem. I can do gluten free with ease.

When she used to visit me I would try hard to cater for her, but she would always turn round and tell me that something had 'disagreed' with her and then there'd be a post-mortem about what I had done wrong. For example I had made her a trifle, and she'd eaten a large helping. But then she said didn't I know that I shouldn't have put strawberries in because of the oxalic acid.

It was a relief when she stopped visiting me.

I am dreading a forthcoming birthday celebration with her, where I know she will go through the menu at the lovely hotel informing the entire table of all the things she cannot possibly eat...

SoloD · 14/08/2016 20:00

I sympathies I have had to move very close to my in laws and they have come round today, as they do most days and have stayed and stayed, and are still bloody here.

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