To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

Cheesy mash is food of the gods! As is cheesy chips. As is cheesy jacket potatoes (I sense a theme here!)

You sound like an utter pain in the bum really. Fair enough if you're happy to be a faddy eater and don't want to do anything to challenge yourself but you can't then whinge about your hosts cooking and actively dislike them for not understanding your behaviour. I'd be looking forward to you going home to be honest.

I think you are being ungrateful about food. You don't have to like it but you shouldn't demand different food or make noises about it. It's just plain rude. Can you not eat what you are given and tell your 3 year old to do the same? They can eat less if they don't like it.

my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea

sorry, assuming he has no special needs then you are being a rubbish parent to enable that. does he have it every night?

It's really stressful to be with small children in someone else's house when they're being told not to touch stuff. My grandparents in law have a small house filled with trinkets, but they're so lovely they don't mind our children picking things up and having a look, as long as they're careful.
However, I think its quite rude not to eat what you're given when you are an adult. And cheerios are pretty inoffensive! I'd be really apologetic about a fussy child, and would try and encourage them to eat what they're given (but not too much, more just for appearance's sake!) My SIL little boy used to be the same with sausages/chicken nuggets/chips and we'd cook him (and the other children) a separate meal. But I'd never do that for an adult. Just take them out to the park lots I reckon. Much better to be out of the house if it's stressing you out.

Hmm, six of one and half a dozen of the other I think here.

The best situation would be for you to visit your in laws and enjoy it. Which requires a bit of expectation management it seems. However in the current situation this has happened.

Them: "let's all sit down for a nice special meal when they arrive."
You: "I need to do what makes my boys happy."

The two things seem mutually exclusive.

How much communication have you had about their diet to your in laws? How much conversation has been had about what they'll need to do to burn off energy when they arrive?

I love my mil dearly and I do have to tell her over and over the DCs needs/routines/food likes and dislikes (which change a lot) before I go and see her before she processes what I'm am saying.

Then her expectations of our family get togethers are more realistic and no ones disappointed or upset.

For now I'd appease. Then lay the ground better next time.

And I do think that you should try the food at least. She's gone to a lot of effort, unwanted sure, but worked hard nonetheless.

What a horrible bunch of replies you're getting! I'm sorry people are being so obnoxious.

Mumsnetters, what sodding difference does it make if someone says hubby instead of DH? This all sounds to me like snobbery and people turning on someone because she is young and didn't use the "correct" (frankly quite weird) mumsnet code words, so isn't "one of us". It gives me the creeps. When you're trapped in someone else's house, feeling stressed and come on here for support, the last thing you need is loads of judgemental people who don't know you giving you a hard time. How is that going to improve the situation???

OP, I think you are very brave taking two young boys to stay with old relatives in Wales. I remember visiting old relatives in Wales when I was little, and it being a very weird and claustrophobic experience with hundreds of nicnaks everywhere. I do think that you should be more gracious though and that you should try to be polite and eat the food they make, even if your kids won't. And it also sounds like the best way to survive the visit will be to spend lots of time outside! Good luck. xx

You sound very rude and I feel sorry for these people who have welcomed you into their home and cooked a meal for your arrival. A roast dinner is pretty uncontroversial and even if you don't like lamb you could have taken a small piece, eaten the veg and not made a fuss.

Not wanting to go to the park does not make them crap grandparents.

I'm very glad that you are not my daughter in law.

YABU.

You sound like you are just looking for things to get arsed about with your ILs.

Learn some manners and grow up.

YABU. At other people's houses you take what's served up and NEVER say you don't like something. If you don't like it, you just take a very little of it and leave what you can't eat. Same for the children. If you or the children then don't get much to eat then so be it! For breakfast you're perfectly reasonable to say that you won't have Cheerios thanks, but if there's nothing else then you keep quiet and don't have breakfast.

That is my take on it anyway. Last time my DB and SIL came to stay she told me just as I was finishing making sandwiches that they don't like sauce (i.e. ketchup or mayo) so I then found myself opening up the sandwiches and scraping it off - while she watched! Really off in my opinion. If she hadn't remembered to tell me before then they should have just had them, or at the very least done the scraping off herself!

I understand it's often a chore staying with PIL, it certainly is for me. But it's probably also quite hard for PIL having a whole family with small children to stay when they're not used to having small children around. You're best off trying to chill right out and stop ranting to yourself in your head, it will only make it harder for you! It's a chore that has to be done every so often, and they don't sound like bad or mean people, so it could be worse!

You sound really spoilt and pouty to be honest. Just eat what you do like and leave the bits you don't. There's no need for a song and dance about it all. Why don't you nip to the shops and pick up some nice bits that you do like for everyone? I'm sure it would be a relief for your in laws if you had things you liked and the drama died off for you to enjoy your visit.

You don't like the honest feedback but yet you asked for it Do you even appreciate the extra expense on their shopping bill to accomadate you and you're family and the time and effort to cook a meal for you all?

I think there is a back story as to why the OP thinks the grandparents are in her own words rubbish.

Can they come to visit you? It sounds as if it would be easier, with the long journey.

I agree with everyone else that you are being rude in your own attitude to food (I'd have politely pushed a meal about my plate and eaten what I could if I just disliked it, and I'd have been nice about them having made the effort). But it does sound as if you got there very stressed already from the drive, and they didn't really understand how to deal with the children, which makes me wonder how much they see of them?

It really upsets me to read some of the replies on here. It's strange to hear grown up adults who don't know each other saying "you're not a nice person".. when did constructive support become a thing of the past?

Definitely given me a disliking for these chat forums I thought we were all supposed to support each other as mums not make one feel much much worse than they already do!
Umm you posted aibu "To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!" Therefore people will either say yabu or yanbu.
I think yabu for the mums supporting each other comment, there is plenty of support on MN, what you said was melodramatic and quite insulting to MN members, we are not all mums and guess what? Some are, so I've been told. . Men
swoons clutching pearls who regularly give good support and constructive advice on lots of the boards.
I think yabu about your inlaws, they don't sound horrific, but how you feel is how you feel, mustn't be fun for DH.

its bollocks about the fussy eating my dn had a problem with food woudlnt eat anything but twiglets my sister ongoing still sat down and made him try stuff(not in a horribleway) every single day till he tried other things-he now tries most things even if he doesnt end up likng it

why not just leave thelamb to the side and eat the rest-your their guests and u thin theyre being unreasonable?

reader, she isn't young.

I agree that objecting to 'hubby' sounds snobbish, though. And reminds me of the good old MN favourite: OP, what did your husband make to all of this?

I think it would be his responsibility to mediate a bit, tell his parents that the children need to run about to let off some steam, etc.

I would be a bit narked if they're seeing you as the person who's 100% responsible for the children, and from your OP it does sound a bit one-sided.

Two sides to this really. Fussy children are one thing but aside from specific dietary requirements - vegetarian, allergies etc - I've little tolerance for fussy adults. If people have cooked a decent meal for you you shut up and eat it - we've all suffered through a few not ideal meals. To me an adult refusing to eat a meal I've cooked and making sausages instead is pretty damn rude.
The cheerios comment on the other hand sounds out of line but they may just have been exasperated by the previous evening.

OP, I think you are very brave taking two young boys to stay with old relatives in Wales. I remember visiting old relatives in Wales when I was little, and it being a very weird and claustrophobic experience with hundreds of nicnaks everywhere

Have I really just read this? FYI, the "old" relatives are actually the sons Grandparents and they happen to live in Wales. What is wrong with "old" people and what is wrong with Wales?

jessieb887 sorry you are having a bad time...I have stayed with people and witnessed my own family (mother) having guests grudgingly...it's not fun, and you have my sympathy. Ignore all the comments on here, people are very often rude.
Make the best you can of your visit, and buy them some lovely flowers as a thank you, and a quick apology for not loving the roast lamb (we all dislike that too) it's always difficult and a little fraught staying with other people, and you have the added complication of staying with children, and older family can get cranky about little ones.. They don't mean to, it's just their routine has been changed too.
Do the very best you can, ignore the comments, they don't really mean to be nasty...treat your selves when you get home again....
Be like me...log off mumsnet for a few years....only come back when you can happily ignore the criticism and haters out there.....
Good luck.....!!!

YABU for not liking cheesy mash.

It would have been fairer to have told the in-laws beforehand about food preferences? Could you not just have had toast for breakfast? Surely an Indian can just be plain rice and some naan bread if necessary?

Cheese and lashings of butter and creamy milk!!!That is all.

Ds had a phase of eating nothing but pizza and chips. I cried with relief the day he ate a sausage misses the point
I don't eat lamb, but would eat everything else of a roast dinner. Especially if it was cooked specially and would encourage dc to try it. But I would always phone ahead and say if dc wouldn't eat lots of things.