To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

You are being a bit unreasonable. Allergies aside, one of the things you need to do as an adult it be a good guest.
My in laws are Swedish and live waaaay up north. You would not believe some of the stuff I've smiled politely and eaten round at theirs. Ten types of pickled herring. Pickled sheep, smoked sheep, fermented herring (never again) salted reindeer.... and everything doused in enough salt to kill a man. Nary a vegetable in sight. By being accommodating and trying everything, people are much more reasonable when you genuinely can't eat something.
A lamb roast is pretty mild. It's not an extreme food challenge. Eat it.
Dh has genuine issues with food and even he smiles politely and tries stuff. We've often nipped to get food on the way back from places because he's been unable to stomach what's on offer but has been polite and made the effort.

Is there more to this than you've told us? It can be difficult to get along with in laws and sometimes issues like food are easier to address than what's really bothering you.

*jessieb887, will you not take any of the comments on board then? As a 30 year old woman (cannot believe you're older than me), of course you don't have to do as your told regarding food - but you really should have learned some manners in regards to being a guest by now. You've been very rude about your host, without acknowledging your own rude behaviour - and there has been some. If you do not recognise this, how on earth do you expect your children's behaviour (with food or otherwise) to improve?

Did you pre-warn them about the fussy eating? I have a very fussy ds and always pre-warn people and offer to take my own food for him and cook it. If you didn't do this yadbu.

I'd eat whatever I was given tbh or at least some of it although saying that I always check guests like what I'm planning food wise. I can't get my head around making sandwiches, esp with sauce and assuming everyone else would like them though. We have a few choices and ask people what they'd prefer.

You're not helping your children at all. I can't believe there's nothing in roast that you or they could have eaten. But especially you.

Your poor ILs. How long are you there for? Can we send some

Also cheesey mash is amazing and anyone saying it's not is wrong.

Also I flat out refuse to believe that unless there are any SN that a health visitor said it was fine to crack on feeding just sausages and chips.

Your attitude to food will not be helping. If you don't want to be treated like a child don't act like one.

Don't worry though op I imagine you've behaved badly enough to ensure they dont invite you again in a hurry so you won't have to worry about having to eat shocking revolting food such as a roast dinner.

You sound like hard work. They sound pretty normal. Their house is their house, they won't want it trashed. Do they not have a garden?

And as a grown adult wanting sausages instead of the roast is very grating I would imagine.

I would also imagine that you give them the impression that you think they are unreasonable, which will probably be adding to their irritation with you.

Why don't you start acting like a 30 year old then OP? I don't like lamb, but if someone had been kind enough to cook for me, I would have eaten it. I think the only thing I have ever refused to eat was tongue with gherkins in a casserole that mil produced. I just had veg. You sound tiresome.

I'm also waiting for op to clarify if she took the time to let her in laws know she was fussy and what her DCs ate... She's dodged the question so I'm imagining not.

My almost 19 year old DD is fussy, always has been. No idea where she gets it from as everyone else here eats pretty much everything.
Being an adult I get that there are things she doesn't like, and if I'm preparing a meal I will adjust hers.
She eats a lot at her boyfriends house and has eaten everything put in front of her by his Mum because, well, manners.

Oh don't start the 'I thought we were support each other'! People don't blindly support other just because they are mothers.

This! Give over with the poor mum line. Yabu and it doesn't matter if you are a mum, if you are rude then you will be told that.

Don't act like a child then :/

If ever there was an example of a poster displaying the traits their adamant they don't have, this is it.

II will not be made to feel like a child' whilst I stomp my feet because no one is agreeing with me!

As a gp, I often host meals for my dd's, their partners and my gc's. They all have different likes and dislikes, but I will not arrange meals around this because it would be impossible and I don't run a restaurant. I never get complaints because I don't give them opportunity but neither do I ridicule their likes and dislikes. I tell them what it is, but they all unfailingly turn up.

To be honest op, I think the food situation is getting in the way of the support you wanted with regard to your PIL's intolerance of your dcs. This is because they are stuck in their ways and want to protect their property. Sad but true.

Two of my gc's live with me and I tend to buy furniture etc around them - recent ebay sofa and second hand leather sofa and chair from a family member. They don't have to do this though, do they? I think they will settle/calm down in a day or two if you are still there. As you get older, you do get a bit more intolerant.

I would have gone to the park with you whether I wanted to or not. Its about making you welcome and I think they made a mistake there which has soured the start of your break.

As for the meal, well I would not be happy with you at all. I am pathetically grateful if I get a meal cooked for me. Memories here of my nan's casserole and rice pudding which I ate with a death stare from my dad. You should have encouraged your ds to show a willing as they would have seen the difficulties you face.

Your inlaws sound selfish and intolerant, but you sadly have not come across too well and aibu is always a bear pit. Just hope you don't feel even worse now on your break.

^And you don't eat Indian food......what an entire cuisine from a huge country.

Not even Naan bread, or a bit of chicken?

You sound like the worst kind of guest.^

Rubbish.
I'm a fussy eater - I also have a lot of allergies.
I don't like Indian food - none of it. Yes - an entire cuisine from a huge continent. I've tried most of it over the years and now I put my foot down and won't be bullied into trying it any more.
I can't stand the spices, can't stand the smells (I have a really strong sense of smell) and spent far too many meals in my 20s trying out everything off the menu as I was being forced to by well meaning friends who thought they could find the Indian meal that I'd like (they couldn't)

I can't see why that's a problem.
I tell people about my allergies and dislikes.
If someone arranges a birthday meal that's in an Indian restaurant, I don't go. Simple.
I'm the same if someone brings in cream cakes for their birthdays (although smell isn't an issue for that) or someone wants to go to a fish restaurant.

OP - I'm with you on this. If your ILs are so difficult, arrange for them to come to you instead if possible - it's on your turf then, your home is presumably safe for your kids to play in without being told off all the time, you can cook meals for the grownups plus sausages for your DC, much easier to control.

Jessie, like you I'm quite new to Mumsnet and it's not at all like I imagined. Just because posters ask for an opinion doesn't mean they are opening themselves to be set upon and criticised for every aspect of their lives. I'm sure your younger DS will be enjoying a varied diet like his brother soon but in the meantime you're wise not to make an issue around food. Whenever I see a young visitor eyeing the food I always say "Just eat what you want. Food is to be enjoyed" Not helpful to you at all at this time to tell you what you should have done before the visit. We can all be wise after the event.
Is there a local cafe you can take the dreaded in laws out to for lunch etc where sausages are on the menu?
Tell them your boys need to let off steam etc and you can see MIL has precious stuff so you'll take them out for the day. Maybe DH can stay home with them if the older folk can't be persuaded to join you.
Hard being in someone else's home with young ones and Not A Holiday away from all you routines and without access to your own mod cons. Still you will have done your duty and maybe you won't get another invitation until your DSs are much older!
Good luck

Comedywing - I have just seen your comment about identical elderly relatives in Wales. Loved this, it made me laugh out loud!

How old are you? Did you say 30? You sound like another toddler. I don't like this, I don't like that, my children want to do that & I want to do that. You are a guest, eat what you are given and obey the house rules , that includes your children. That's what adults do , get on with it & accept you can't always have things your way especially in someone else's home.

If the 4yo isn't fussy then why did you give him sausages too?

The fact that you have sought advice from a HV over your sons' severely restricted diet means you acknowledge there is a problem here with his relationship with food. You also have a problematic relationship with food. If you are visiting somewhere where you and your son are being catered for then why wouldn't you have contacted them in advance to explain the situation to discuss whether they would be prepared to accommodate your 'needs' or whether you should bring your own food. I don't get it.

If I were you, I would feel like a dick because you've handled this situation badly. To your hosts, you must appear as though you think sausage and chips every day is normal and that they would somehow know this. Although you acknowledge that this is a restricted diet, you do seem to have normalised fussy eating and the effects are obvious on your children. As a pp has said, I'm not sure health visitors are the best information source in this situation either - I have heard such a lot of crap from them over the years - I was encouraged to stop breast feeding during the early weeks because I would get better sleep using a bottle. Ignored this. I was told that 'they hoped that because I am vegetarian that I won't be forcing my children to be'. I think you'd be better getting yourself some books on the subject of fussy eating, written by people with specialist experience, which will give you tips on how to nip this in the bud. When I host fussy eating children I just find it a real hassle. I haven't come across many fussy eating adults because if they are then I assume they just suck it up and eat whatever filth I dish up, because they are adults.

Also, I thought that the rule about 'it's ok if children only eat one or two things' only applied if the things were reasonably healthy?

You and your children should try to eat what has been prepared by your hosts. Its just good manners isn't it?

I don't think the OP is being criticized for every aspect of her life, but for having a childish attitude and complaining about being told she is being unreasonable when she asked, "Am I being unreasonable". It's the princess fits and pouting since then that have got my back up.

I'm surprised the in laws don't know what their dil eats.

My in-laws know I don't eat red meat, which is fine as their daughter is vegetarian so I have what she has if they're cooking a Sunday roast or something. It would be weird if they had no idea about this when I've been visiting them since 1999.