To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

I would be shocked at any adult not eating a dinner that someone kindly prepared. That's from a very fussy eater when l was young but who ate anything presented in anyone else's house as didn't want to be rude. I could understand your dc but you no! You would be my idea of a visitor from hell.

YABU and actually just bloody rude

And if you expect to be catered for did you say in advance what you would/wouldn't eat?
If I was as fussy I'd put and out tel them you'd bring your own food not wait till they'd gone to the effort and expense of a roast dinner to then sulk and eat sausages.

And them asking your children not to touch certain things is not unreasonable on their part. Nor is not wanting to go to the park with you

Having one child who is a fussy (though very consistent) eater and one who eats pretty much anything I totally understand the difficulty with the food. Weirdly for DS1 I did all the things they said about home-prepared wide range of foods, only to be trumped by a 2 year old who refused to eat a lot of things. He literally would rather be hungry. We got to a whole day one time (again following the recognised advice) and I realised it was more than just fussing. His range of foods has since been very limited but broadly healthy (luckily) and it is improving gradually as he is getting older. I think he has very acute taste buds, he can taste bread is about to turn mouldy before any of the rest of us for example. It has driven some of my older relatives mad at times, but his welfare trumps their views to my mind. DS2 had a lot more chaotic weaning with a good number of jars etc. He has always eaten like a dustbin (like me). They are just different.
Just wanted to reassure you that it does get easier, though I guess I would probably try to be a bit more flexible in eating what they provided myself. Maybe suggest to them that they visit your home instead if they can't cope with it?

Can't see where anyone has suggested you force feed your DC til they are sick - but I have only scan read the replies.

You are a grown up and as such you can chose to eat what you like - however you are old enough to know that at times you have to make an effort to be sociable. I hate veg without gravy - DP's parents hate "wet" food - I respect their choice and have a small portion of veg I can manage to eat without gravy.

You really do sound like you are being difficult on purpose - you don't like Cheerios, ask if you can just have fruit or toast. You don'

Yabvu and only eating sausage and chips is something to worry about, it's full of salt and crap!

What else do they do then OP? The reasons you've given are not really enough to dislike them a LOT. Or even a little. They are your husband's parents and your children's grandparents!

"I got a bit pissed off with my SIL when they came for Easter lunch and she sat dn up to the table an hour before lunch was ready and gave him ham sandwiches because he wouldn't eat a roast. She didn't even give him the option to try it".

I would have done this with my two year old ds - he would not have been able to wait an extra hour to eat without a strop and I never tried to get him to eat new food in company due to it being a bit painful for all concerned. He is nine now and eats everything.

Which is fine Bird, if it's a few random food items that can discretely be left on the side of a plate.

Not so fine when you're refusing to eat an entire meal someone's cooked for you, and having sausages with your kid instead.

My way of dealing with fussy kids (of which I've had two), is to say 'this is dinner - take it or leave it'. Many meals have been left. Both kids are still standing.

You sound a nightmare. Poor inlaws. You are in their house so suck it up food wise. You should also get your child used to having different types of food on his plate even if he won't eat them. You are fussing him too much.

Posted too soon.

You don't like Indian food either but are happy to send everyone out for an Indian meal so you can have some time out to yourself (in your in- laws house)! Maybe next time you can host them - and we can all get the MILs pov!

"I got a bit pissed off with my SIL when they came for Easter lunch and she sat dn up to the table an hour before lunch was ready and gave him ham sandwiches because he wouldn't eat a roast. She didn't even give him the option to try it

My sister does this with dniece. Because as her mother, my sister knows what my niece will eat. Saves herself the argument and everyone gets to enjoy their meal in peace without a 4 year old screaming and crying because she is being forced to eat something she doesn't like.

In our house we had a rule that everyone had at least one forkful of whatever was on the plate (unless they were allergic, obviously, in which case fair enough). If they didn't like it, they didn't have to eat it, but they had to taste it. (Kids' tastebuds develop all the time - and if they don't experiment with flavours they end up with a very limited diet.) However, if they left it, they got nothing until the next meal. I always tried put something they liked on their plates as well as something they might be fussy about. I'm not a total monster.

I feel a bit sorry for your in-laws. Yes, they may have been a little unfair expecting two young kids not to be over-excited after been stuck in a car - but were you doing anything to stop the kids running riot? They may have been worried that the children would hurt themselves. Did you say - "come on kids! Let's have a game of football while Daddy has a catch-up with Grannie and Granda, Then Daddy'll play with you while Mammy has a cuppa tea"? I bet you didn't! Yes - you were tired too, but they're your children. Or you could have read them a story and encouraged them to have a nap.

I think the Cheerios would have been the last straw for me, if I had been your in-laws. As others have said - you're a grown woman. Eat enough to be polite. Personally, I detest Cheerios and all cereals except cornflakes so would probably have asked for toast, but I think they would have accepted this if you hadn't made such a fuss about every other meal they had put in front of you.

You are unwittingly bringing up your children to have very limited diets - what happens when they go to a friend's house/school trip/join the army? They'll be living on breadsticks!

Your poor in laws You sound worse than a petulant child OP. Your in laws have my deepest sympathies.

Does your 3 yo eat sausages and chips for tea every day then?!? ILs do sound a bit rude, if I had fussy eaters staying with me, I would try and get in the things that I know they like to eat.

Ok childish I obviously am, there was me hoping for some decent support from other mums out there but instead being battered with a barrage of criticism over my child's eating habits which I am seeking advice from his health visitor! Definitely given me a disliking for these chat forums I thought we were all supposed to support each other as mums not make one feel much much worse than they already do!

Yabu, for both using 'hubby' and for being quiet rude of their hospitality.
I can understand not eating lamb, but it sounds like nothing is good enough for you and your precious fussy family.

Reminds me of my mil. She was offered a selection of meals on her last visit, eventually begrudgingly chose sausages. Half way through cooking, she decided she didn't like the ones I was cooking and I had to put in the ones she 'happened' to have brought with her . Just on bread, as everything else we had wasn't suitable (including 'wrong brand' beans). When my partner pointed out how rude she had been, she said 'but I'm family and you should make compromises for me when I visit '. No, we should not - it's taking enough effort to break the fussy food habits she's passed to her son, without our kids seeing such ridiculous, rude behaviour. Get a grip and be grateful for their hospitality!

All this 'I don't have time for 'fussy' adults pisses me off. You should be able to eat what you like without people judging you

You can indeed do this - in your own home. There are also ways of choosing what you eat when you're being hosted by others that try and limit the effect on them. I'm a vegetarian so do this, and you should always tell them as far ahead as possible, offer to bring something for you so they don't have to make something special, and make it very clear that you are more than willing to just eat the bit of the meal you will eat rather than demanding something different be made. Even with these, you should remain mindful that you are still requiring extra work and thus a favour - I find a genuine thank you goes a long way.

I also personally think as an adult you get one 'thing' unless you have multiple allergies or other health reasons. I'm vegetarian, that's my 'thing' so I will eat any vegetarian meal someone else gives me (that I'm not paying for) regardless of whether I like all its ingredients. It drives me mad when I hear other people saying 'I'm a vegetarian but I also hate mushrooms and tofu' - you're not at a restaurant, you've already asked for more effort for you than the other guests, one meal you dislike won't hurt you!

My Ds is extremely fussy. I still think Yabu.

At what point should they lay down the rules to your kids? 2 hours in? After they have broke something?

It's their house, their rules. Being clear from the offset is better than waiting.

I don't want to go to the park. I have to sometimes, as I have kids and they love it. Given the choice, I wouldn't go. It doesn't make me a crap parent or them crap grandparents.

The whole fuss about the food is quite ridiculous. Yes you are an adult an can make your own decisions. Unless you have them a list of all the things you don't eat Yabu.

I can imagine if they came to yours and turned their noses up at whatever you made, you would be annoyed too.

Whatever about the kids being fussy, you are a grown up! Surely you could have just had the roast and veg with a tiny bit of lamb or no lamb. And as for making a fuss over Cheerios, I'd say they can't wait til you leave!

Oh there's plenty I can eat. I have a few serious allergies. I don't go stay with anyone without telling them

And you don't eat Indian food......what an entire cuisine from a huge country.

Not even Naan bread, or a bit of chicken?

You sound like the worst kind of guest.

I'd be interested in MIL's POV as well, Rhubarb.

I doubt the OP realises how difficult it is to cope with very fussy eaters as she will be so used to submitting off about three items of food herself.

The rule in my house is you have to try it 3 times before you can say you don't eat something it. Not liking food is different to not being able to eat it.

I don't really eat sausages because I know what goes into them. Especially store bought ones. Gross!

There is a law in Zen buddhism I think (one of the branches anyway, my memory fails me), that says when someone offers you something it is wrong to refuse (I remember this whenever I feel guilty about eating meat:)). I'd add if someone goes to that much trouble, at least make the effort. I think your children at their ages should be made aware that it is rude to refuse food that someone else has made and that they should try it and politely refuse seconds.

I don't really have time for fussy food eaters who do not make me aware of their issues beforehand. I would ask if I was doing the inviting (don't your inlaws know you well?) but I would also make someone aware if I was invited somewhere.

PS: It's okay to find reasons to dislike your MIL she could have held her tongue and just thought mean-spirited things about you.

Oh don't start the 'I thought we were support each other'! People don't blindly support other just because they are mothers. You're trying to act the victim and it's a bit daft tbh. Your attitude to your in-laws is bad, you've been called on it. Perhaps focus on fixing that rather than the fact you didn't get the responses you wanted.