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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's never going to like her and that's okay?

190 replies

Elizawh · 10/08/2016 16:15

I really don't think IABU but am prepared to hear I am if that's the case.

Ds1s girlfriend doesn't like DS2s girlfriend at all, to the point where she can not stand being around her. I know this is because of DS2s girlfriend attitude towards her and a real personality clash. This has never been an issue as they both are polite to each other and never cause any problems. Now to the reason for posting...

I made plans with DD and DS1 and his girlfriend for tomorrow completely forgetting its DS2s girlfriends birthday Friday and I promised him we would do something with her as we we won't be going for the birthday meal on Friday. Can not stand her family. Originally we, that being me, DD and DS1 and Gf, was having a nice day out then going for a meal at their favourite restaurant but DS2s girlfriend is a fussy eater and won't enjoy our chosen restaurant. I said to DS1 and girlfriend today that we'll still go out together tomorrow but have to change our restaurant choice to something where DP and DS2 and his girlfriend can join. That was fine with them but DS1s gf said could she be dropped home before the meal.

That's totally fine by me, I can understand why she wouldn't want to attend seeing as she doesn't like DS2s girlfriend but when I told DP he got really angry. He has said its rude and disrespectful, she had plans with us she can't just change, she wanted to be part of our family then she has to do some things she doesnt like blah blah blah. I tried explaining to him that she doesn't like her and she has good reasons not to, we can't force her into going as she will not enjoy herself and will be uncomfortable. He's now saying if she can't find a way to like her she won't be welcome to stay over anymore and certainly if she doesn't attend the birthday meal she won't be welcome over for a long time.

DS1s girlfriend over heard and said she will come if she has too but she'd rather not and DD said they will sit together so she doesn't feel so bad being there. But I don't think she has too.

So AIBU to think that it's absolutely fine for her to dislike someone and not have to attend their birthday celebration? DP is the one being unreasonable isn't he?

OP posts:
Original poster
Elizawh · 11/08/2016 22:42

That isn't true at all though. I do really like DS2s girlfriend.

OP posts:
Clairewev · 11/08/2016 22:52

So it's ok for u and DP not to go to ds2s gfs actual birthday meal because u can't stand her parents but it's not ok for ds1s gf to do the same thing??? Ur DP ibu! Talk about double standards!

BapsOfSteel · 11/08/2016 23:08

You're getting really weird responses op.

If you and your partner don't want to deal with ds2's girlfriend's family it's a bit rich him having a go at this girl (who was the only one not invited to her party)

him bullying a teenage girl is just a but shot really. I think the younger one is behaving like a spoiled brat and it wasn't fair that you and your partner changed the plans without asking her.

Honeybadger83 · 11/08/2016 23:09

Being an adult sometimes means discretely removing yourself from awkward situations for the common good. This young lady is trying to do the responsible thing (not creating drama, just bowing out gracefully) and your DP is being a numpty for insisting she goes and spends time with a person she is only slightly connected with, and who openly dislikes her. If it was your family having a birthday celebration, then fair enough; they're both involved. But it's so far removed that he really is being a prat to insist it's a family duty.

BapsOfSteel · 11/08/2016 23:18

Also the only drama I can see is on this thread ConfusedHmmop is just asking if her partner was in the wrong for tantrumming (he was, btw)

Op am I right that your partner has only been on the scene for 6 years? It's not really up to him to tell you who is and isn't welcome in your family. I

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 11/08/2016 23:25

Why shouldn't you prefer one if she's nicer!! I have no idea why you haven't hidden this thread op.

HitsAndMrs · 11/08/2016 23:46

Good grief, people need to relax and leave OP alone. I've been with my DH since I was 18, I've always been close to his parents, we do things together all the time. How is it weird that children want to spend time with parents?! I'm 30 and spend time with mine every weekend.
Your DH ibu, OP but your thread has got completely detailed now. You sound lovely.

Snoozer11 · 12/08/2016 02:40

You don't sound like a nightmare and some of the comments on here are awful.

Sounds like your DP is just sick of the drama and was hoping that the older of the two girls GF1 could show some maturity and make an effort with GF2 on this occasion and begin to put a stop to it all.

From what you've said GF2 sounds fairly immature.

The comments accusing your DP of being controlling are quite frankly obscene.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/08/2016 07:45

So you forgot it was ds2 gf birthday

Arranged a day out with ds1 gf and dd

Then changed the plans to include g2 which meant a different bland restaurant

Not surprised gf1 said no

You should have done a day with ds1 and gf

And a day when ds2 and gf

CasanovaFrankenstein · 12/08/2016 14:52

Today's post has been brought to you by the phrase 'over invested'.

So you're close, so what? Enjoy spending time with your children. It's a shame the girlfriends are creating so much friction.

Not sure why your other half has tried to force this so much, if they don't get on you can't make them.

I never really engaged with boyfriends' parents at all so I can't relate to that personally, but my cousin's gfs were always a fixture in their house do I understand it's different for different families.

Did you say - somewhere - that DS2 is 'not allowed' to do things by his girlfriend? That would bother me I think.

hazeimcgee · 12/08/2016 20:04

Yeah, think OP said he wasn't allowed to go out for the day wheb she was on holiday. That's what needs sorting, not the girls relationship

Tryingtobegood10 · 12/08/2016 20:49

No I don't think she needs to go at all! As someone has already said if they were all married then it would be different and they definitely should suck it up for the sake of the family but as teenagers naaaaaa there is no need to cause more animosity! And I think it's very nice that you get on well enough with them to do things for birthdays x

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 16/08/2016 11:39

If I was a teenager still I would be gob smacked that parents got this involved and I would definitely not want to go out for a meal with a boyfriend's parents, sounds awful. You and your DP sound like teens.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 16/08/2016 11:40

I mean this involved with their drama. The fact your posting on here about gf1 thinks and gf2 thinks that sounds childish.

Assquatch · 17/09/2016 23:06

I've come back to say

They may like each other one day

Just leave them to sort it themselves Grin

My story has an amazing ending and I never thought it would happen

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