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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to call my MIL mum?

176 replies

WhatamessIgotinto · 10/08/2016 09:28

DH and I have been together 15 years and married for 13. I have always called his mum by her Christian name, never expected to call her anything else to be honest.

Now all of a sudden she has decided she wants me to call her mum because her friends DIL does. I don't want to a) because it would be weird after all this time and b) she's not my mum.

I have always had a pretty good (if sometimes tricky in the past) relationship with her which I really do make an effort with and we rub along quite nicely now. Or so I thought. Now she's refusing to speak to me unless I agree to call her mum. DH has told her not to be daft but she's insistent that since my SIL has agreed then I should too.

I'm 50. I do not want to call this woman mum and think the whole thing is ridiculous.

OP posts:
OreosAreTasty · 10/08/2016 09:28

YANBU

Diamogs · 10/08/2016 09:30

YANBU at all. She is not your Mum, she is being ridiculous

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/08/2016 09:31

Weird. Stand your ground.

I think she's trying to say (poorly) that she wishes you all had a closer relationship though - that's usually what this sort of thing is symptomatic of.

PurpleDaisies · 10/08/2016 09:31

Just say you don't feel comfortable with that and hopefully she'll accept it. You're not being unreasonable at all.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 10/08/2016 09:31

Why would you call her Mum when she's acting like a child?

BuzzzyBeee · 10/08/2016 09:31

Let her sulk. Don't call her Mum. How weird.

CallarMorvern · 10/08/2016 09:31

Urgh no. YANBU. I would hate to call my mil Mum, we get on OK, but my lovely Mum is my Mum.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/08/2016 09:32

Is is ridiculous.

Don't give in to her foot stamping nonsense of her refusing to speak to you until you toe the line.

Original poster
WhatamessIgotinto · 10/08/2016 09:32

Oh and SIL has been married to BIL for 10 years so I have no idea why she has agreed but that's up to her I suppose. Not sure what her own mum will think though.

OP posts:
Queenbean · 10/08/2016 09:32

Call her Mummy instead in a creepy voice and sort of weird eyebrow raise every time you do

That'll get her wishing you called her by her first name again

Ilovetea82 · 10/08/2016 09:32

Yanbu
She sounds like a fruitloop

x2boys · 10/08/2016 09:33

I think its quite an old fashioned thing to do my mum called her mil and fil mum and dad as dad my dad but my mum and dad are now in their 70,s my mil died before i married dh and we dont see his dad and dh calls my parents by their names it would be especially odd calling her mum after so long.

PurpleDaisies · 10/08/2016 09:33

Sorry, I missed she's refusing to speak to you.

I'd write her a letter saying you think you having to call her mum would actually make your relationship worse because you'd feel so uncomfortable doing it. Explain you're not trying to offend her but there's no way you're doing it, and while you're willing to forgive her antics with the refusing to speak to you you're not compromising on calling her mum. How odd.

Original poster
WhatamessIgotinto · 10/08/2016 09:34

Just say you don't feel comfortable with that and hopefully she'll accept it.

I tried this initially but not good enough for her. I'm at a loss at what else to say really.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/08/2016 09:35

Enjoy the peace and quiet until she sees what an idiot she's making of herself.

Excited101 · 10/08/2016 09:36

You've explained it, she doesn't have to accept it, she can't make you do it.

Lweji · 10/08/2016 09:36

Or keep calling her Mother in Law. All the time.
Or like in school: DH name's mum.

What does she call you?

And, importantly, will you be in her will?

natwebb79 · 10/08/2016 09:36

What does your husband think of it all? Surely he should be the one to tell her what's what?

MiddleClassProblem · 10/08/2016 09:37

Call her mother in haughty tones

TheInternetIsForPorn · 10/08/2016 09:38

I think you're left with no option but to just say, categorically, that you'll not be calling her mum, she's not your mum, and she needs to cope with that. Then just carry on.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 10/08/2016 09:38

I wouldn't want to do this either. MIL is lovely but she's not my mother.

CathFromCooberPedy · 10/08/2016 09:38

Sorry but this is ridiculous and let have to see how it turns out!

HouseworkIsASin10 · 10/08/2016 09:38

Just ignore, it's a ridiculous request. Any consequences are down to her stupidity.

Planty18 · 10/08/2016 09:38

That is awful, what an over reaction from her. Just repeat that you won't be calling her mum as you're not comfortable with it - explain that you're 50 years old and she isn't your mum so it would be very strange to change the habits of such a long relationship and you could just say that unfortunately if she won't speak to you because of this small issue then it is a shame but she needs to take responsibility for the loss of your relationship. Staying plainly that this won't be resolved to her liking may make her think a little. I hope she sees sense. I would never call my mil mum it would be so weird!!

Lweji · 10/08/2016 09:38

How is she refusing to speak to you? Does she turn away if you meet? Is she refusing to meet you?
Do you go to her home?