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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'You look well!' FAT FROM PRAWN COCKTAILS

203 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 09/08/2016 14:55

Went to a family wedding at the weekend. Sat opposite my lovely elderly grandparents who I hadn't seen for about ten months. When I first saw them before the ceremony my grandad bellows 'You're looking VERY WELL!! We hardly RECOGNISED you!!'

We had prawn cocktail for the starter. I love prawn cocktail. I joked that I probably could eat it for every meal (I DO NOT) .

I got a little letter from my Grandma today who has written exactly this:

'I see your love of prawn cocktails has caused you to put on a fair bit of weight! We were surprised to see you looking so bonny!'

I bloody well tried to lose a bit of weight before that feckin wedding aswell.

For the record, I am now a 10-12 where I used to be a 6-8 through starving myself I am small boned so possibly don't carry it that well but I'm not particularly short, 5"5. A combination of health issues and getting mightily pissed off with denying myself carbohydrates day after day as put it on. I seriously used to eat hardly anything.

AIBU to think I'm NOT fat, and even if I was, it's not very polite to say I've stuffed my face with prawn bloody cocktails!

sorry. I just needed to rant. She probably thinks I'm eating prawn cocktails for breakfast, lunch and dinner Grin

shuffles off to make prawn cocktail

OP posts:
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augustusglupe · 13/08/2016 19:03

I was always a 'strapping' girl. I knew my dad wanted me to be small and girly and I was a tall, healthily built, tomboy!!
Once, after a particularly nasty bout of gastroenteritis which had me off school for a week, i had a little strength to getup and have a wander round the garden....Dad..' You look bloody fantastic Augustus, how much weight have you lost?' Confused can Grin now

Ninja12345 · 13/08/2016 19:11

I'd be well pissed off too. Do let us know what you decide to say/ do when you contact them next.

If it makes you feel any better, my DH's grandma tried to give me support pants...six weeks after giving birth via ecs. I refused as gratefully as I could managed. she offered the bloody pants again saying I needed to use them. I had to refuse them FOUR times. This was in front of my DH's whole family. I can laugh now but bloody hell.

Doggity · 13/08/2016 22:42

I found you a lovely outfit for the next family event.

'You look well!' FAT FROM PRAWN COCKTAILS
Doggity · 13/08/2016 22:43

Oh man, just scrolled up and someone beat me to it. Fucking witty MNers. 😡😡😡

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 13/08/2016 23:02

That's a yummy wedding menu!

Please, please send a note back saying you spent the tenner on prawn cocktail Grin

If it makes you feel any better, DH's grandmother is exactly like this. Criticism and tenners. Just criticism and tenners, every time we see her.

GingerbreadGingerbread · 13/08/2016 23:14

Haha I had a very similar thing with my grandparents who I love dearly! I used to be a size 6 as I starved myself then when I got over that I became a 10-12. I got a few great comments:

"Have you out on weight or are you just wearing puffy clothes?"

Me: "I'm hungry."
Them: "you don't look hungry!"

It didn't offend me they just say what they see. Weight gain wasn't such an offensive thing back then when food was rationed!

havingablondemoment · 13/08/2016 23:15

I get people telling me all the time that I 'look well' and am always sure it's because I've put weight on again (Oprah has nothing on me when it comes to yo-yoing).
Also, coming from a family with, as my ex SL put it 'a pig gene', my family do have a tendency to see those that are very slim as being too thin. My nephew has a beautiful gf who is very petite and was always being described as "very thin though" and "of course she doesn't eat there's nothing to her" until I pointed out that she is a) a teenager, b) a dancer who has curves where you want them and c) basically just isn't a fattie like the rest of us!

As one of said fatties a size 10-12 is the dream, and personally I would say a 6-8 for an adult of your height to most of us chub or otherwise would look scrawny and unhealthy.

So, I agree with lots of you that perhaps it was a clumsy compliment from people who think seeing you with a little more weight is more healthy...and bonny in this context is pretty in a more robust way.

bertiesgal · 13/08/2016 23:53

My mum said to me the other day "you really are starting to lose the baby weight darling" (I had twins a year ago).

I thanked her and said "I do feel slimmer but it's not happening very quickly" to which she replied "oh darling you really have no idea how fat you were, absolutely massive, it was all we could talk about".

Thanks Ma!? Love her regardless, she's great fun but my god it's a miracle I gave any self esteem at all Confused

RegentsParkWolf · 14/08/2016 00:08

My MIL once greeted my DH's overweight cousin at a funeral with the words 'My, haven't you blown up'. She was a nightmare for commenting on people's looks. The thing is though, she was the nicest woman in the world and I think it really didn't matter to her how anyone looked so she never thought it might be hurtful. DH used to have to remind her before family events to think before she spoke.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 14/08/2016 00:09

Doggity that outfit deserves to be on the thread more than once Grin it's fab!

I will probably mention something about it in my return letter to her. I don't want to offend her by letting her know she's upset me but id rather not have my physique referred to as its all a bit personal! It's been hard to adjust to looking so healthy after years of being waif-like!

I still have the tenner. I may make a prawn cocktail tomorrow Smile

OP posts:
Dontyouopenthattrapdoor · 14/08/2016 00:12

Ten past midnight, the nearest 24 hour supermarket is about 30 miles away AND I FUCKING WANT A BASTARDING PRAWN COCKTAIL NOW.

Thanks OP.

#sheaintscottish...shesfromcroydon

BeJayKayven · 14/08/2016 00:15

Bonny is a compliment here in Scotland though she has been tactless.

I remember at a large family do my uncle commenting loudly " oh hide the cakes here comes BJ" I was 19 and a size 14 so not massive but that haunted me for years.

largerleon · 14/08/2016 01:23

Grin at some of the comments on here.

I was best (wo)man for my brother last year when he got married, it was a lovely family occasion as expected. I was a size 16 but at 5'10" I thought I could carry it off. I have since lost about 2 stone, both intentionally and unintentionally, which my DM happened to mention to my auntie in passing while telling her my new address.

Cue auntie "well m'dear, she had it to lose didn't she?" Shock
Yeah thanks. And thanks DM for telling me she'd said it.

idrinkandiknowthings · 14/08/2016 01:47

Hatters at a 10/12 you are nowhere even approaching fat!

I think the comments are an age thing. My dad (gone 18 months ago and sorely missed), once remarked to me, "You are quite attractive [my name] you're just a bit bulbous".

Bless him. I'm considerably more bulbous these days!

FashionablyLate · 14/08/2016 01:53

Haha that is a bizarre note! I would try not to take it personally though - older people often have different ideas of compliments. My grandmother regularly tells me I am filling out nicely. I think she genuinely means it as compliment, as I am eating well and not starved on wartime rations??Hmm they possibly thought you were too skinny before - grandmothers love feeding people up (hence the £10 to buy more prawn cocktail)!

HedgehogHedgehog · 14/08/2016 02:15

Working class grandparents love it when you get a bit fat because its a sign you are doing well. Honestly my gran used to just bang on constantly about how thin me and my mother were and try and spike us with cream and eggs to fatten us up. Thin means nothing to them except poverty and sadness. Whoever wrote this probably genuinely meant it as a compliment and it probably never entered their head that youd be insulted! x

HedgehogHedgehog · 14/08/2016 02:17

also id just like to clarify that by 'a bit fat' i meant only in terms of what you were before. A size 10/12 is not fat in any way but i can see why theyd notice youd put on weight if you had previously been a size 6. But as i said they probably assumed that youd be pleased youve put on weight! x

MetalMidget · 14/08/2016 02:25

My mom is obsessed with other people's weight - she asked me how much I was weighing three days after giving birth, whilst we were still in hospital as our baby needed phototherapy. When I saw her a week later, she said, 'you've still got the baby bump'...

Doinmummy · 14/08/2016 02:34

Old people do seem obsessed by weight. A patient called me 'robust' the other day- I'm 5ft8 and a size 8 !

MiaowJario · 14/08/2016 03:20

My colleague took his girlfriend to visit family one weekend.

He was mortified. Grandma had greeted girlfriend with "Oh, you've put on weight".

He sat at his desk with his head in his hands on Monday morning saying "Not even 'You're looking well.' "

So I made him a cup of tea.

user1469639526 · 14/08/2016 17:04

Smile hilarious sorry

user1469639526 · 14/08/2016 17:06

Loving this siteCake

rubydij4453 · 15/08/2016 06:49

I agree with LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett. Do the photoshop (giant prawns, Marie Rose sauce covering your unmentionables, etc) and send it with a note saying you're having a very successful new career as a prawn star......

KC225 · 15/08/2016 07:34

about 20 years ago before a night out with gay best friend and his partner, he said he needed to pop in to his mums to collect a parcel but we (his partner, my friend a size 16-18 and me) should pop in to say hello to his 85 year old grandmother who was visiting at the time.

All sat at the table having a coffee and the Grandmother asks I have a boyfriend. I replied yes. She asks my friend who replies 'not at the moment'. Grandmother says 'well you won't get one staying that fat.' Our friend was stunned. Daughter and Son told her she was being rude. Then the Grandmother piped up 'She's a pretty girl, I'm just saying if she lost some weight she wouldn't have to rely on poofs to take her out'

I swear there was a frozen silent moment that felt like an eternity until gay best friend burst out laughing. Not so sure my friend saw the funny side.

mrsvilliers · 15/08/2016 07:48

OP - hilarious and great start to the day. Also gave me a lovely flashback to a conversation at Christmas years ago between my (deaf) great aunt and granny who were sitting at a different table in a different room 'MrsVilliers has slimmed down hasn't she, she was very FAT for a while'. Dsis and I just looked at each other despairingly.

If you have a good relationship with them I would just leave it. They're of that generation and age that I think anything you say would just go over their head.

DM (child of the 60's) has taken to calling anyone over a size 12 'completely obese'. In our 20's if she thought we were looking nice and thin she'd offer to buy us clothes she still does She sounds pretty awful but in actual fact is lovely, I think it's just the way some people are. IMHO I think your grandparents sound pleased you've put on weight!