'You look well!' FAT FROM PRAWN COCKTAILS

[MadHattersWineParty]

Went to a family wedding at the weekend. Sat opposite my lovely elderly grandparents who I hadn't seen for about ten months. When I first saw them before the ceremony my grandad bellows 'You're looking VERY WELL!! We hardly RECOGNISED you!!'

We had prawn cocktail for the starter. I love prawn cocktail. I joked that I probably could eat it for every meal (I DO NOT) .

I got a little letter from my Grandma today who has written exactly this:

'I see your love of prawn cocktails has caused you to put on a fair bit of weight! We were surprised to see you looking so bonny!'

I bloody well tried to lose a bit of weight before that feckin wedding aswell.

For the record, I am now a 10-12 where I used to be a 6-8 through starving myself I am small boned so possibly don't carry it that well but I'm not particularly short, 5"5. A combination of health issues and getting mightily pissed off with denying myself carbohydrates day after day as put it on. I seriously used to eat hardly anything.

AIBU to think I'm NOT fat, and even if I was, it's not very polite to say I've stuffed my face with prawn bloody cocktails!

sorry. I just needed to rant. She probably thinks I'm eating prawn cocktails for breakfast, lunch and dinner

shuffles off to make prawn cocktail

That's like being amazed that an astronaut has red hair.

Oh god, this has made me laugh and also given me hideous flashbacks to meeting my DH's grandma, also given to thinly veiled insults and calling a spade a bloody shovel in a way that made it impossible to complain.

Ooh, look Rinky how fat that poor girl over there is. Of course you can get away with it with you being pretty and clever as well. He's ever so lucky to have you, and of course he's not a shallow boy, not my X, looks fade don't they, although of course you stay looking younger for longer with a bit of meat on your bones, you'll be grand.

She was shocked by how emaciated he looked and commented on how much weight he had lost, to which he cheerfully replied, "well, my love, we can't all be as fat as you!"

Well, to be fair it was fairly rude to comment on his weight loss given he couldn't help it. His response was pretty much deserved I think!

Well I used to look all delicate and bony and sort of I dunno, etheral.

This, coupled with the fact that you say you were that size through "starving yourself" convinces me that your grandmother meant you look far better now and used to be too thin.

If your grandparents ever come to your house for dinner, may I suggest this menu?

STARTER:
Prawn cocktail served with crusty bread

MAIN:
Spanish seafood Paella, served with extra prawns

DESSERT:
Vanilla ice cream with prawn upside down cake

To drink I suggest a very thinned down Marie-Rose sauce and for after dinner nibbles skips and prawn cocktail crisps.

Hahaha Revolting. Hilarious but also...

My Nan told me - at 31 weeks pregnant - that I'd better watch what ate as I was getting a bit portly.

A bouquet of prawns to you, OP.

grandmothers, eh. I originally typed 'grinmothers', which seemed appropriate.

Those prawns are coming out of my freezer now, aren't they?

Microsoft doesn't seem to have any crustaceans in its extensive array of food icons, so just pretend this is a prawn cocktail 🍧

I couldn't stop laughing after I read this. Thank you so much, OP, it made my entire day.

Also, agree with whoever said I wish I was fat like you're fat!

Some of these are mind fumblingly hilarious.

Especially:

'I can't believe it! A granddaughter of mine going to Oxford! And you used to be so fat as well, didn't you?'

I'd blow the tenner on chocolate. I've just had a similar conversation with my dm.

Me: The food was great at the hotel, so much choice
DM: Yes, I can see you made the most of those choices, the weight has piled on your face. I think you must have put on at least a stone this week.

Sadly she didn't give me a tenner...

Ah this reminds me of my Dad and his helpful comments....
When I was 16 and going on a night out in town for the first time he looked me up and down as I came down the stairs and said "I think you need to put some more makeup on"

Well, to be fair it was fairly rude to comment on his weight loss given he couldn't help it. His response was pretty much deserved I think!

So it's totally outrageous to ask someone if they're eating because they look very thin, when said person is elderly, ill and lives alone?

Thank you OP - I've had a horrible day and this thread has bought me a well needed giggle. Mainly at the usage of 'bonny' by your non-Scottish grandparents

Reminds me of my DGM, who when well into her 90s was sharp as a tack, but no filter. I visited her one weekend when I hadn't seen her for months and she said "ooh you're not so pretty now, you look just like your sister" . Insulted both of us with one comment. Fab!

Buy yourself some nice prawns with the tenner

Ignore them. You're not fat. Crack on with the prawn cocktails!

It's certainly just as rude to comment on how much weight has been lost as you said in your original post. Making concerned enquiries as to how they are managing to eat is something else entirely and not at all what you implied.

I have an auntie like this. When I was naturally a size 8 for years she treated me like an anorexic, always commenting I needed to put weight on. Then as a 12 I needed to lose weight. Now I am a generous 14 she has finally shut up.

The worst thing my grandmother ever said to me, joining in, was what she said when I came home for a bit before my finals at Cambridge. I was beside myself with nerves/exhaustion/strain and we were talking about my 16-yo cousin, who had aspirations to go to Cambridge but hadn't even done his GCSEs at this point: "Well, it's more impressive for men, isn't it?" she says. I nearly throttled her at the time but laughed about it afterwards.

Send Thora's* letter with this...

Stranglers hands!?

This thread is awesome.

The most effective diet I ever did advocated prawn cocktail for breakfast. That makes it a superfood, doesn't it?

bulk bought prawns at Costco earlier

You know what to wear to the next family wedding OP. Might be a bit difficult to get to the toilet though.

I love that RP. Wonderful shoe horning.

Waves to RP