'You look well!' FAT FROM PRAWN COCKTAILS

[MadHattersWineParty]

Went to a family wedding at the weekend. Sat opposite my lovely elderly grandparents who I hadn't seen for about ten months. When I first saw them before the ceremony my grandad bellows 'You're looking VERY WELL!! We hardly RECOGNISED you!!'

We had prawn cocktail for the starter. I love prawn cocktail. I joked that I probably could eat it for every meal (I DO NOT) .

I got a little letter from my Grandma today who has written exactly this:

'I see your love of prawn cocktails has caused you to put on a fair bit of weight! We were surprised to see you looking so bonny!'

I bloody well tried to lose a bit of weight before that feckin wedding aswell.

For the record, I am now a 10-12 where I used to be a 6-8 through starving myself I am small boned so possibly don't carry it that well but I'm not particularly short, 5"5. A combination of health issues and getting mightily pissed off with denying myself carbohydrates day after day as put it on. I seriously used to eat hardly anything.

AIBU to think I'm NOT fat, and even if I was, it's not very polite to say I've stuffed my face with prawn bloody cocktails!

sorry. I just needed to rant. She probably thinks I'm eating prawn cocktails for breakfast, lunch and dinner

shuffles off to make prawn cocktail

Aw Bunty that outfit reminds me of the Emma Thompson's brilliance in Love Actually... 'There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?'

As a Southerner I interpret the rare Southern use of the term Bonny as a passive aggressive 'you're fat', which if anybody calls you on it you then deny as everybody knows the Scottish term Bonny is a compliment.
My GM would brag about how rude she could be, so didn't bother dressing it up. We walked into her house after the long drive, Dad (her son) was still at the car, the first thing she said was 'In't she fat, spotty an' all' whilst pointing at my sister who was struggling very badly with early teenage hormones. We went NC for a while after that. Fast forward a few years, she comes to visit, first thing she says to me after giving me chocolate 'You've got fat'.
MIL is obsessed with anybody who is any way near a healthy weight being too thin, must be ill! This must be true because she was a HCP before the last tribunal . She even tried to tell me when DS1 was a toddler that he was under weight. MIL and all her blood relatives are hugely overweight.
GM did horrible as a hobby, MIL wants to normalise her entire family generation after generation being so incredibly fat by calling others names. It's just being rude, you don't get to be rude just because you reach a certain age.
Ignore or take the piss (love some of the suggestions) just don't call them on it or the poor old us, Mad is being soooooo silly misunderstanding us card.

YNBU OP! It did make me chuckle a bit though. I think that's mainly because I went out with my 80yo Gran earlier this year, and she made a point of saying I'd put some a lot of weight on . On the same day out, she then proceeded to buy me a lemon cake at Waitrose cafe, then when driving around the village, we nipped into another cafe and she bought me a blueberry cheesecake for tea 😂

Definitely still rude to go to the effort of writing you a note to tell you though but try not to take it personally, I'd also have another three prawn cocktails with the tenner

I have not bought prawns. I've bought a bottle of gin.

She is funny but it has made me a bit cross. When I was thin I got nagged to bloody eat and when I finally enjoy food she can't help but comment on that either! IN A SPECIALLY WRITTEN NOTE. Which, by the way, was sent First Class. She never sends anything First Class. So she was clearly in a rush to tell me if packed on the prawns pounds!

There I was at the wedding in a lovely frock, enjoying my food instead of pushing it round the plate or offloading it onto someone else's like I used to, and not only does it warrant comment, it needs A BLOODY LETTER.

If you were 6- 8 at 5'5 and now a 10-12 then I'd say bonny was a lovely compliment. They were pleased to see you looking well and happy. As they said in the old days ' don't take on so, duck' Let that go. Enjoy prawn cocktails (lots) with a nice slice of Hovis.

The express letter prob means she thinks she might have upset you and the tenner to make amends. God love the oldies. Enjoy the gin.

YANBU, I would have been upset by that. I recently saw an old family friend who I had not seen for about five years. My Sister was joking about how much I eat (and she said I wasn't very big), family friend piped up, she looks a bit heavier than last time I saw here. Like you I am 5ft5 and small boned, currently size 10-12 rather than 8-10, not fair cause every pound shows. Cannot believe how rude the older generation can be.

Don't keep all the prawns you buy to yourself.

That would be shellfish.

Lol this has reminded me of a conversation with my late Grandpa, who once didn't recognise me... He was 94 or so and bellowed "well it's because you're so fat, you look different", I was exactly the same size as I'd been for 15 years or so, but admired his attempt to cover up his momentary memory lapse!

I haven't RTWT but wanted to say that I had a similar experience to you OP and it is really hard when you are coming to terms with a new body shape and aren't hugely happy with yourself and people say things like that...

Like you I was very slim, periods stopped, I thought I looked fat and carried on eating only veg and air for months - when I started to get well again and put weight on people said things to me like your GPs said to you and it was usually because they were relieved that I was no longer starving myself away to nothing...

When people asked me if I was ill because I had lost so much weight I was never offended - I was pleased that they noticed how slim I was...

I am sure you look great now. And well done you for eating carbs - life is too short to eat nothing but lettuce.

Incidentally, YANBU to be upset about it - My MIL asked why I hadn't lost my baby weight when my baby was 10 days old and it was all I could do not to punch her right there and then.

Ah this really made me laugh. I think they meant it as a complement OP.

Reminded me of my Nanny, she used to come out with all sorts about my size 14/16 figure. Favourites were:

You've got calves like I had - tree trunks!

Your tummy looks bigger this week....3 days after gynae surgery which left me feeling like a bloated whale.

I love your wrap dress, so pretty... But don't pull it too tight or it highlights your tummy and makes you look 6 months gone!

Ah, I miss her every day, I really do and I know she loved the bones off me and my fat arse!

My grandad gave me a recipe book a couple of Christmases ago and inside he'd written:

"Mind out that [insert husband's name here] doesn't get too tubby on all these pies. And look out for yourself too love.

Happy Christmas and God bless"

Some folk are just rude.
Can you front it up, call them and say 'your letter upset me '

What would she say

Vote Pedro

Top thread.

Here's a suitable holiday destination for you OP, Ballina, a sunny, seaside Aussie town, with its very own Big Thing, and annual prawn festival:o

I once worked temporarily as a carer for a v upper-class elderly lady who lived in Central London. She was almost the posh old lady from Central Casting - think Edith Evans.
I got there in the mornings by various means - bus, lifts etc. One day she asked me how I'd got in that day - 'by tube' I answered. "Oh, do you fit in the seats?" she enquired with interest.
I'd thump most people who commented on my size but I genuinely believe she'd have been mortified to think she'd been offensive or hurtful. It was just the way she was. And I'm sure your Grandma, OP, is a similar character.

at the risk of being tactless myself here..Tactlessness can be a symptom of dementia. Google the symptoms and Talk to your other family members - have they noticed any changes of This sort or was she always like this?

Nah she's sharp as a tack is Grandma. And she's known for her tactless remarks. They're just not normally quite so close to the bone.

By now the entire hairdressers will know about her lardy granddaughter who's downfall is prawn cocktail.

I did laugh at don't be shellfish

My uncle once proclaimed loudly at a family do, in his booming welsh accent(which seem to give it more credence)'Good god, girl, you've put on some weight there!'
Yeah, thanks for that.
His wife said, in woeful tones, after I'd had my third daughter, 'oh no, love, not another girl!'

I popped in to see an elderly neighbour a few days ago, as I heard she'd had a fall. I said I was sorry I hadn't had time to go the previous week, but I'd had 3 hospital appointments (acupuncture, podiatry and pain clinic), plus a home visit to sort out bath aids for me. I'm lucky to be walking again, and I have ME.
She asked if the doctor had told me to go on a diet yet. I nearly decked her with the jar of home made jam I'd taken as a gift. She is funny and kind hearted, just rather outspoken!

GetTheVolvo I was contemplating going speed dating. I'd told my mum, as it seemed a bit out-there (was in the early days of speed dating, pre online dating).

She'd mentioned it to my dad who had been horrified. Apparently he was very concerned because "what if nobody picks her"

Thanks dad.

Double thanks to mum for relaying his concerns about his hideous daughter

Needless to say, I didn't end up going.

Still chuckling at She's not Scottish. She's from Croydon

There was a very long thread on MN recently about whether "bonny" was an insult meaning fat or a compliment. It was in the context of a teacher having called a child "bonny" and whether this was an insult or a compliment. It emerged that in some very specific geographical areas of the U.K. (I think possibly Sheffield?), it is universally negative and insulting, which came as a surprise to me, as a Scot. I don't recall what the consensus was on Croydon usage though!

Positive or negative, it was definitely agreed that it carried a connotation of someone having a bit of meat on their bones (think "bonny baby" competitions, which is possibly where your Grandma dig up the term from). My guess is that they are being nice and were genuinely happy to see that you had put on weight after being, in their opinion, unhealthily thin.

Congratulations on overcoming your eating issues and be happy how much they love you.

My Granny used to say I was a big girl. Once she said I was "well upholstered" !?
I'm 5'7" and once I went on a severe bout of Weight Watchers, getting down to a relatively healthy BMI. Apparently I looked terrible because I was scrawny - as my relatives didn't hesitate to tell me.... If I got down to an ideal BMI I'd look like a famine victim.

They do so love to tell you what they think you should look like. But we're not skinny teenagers any longer, perhaps it makes them feel old to have a real woman as a granddaughter!!