They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

Did you send any message to the group?

If I do nights out, I don't do rounds or kitty's. I rarely drink, so I don't drink much when I'm out, but others I know drink a lot more. I've ended up putting in £30 in a kitty altogether, but I only ended up having two drinks worth, which is about £5, from a cocktail pitcher. Before that I bought my own glass of wine. I also ended up paying for my taxi home too. If you don't drink much, you always end up losing money. It amazes me how some women can drink so much. It's best to buy your own. I don't know what use it would have been if the OP had bought another round, even if there was still a table full of drinks. I think it also encourages people to drink too much.

Agree with Itshouldhavebeenjess. Assuming you aren't just being paranoid, these girls are meant to be your pals and if they are going to give you the cold shoulder over one drunken night (which also isn't a crime btw) then you probably need to find yourself some decent friends who aren't so petty - and really there are a lot of harsh comments on here which will just make you feel more shit so don't read them! Seriously why do girls have to be so harsh to each other, you just wouldn't get this with a group of blokes going out on a night out. As long as this was a one off then don't lose sleep over it, just make sure you get the first round in on the next night and it will all be forgotten.

This is why I never do rounds. I dont want to be buying 6 people drinks as most times I dont even have that many. Which is why with my friends, everyone buys their own and if someone buys you one it doesn't mean you have to buy their next one.

The only person I do "rounds" with is my best friend and its only because we drink the same drinks at same speed and it saves time at the bar.

But taxi I think you should have paid for.

A kitty is always the best idea in a large group .

i dont do rounds myself i never drnk enough -my husband if out will buy others drinks dosnt really expect anythng back

u do sounnd like u dodged alot op so why not apologise instead of this theyre not talking to me bollocks

OP the longer you avoid apologising the more it's going to look (to them) that it was all on purpose.

Think of it like a bandaid.Do it quick!

Sorry if it's been covered but why OP did you bring a £25 bottle of vodka around to the house?? That's madness!

I don't know why you seem too embarrassed to send a text message but are willing to fork out £££ on a bbq that no one is expecting and might well not be able to attend?

Just send a text saying you've checked your balance and spent hardly anything - first round on you or can you transfer. That will sort out any bad feeling and is a lot less effort than a bbq.

Ps. Not a dig but you sound like you spent a lot to start off with! You sound very conscientious and I personally think you should say nothing. If anything learn from the night and move on. Time really is a healer. Miss a few nights out with these women. Next time do not take a bottle of grey goose/Smirnoff to their house. If you're skint say 'I haven't been paid yet.. I'll get my own drinks' .. This time next year you won't even think about this. X

You did avoid paying your way.

You drunk their southern comfort as pre-drinks. Not your own, the only person who benefits from you leaving the bottle is whoever house it is.

The taxi from the house was £20 for 7 of you. You paid £5. So £2 more than you should have.

Everyone else went to the bar and bought drinks for everyone. You went to the bar and got water for yourself, without getting others.

You then snagged a few chips of someone else's food on the way home, and didn't pay a contribution for the taxi.

You seriously need to apologise as said above.

And the thing is; you need to just accept responsibility. It's not a big deal but you're making it one!

You said it was too loud to ask what people were drinking, but presumably you spoke to each other at some point! And other people managed to figure out what drinks to buy.

Plus you went to the bar a few times so...

People saying 'oh it was a one off, they'll be fine etc etc'

If you didn't know someone very well (OP said she went out with friends of a friend) and they puleld this, would you really be inclined to get to know them? I wouldn't. So OP if you're cool with not being their friend, continue the radio silence.

I think it would be different if she just hadn't paid her round. The problem is it wasn't just there she pulled one over, is it? T

The Southern Comfort.
Forgot her purse
The rounds, which she drank then danced and despite being falling over drunk, she knew exactly how many round were done, plus she was able to get water three times. Whilst 'falling down.' '
Wasn't hungry' enough to buy her own food, but ate someone else's then fell asleep/passed out in the taxi.

If I got a abashed apology I'd be cool and move on SAP. if I got radio silence after a message saying how great the night was, I'd think she was a selfish cow, because I shouldn't know her well enough to know if it wa out of character. I'd just assume she was an entitled twat who's end up being moaned about on AIBU.

God, typos galore

Op, please just send a text saying 'next couple of rounds on me, I owe you all etc etc. sorry to have been a drinking lightweight and not pulling any weight.' Love you ta etc etc.

You'll feel better.

They will feel better.

Mumsnet will feel batter

True about the message about the great night, actually.

They're probably sitting there thinking 'cheeky mare'!

Did you really spend £25 on a bottle of vodka? 70cl of Smirnoff's is £14 in Tesco.

OP,
In my opinion you should of bought a round of drinks when you went to the bar to get water.
It's as simple as that.
It doesn't matter that you didn't know what everybody was drinking, the point was they were drinking and I'm sure they would of been grateful and appreciated whatever you bought.
The point is You did not go to the bar and buy anyone a drink.

The problem with rounds is you end up drinking more than you want to.

As for the Southern Comfort surely whoevers house it was provided that or had they all chipped in for a bottle?

I'm guessing people must be on very tight budgets if they're begrudging a few chips!!

Doesn't look like the OP is coming back though!

Tell them you have just looked at your credit card statement online and realise you didn't use it in the bar/club. Ask who you owe money to because you know you had drinks and then move on from it. It's not mortifying to send a simple message like that.

From the amount of drinks you had it sounds as though not everyone would have bought a round? Or at the most only 1 each so not major. But probably noticeable to the others.

It seems pretty clear the OP doesn't do apologies
Page one the point was made she should and we are now at page nine and she still won't. Still it's probably only one friendship damaged as the group was friends of a friend and I guess the OP isn't bothered about that friendship or any backlash her friend may get from her actions.

still think uneed to 'fess' up and text them all saying about owing them, and then mention BBQ as way of recompense?

sooner rather than later!

Imperial I love vodka, it's what I drink. I don't drink wine or anything else really.
Smirnoff is really bog standard, bottom shelf material!
I like a grey goose or chase, both of which retail for around £40 a bottle. There are so many choices cheaper and more expensive.
Why are you so surprised at OPs bottle costing £25?!

The fact whenever OP replies she ignores very good suggestions of how she could apologise, plus the confusing inconsistencies in her story suggest to me she had absolutely no intention of buying a round. Or paying for anything for that matter. The emphasis on the vodka is strange. Also, why vodka? It's such a love/hate drink.

My girlfriends and I never keep track of who pays/owes what on a night out :S. Do people really do this? If I think carefully about last night (I'm on holiday from work, no dcs yet, no judgey!) I'm probably out a bit as I'm not the hardest drinker in the group (nor the lightest) and am veggie so if we grab some food mine tends to cost less. But honestly I would never think of it as a debt anyone owes me!