They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

The problem here seems to be that these people are more friends of friends, is that right? They will have a lower tolerance. If you did that as a friend and you weren't usually like that then I wouldn't bat an eyelid but as more of an acquaintance then I'd be annoyed, nobody takes my after drinking chips

Nobody would have got away with that in my group of friends back in the days of nights out like this! At least two people would have said "it's your round!"

As others have said. Just post a message saying ' can someone let me know what I owe for my share of food/taxi/drinks....
Not quite sure how they'll work out who you owe it to though.

You've also probably got the dreaded hangover shame/paranoia which makes everything seem worse. I agree you need to message the group and ask who you owe money to. If nothing else, it will put your mind at rest!

I can see how it's hard to get around in if everyone else thinks "time to get more drinks"much quicker than yo do, when there are still drinks on the table.

You have paid less than them though, even only counting up til the point when you stopped drinking.

And you've potentially been a bit of drag, if they felt they had to look after you.

I think you probably paid your fair share with the bottle of alcohol but it was forgotten as they didn't think of it as part of the club outing. Also whoever's place it was left at will get the most use out of it.

Also as someone said the bottle of vodka will just go to one person.

Totally agree with the sending of a message to say about money owed, or even you could just say the first three (?!) rounds are on you next time. Easily done I think from your explanation although I would be surprised if it's this they're miffed about-in most friend groups someone would have said something on the night or certainly straight after. Are you sure you didn't commit any other drunken crimes??

This is why I refer to buy my own as I may alter what I drink cocktails ,cider etc and I prefer to drink at my own pace. I would just asked how much I owe as others have suggested.

You might feel that you've contributed with the vodka but if lots of the group had turned up to the pre-drinks with bottle of booze that didn't actually get opened, would they all expect to not have to pay when out?

Were you the only one hammered? And the taxi, chips etc on top of that.. I can see why there is ill will. Obviously you didn't mean to be tight!

I think Don't has the perfect solution:

I think you'll have to style it out- go back to the group and post "omg I'm so sorry, I just realised I was so hammered I didn't buy a round! Next time they're on me, sorry. Got a bit carried away not having the baby with me. Also who do I owe for the taxi? I'll transfer the money to your account if you can let me know. Sorry for being drunk and daft"

I'd add in next time first round is on you

Send a the message saying "thanks for taxi/chips what do I owe? Getting the first round next time etc"

Do you have form for this though?

I hate this British "rounds" tradition.

I have a friend who will happily drink all night and has never been known to buy a round. She is very well off too. By the time her turn cone around she will stay silent, go to loo, or declare she's had enough.

I no longer go out with her unless it's to a restaurant (and we can split the bill).

Poor op! Take the shame, apologise and offer some form of restitution, and do it asap.
A round of seven shots is expensive and I think they definitely would have noticed your lack of contribution. And it was ok to not put in for the kebabs if you weren't going to eat, but to then eat someone's chips...!

I don't drink much so I often end up buying a round with water for myself. I don't forget to buy my round though!

You need to make amends, most people would be cross about this. They heavily subsidised your night out, no wonder they are cross.

You would think the person whose house you left the vodka at would leap to your defence really. If I was in a group outing and this happened and when I got home I realised the 'culprit' had left an unopened bottle, I would be saying to the others 'tbf 'Freeloader' did leave a full bottle of decent vodka at mine' . But it depends what they brought to her house , if they were all drinking Southern Comfort and lemonade then I doubt each one brought a large bottle of SC more likely one between them. So in a way you did 'even the score.' The other possibility is that (and I've done this) that the bottle of vodka has been put away in the drinks cupboard or whatever maybe by someone else , the woman's DH or whatever and nobody knows who brought what or nobody really noticed you brought it. I agree you definitely should have bought drinks though it is very annoying , I have been out in a group with a couple who did this , always made sure they were the last round and then just at the point when it got to them, on the second time round they would decide they had to go home as DW had a headache or the babysitter had to be home a certain time blah blah, so they'd had the other three couples buy them two drinks each and they'd only bought them one each. We gave them benefirt of the doubt first time but when it happened again we stopped inviting them.

...sorry sounded like I was suggesting you planned to do this. I meant the couple we knew did this - as in : not stand their round.

When you went to the bar for water, you could have got drinks for the others. Haing water doesn't prevent you from buying a round!

If you're not good at getting rounds in, then you need to make sure you do it good and early in the evening to make sure you get yours in.

If they let you go out with them again, you need to get the first two rounds - one for last time, and then one for the evening ahead.

This is the kind of behaviour that gets less acceptable as you get older. When I was a student, I'd have seen it as funny (Rosamund was hammered! She stole my chips then fell asleep in the taxi! I don't think she bought a single drink in the club, either!).

Now I'm an old gimmer it would really annoy me. It smacks of the showy generous start, quiet miserly finish: you come in waving a bottle of supermarket booze, insist on paying a few pounds more than your share of the taxi... and then bugger all else. No rounds plus chip-stealing plus no taxi fare home = bollocks to that.

Next night out suggest doing a kitty then everyone is paying their share.

Rounds are such a pain - unless everyone has the same number of drinks as people in the group, people will end up profiting or losing out from the arrangement. I usually just pair up with someone who drinks at the same sort of pace as me and we'll just take turns between the two of us. So much easier.

You should have bought something though if people were buying for you. You don't need to buy for yourself in your own round if you'd rather stick to water.

I'd just message something along the lines of 'looking forward to the next night out, the first couple of rounds will be on me I think!' But don't sweat it too much. If they were drunk too they probably can't really remember who bought what anyway - just make up for it next time.

Sounds like you weren't as proactive as you should have been, but it's pretty unkind to assume that someone is avoiding rounds on the basis of one night.

Is this a group of good friends that you don't know very well?

This is why I don't go out

I think the British practice of buying 'rounds' contributes to a culture of panicky binge-drinking as everyone piles in to show how fun and generous they are, and those who drink fastest set the pace. According to this thread, someone who only wants maybe two drinks has to keep buying alcohol for the others even when she has switched to water. Bizarre.