They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

I really feel for you as I can sense the anxiety coming off you in waves! Alcohol doesn't help with anxiety either! Lol
Listen we've all been there but in my experience things get resolved quickly and amicably if your just upfront and honest! I think hosting a BBQ in their honour is a little OTT but I definitely would text and say sorry and that next time first couple of rounds are on you. You will feel much better, they will respect you and you can draw a line in the sand and stop beating yourself up!
Chin up and hugs xxx

I'm in a friendship group of students at uni, however I'm the only one who works full-time and didn't go to uni...
we buy in rounds if there's a few of us out, until about 1am then we end up buying our own! Only buy food if it's for yourself and split the taxi equally or a few pay for the way there and the others pay for way back etc. We have had times when it's been someone's birthday and one of us haven't been able to afford to go out so we all chip in and then tell the one who can't afford it to get us a bottle of spirit plus a bottle of mixer for predrinks next time and the first round is on them! It's only fair!!

Just be blunt and ask them what's with the silent treatment and you'll soon find out! Also don't fork out unnecessary money! Just suggest covering the taxi or 1 round of drinks! X

Such an awkward situation, you may be suffering from 'alco-noia' though, the feeling you have offended when in reality you haven't, just can't remember!

My friends and I always have a kitty now, everyone throws in so much to start then we top it up as necessary. Does mean someone has to be the kitty owner but it works well.

Stops the rounds issue, we all spend the same and weirdly I seem to spend less on days/nights out - bizarre!

Sorry but we haven't all been there!

OP, you drank their alcohol, accepted their rounds, got in a taxi they paid for and ate their food.

How was apologising not the first thing on your mind??

And falling over?! Sounds like you were hard work for them and that's ok, it happens. But not apologising is so, so out of order!

Pmsl , they haven't said anything at all , it's all conjecture because the op refuses to text them !

I agree. Makes it sound like it was all on purpose, not a mistake.

I had a 'friend' who used to not pay for the taxi home because it was 'on our way' and 'close to town'. For that and myriad other free loader reasons she's an ex friend.

Last saw her at a wedding trying to get the male invitees to buy her drinks...including all our OH's... Don't get in the habit of freeloading. You end up parting with your dignity once you've got into the brass neck habit

The silence on the group does say something imo. You went to the bar three times and didn't offer anyone a drink. You should have offered even if you think no one wanted more. It was your turn.

I'm sorry but I think this thread is really bloody odd. I don't drink any more, it's been about five years plus since went to pubs and clubs but whaaaat? Nowadays people calculate who spent what and when? When I used to go out, all my friends worked in similar jobs - waitressing, cleaning, bar work etc. It was a sort of unspoken rule that if you didn't have the cash, your friends would cover you and then on the next night out, you returned the favour. As I mentioned in my previous post, there was the occasional 'serial offender', but even they were forgiven because they were part of our 'gang' and we wanted them to be there. I'm glad I don't drink anymore if there are such strict rules in place regarding who buys drinks and when!

OP, if you like them enough, message them, or at least the 'main friend'. Other wise, lose them. If they are blanking you because you didn't foot the bill on one night out, I really don't think they are friends.

Oh God, I'm nearly 75 but this SO reminds me of my first husband ... I married pretty well straight out of school, oh dear.

When we went out with friends, he'd just sit back while everyone else took turns to buy rounds - in those days, mainly beer and cider - and he never put his hand in his pocket. When I pulled him up on this, he just smirked and said more fools them. By the way, I used to get Luncheon Vouchers from where I worked, and he insisted of having them, saying his job was more important than mine (he was a cameraman in a TV studio, I was a secretary) and told me to take Marmite sandwiches for MY lunch.

The marriage lasted three years! But, OP (sorry to ramble on a bit on your thread) you SHOULD have bought some rounds. Trouble is, when you get a bit plastered, one's sensible faculties sometimes fly out of the (bar/pub) window. A bit of grovelling to your friends, perhaps?

Op I really don't understand why you don't send a quick apology message - surely not doing it is more mortifying than biting the bullet?

Id go with a casual text too.

Just something like - " great night out. Who do I owe taxi and chip money to? Pita the card machine wasn't working."

Op I really don't understand why you don't send a quick apology message - surely not doing it is more mortifying than biting the bullet?

I know. This is one of those 'only on MN' moments - in what parallel universe is throwing a bbq you can't really afford a better solution than messaging your friends to say 'woah, I was was really pissed the other night and I can't remember much but I feel like I might have been a bit of a knob. Do I owe money and/or apologies to anyone?'

What SpaceUnicorn said! Great advice.

"Chip money" seriously that must be like £1.50 at most!!

If a friend offered me money because she'd eaten some of my chips I'd decline!!

The suspense is killing me, have you messaged them or not?

I've had experience of people in my life who, very craftily, get out of buying a round, share of restaurant bill, taxi etc! It's BLOODY annoying especially if it happens nearly every time you're with that person!
To be brutally frank, your description of events, would sound to me, very like you were being mean....whether you were or not! If you're that worried about it perhaps you could send a group text to everyone, saying that you were quite drunk on the night, but now realise you probably didn't pay your fair share, then ask what you owe....and pay it! Oh and by the way, even if your the first/ nearest drop off in the taxi, you still pay an equal share!

I don't think the OP ordered her own bag of chips. It sounds like she ate a few of someone else's.

She paid towards the taxi to the club.

She had two drinks, which she was offered, at the friend's house.

So really, the only significant thing is not getting in a round.

Molehill > > > Mountain

I guess it comes down to people who don't mind scabbing stuff and people who want to pay their way.

I think you should message them and explain and say you don't want anyone to be out of pocket on your account so could you buy two rounds next time. And apologise profusely. It's not ideal but the only thing to do. Honesty is the best policy.

OP, did they know you were just getting water?

Bloody hell, Walter - bit harsh!

I don't tend to think of my friends as 'scabs' over such petty things, no. Would rather give the benefit of the doubt, really.

Erm, first thing first - ALWAYS get the first rounds in early - I am guessing if everyone thought it was a special night and a bit of an occasion and the vodka wasn't fully consumed as pre-drinks before you went out, that they may have assumed you cheap before you even got in the taxi. When you are on a night out you should maintain pace with the other rounds and be willing to buy a round whenever noone is, it passes the obligation onto someone else. If you skimped a round or the taxi, it's not biggy by that point in the night, you can pick it up next time. No if I were you, I would be more worried that I might have said something or done something that was a bigger issue than you might have thought at the time. (like calling someone's new partner by their Ex's name )

I hope you've texted an apology OP. There have been some perfect suggestions on here. Surely sending a text (or picking up the phone) is better than the feeling you save at the moment?

Or are you intending to give up on the friendship?

You behaved in a way that could be interpreted as rude, it's up to you to voice your regret. Don't expect others to make the first move.

Placemark

OP. I wish I was still drinking. I would take you out with my old buddies; we would have been incredibly appreciative of your 'posh vodka' , plus your contribution to the taxi fare. If you wanted to drink water, we would have understood why you weren't buying rounds. We would also have escorted you from said taxi to your front door. Since when did one night out become this ridiculous squabbling over cash? When did 'friendship' become a business transaction? What about the occasional bit of generosity and forgiveness?