They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

So have they replied to your bbq invite ?

This is why we always do a kitty on a girls night out.
Everyone sticks in £20 before we leave and one person holds the purse strings (usually the same person because she is good with money)
Then if it needs topping up another £10 each goes in.
Not rocket science people!
All is then very fair.
If I choose to drink something not as expensive then that's my lookout.

Have they responded at all to the BBQ invite?
If not then that is rude.
Did you mention you were a bit of dick and wanted to make up for it with the BBQ when you sent the text?

DH said we can't afford to do a bbq just because you are embarrassed. Last one cost us about £200. Booze, meat, charcoal. So it's just been radio silence.

I think the BBQ is a fab idea. I also think you (and others here) are being a bit hard on yourself. If this happens regularly, I'd get why they are miffed but a one off seems a bit....off. In my drinking days, I had a friend who was known as a round dodger (I, on the other hand, was overly-generous, usually because I was shit-faced before I ever got to a club - I spent many Monday mornings looking at my account balance and thinking 'huh?'!) and we did used to have a bit of a moan about her, but it was because she did it every time!

Personally, I wouldn't have given a fuck if this was the first time you'd been out in ages, but the BBQ is a nice gesture. I know it leaves you strapped for cash, but it may be worth it in the long run to maintain your support network! Don't over-think it, apologise if you feel it's necessary, but my personal opinion is that if I still went drinking and had a new mum pal who joined us, I'd be quite happy to pay a bit extra to ensure she enjoyed her rare night out! Good luck!

Sorry, just saw your last post! I'm starting to wonder if they are even worth being friends with! Sulking because you didn't split costs exactly? It was a night of drinking, not a meal. Someone is bound to get drunk! I don't remember taking a calculator and an accounts log on my nights out! And not responding to your invite is just bloody rude.

I don't think you should pay out £200 for a BBQ because you are embarrassed - your DH is right!

Chalk this one up to experience, if you feel the need send a text saying 'who do I owe xyz for' but leave it at that. I think you're mainly suffering from the fear that comes post excessive boozing.

I really don't understand why you don't just text the group with one of the many suggestions you've had on here. Surely a simple text along the lines of "just realised I hardly spent anything. I must owe people money- who shall I transfer to?" is a hundred times better than sitting at home worrying that they all hate you?! It puts your mind at ease and solves the problem and takes about 30 seconds.

Hells, what a great idea!

I'm with plims

They've not been in touch but you think they are discussing you on a separate group?

If they knew about the cards etc do you think they would really be bothered? It annoys me when people duck out of buying rounds but this doesn't seem as clear cut!

How did you pay cash for the outgoing taxi if you only had your passport/credit card? And seriously, you forgot your purse? No way would I go out without mine. And how come you had a credit card separately? Not saying you were deliberately aiming to not pay, it's just odd.

Do what plimsolls suggested

I don't know why you didn't just send the message suggested upthread ages ago? Sorry, was so pissed and out of practice that I didn't get my round in. I can transfer cash or the first rounds are on me next time. It would have been simple and easily dealt with. Now you've turned it into something massive by going on about barbecues etc.

Previous poster's was far better worded but you get the gist.

I think it's highly unlikely that they're doing what you think they are. You have beer-fear. Honestly I just think you're anxious and over thinking and a bit paranoid. A lot of people get like that after drinking especially if they're not used to it and it can last for days.

If you send a message like suggested to put your mind at rest, bear in mind that it might take a while to be answered. Don't get even more wound up.

And because it's a crappy feeling.

Ugh I can't stand the culture of getting rounds in, why is it so difficult for people just to pay for their own food & drinks. Nine times out of Ten when getting rounds in people are going to get moody because they feel like one or two people are not contributing.

OP - have you messaged them saying you're happy to compensate them for your share?

It makes no sense that you aren't comfortable texting an apology but you are comfortable texting an apology and offering a BBQ.

Just get on with it. The longer you leave it the worse it will be on both sides. Just say you'll definitely get first round next time.

You're just sounding whiny now.

You were happy to accept other people rounds, you shod have then bought a round, despite you having water. You shod have offered to pay for part of the food or not accepted any. I think you came across as a but tight.

You're overthinking this OP.

Yes you're embarrassed, people will think you were being tight, but the worst thing to do is bury your head in the sand. That will just make it worse, if (IF!) they are annoyed with you.

Just send a text saying who do you owe for the taxi, and that next time you go out the first round or two is on you as you were too drunk to reciprocate this time, sorry!

I would probably message and say "gosh, drank far too much but had a great time. Memory is a bit hazy but I'm worried I didn't pay enough. I know you all covered my cab too - can I reimburse everyone and cover the cost of the taxi? Let me know how much. So embarrassed xxx"

I'm with plimsolls-please put your mind at rest. Speak to your friend about it or at least send the message suggested up thread. I think you need to do it today at the latest as a few days have passed since your night out. Don't spend £200 on a BBQ if you can't afford it-that's way OTT! Transferring £20/30 or whatever is much cheaper or message saying what about a kitty next time and you'll throw in an extra whatever amount. You're torturing yourself with imaginary scenarios-just find out for sure!

You were happy to accept other people rounds

I find that it's pretty hard to get away with not accepting drinks that have already been bought for you. I think round-buying often serves to legitimise excess. Making everyone drink too much, so there's no judgement...