They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

You should just offer to transfer money- much better than cold hard cash and no need for a £200 BBQ.

This is rediculous now OP. Send a text and apologise. Not a BBQ. I imagine you have annoyed them a bit but it's unlikely to end a friendship if you say sorry. But you do need to say sorry.

I want to know how you left your purse behind and why your credit and debit cards were separate. Surely they'd both be in your purse?

Like someone said, type in WhatsApp, sorry was a bit sozzled last night and didn't manage to get a round in, let me know please what I owe for drinks. Do you fancy coming round for a BBQ on x datexx

Somebody suggested putting 20 in a drinks kitty each then extra. Some people drink more than others, so that's not fair. I would just agree amongst each other before that people buy their own, that's what I always did.

Ahhhh.. but my friends and myself all drink very similarly so £20 in would be fine for us.
If someone isn't drinking (eg. when one was pregnant) then they didn't have to put in at all.
It's all swings and roundabouts with this kind of thing.
It all evens out in the end.

I hate rounds, they never work unless theres 4 or less of you because you have to have the same number of drinks as people or a multiple of that to be fair. Its also really annoying when your waiting at the bar and the person in front orders 20 drinks.
I dont really see why people cant just buy their own drinks. Its not like a restaurant where you get a bill at the end, its really easy to pay individually.
I doubt anyone noticed op that you didn't pay, if this is a one off. I would just send a text similar to the ones pp have suggested apologising for not paying and offer to pay. Make it jokey :)
But I really wouldn't want to be friends with a group of people who stopped talking to me after one occasion of not paying, instead of just asking me for a fiver each.
Also if you just but everyone a double round, you have to accept your spending more than others because then everyone would have to have 14 drinks

I don't think it's the beer fear at all, I think you were bloody out of order taking drinks and offering nothing in return.
And you know it.
My SIL is like this and I will now never go out for a night with her. Her extreme tightness is embarrassing.
You're also being a bit of a drip now, mithering and having grand ideas for a BBQ you know won't happen.
Just send the message, apologise, and move on.

I would prefer to buy my own in that case as I am not a big drinker, a couple and then soft drinks.

If this is a regular thing and you're known for doing this, then that is obviously wrong. However, if you always buy your share and this was a one off then it would be wrong of your friends to be annoyed.

If this is your first time out with them, again, it would be wrong to be annoyed. I mean, when you're pissed you don't exactly think of these things.

I actually hate the idea of buying rounds.

Christ on a bike - 4 days of mithering.

Just apologise and offer to transfer money. Why would you want to fork out $200 to try and prove that you're not tight???

As aforementioned, I really, really don't understand what the big deal is here. It's not ideal, but it happens.

The idea that something like this would be labelled "completely out of order" and warrant the offender being frozen out, or subjected to sour-faced ongoing judgment is just beyond absurd. I am a regular drinker - work in a male-dominated office right in the city centre on the doorstep of countless pubs, and this sort of thing happens all the time. Usually it will be a drunken one off, or the result of the guy in question being badgered or encouraged to come out when they can't really afford to, but as long as it's not one poor sucker buying for multiple others all night, nobody cares. Everyone's forgotten by morning.

If somebody is scrimping on the rounds and you don't like it, say so at the time. If there's any chance at all that they weren't compos mentis or felt pressured into coming whilst skint then obviously don't push it, but if it looks like common or garden tightness then either ask them to get a round in at the time or fucking forget about it! Don't people have more important things to worry about? The idea that somebody would waste their time "fuming" about the financial semantics of a piss-up days hence is just unbelievably sad.

OP, just send a message offering to reimburse. If for whatever reason this isn't an option, then just apologise and forget about it. It was a few drinks - if these people were that bothered about a few quid here and there, they wouldn't have gone out on the lash in the first place.

But who would she reimburse? Each person a small amount?

The shots were probably mega cheap anyway.

WipsGlitter That is a fair point.

In her shoes, if I was reasonably sure I'd fallen very short, I'd simply ask who footed most of the bill (if applicable) or chuck a few quid to each person.

The thing is, as far as I can tell, she spent 25 quid in one go on a bottle for the pre-drinks - it's hardly her fault that nobody drank it, so to say that her contribution was zip is totally disingenuous.

If anybody I knew got arsey with somebody about a "crime" like this and kept at it, they'd be written off as a petulant princess.

I think they are being really harsh to you tbh

Pmsl , they haven't said anything at all , it's all conjecture because the op refuses to text them !

I think is crazy how tight some people are on here .. Surely if it was a group of friends they should just let it go and then next time they all go out OP should just offer to buy the first round..
Personally I hate the "rounds" system.. I can't drink any where near as much as my friends and if I went along with it I would probably end up in a hospital every time .. Why can't people just buy their own drinks? God forbid you'd all have to go to the bar at some point ..

How rude Of them to just buy you drinks with out asking what you wanted! It's a pet hate of mine someone popping along with a round without asking, I'm of limited drinking capacity and don't want to waste it on fosters and a shot (what I usually get not what you got) I like to carefully choose my drinks.

You couldn't buy a round if no one is drinking but I would have offered when you went for water as yes it looks bad if your at the bar without offering. I make it clear that I'm not in rounds if the situation ever arises as I drink well under what some in our group does an as mentioned in a previous reply rounds and shots are well expensive and I refuse to waste both the drinking capacity and money on tripe. That said I may only drink £15-20 worth of booze in a night but I always seem to over compensate somewhere by buying a round at some point in the night.

If it's a big deal for them your better off letting them have their moody face on and finding more pleasant people to spend your evenings with, if it happens every time you go out they may have a point but if it's a one off and there were not enough rounds to make sure everyone paid for one then it rolls over to your next outing.

Is this first time u have been out with this group of people? I never get involved in rounds! if they are taking behind ur back then they are not worth worrying about! instead of ignoring u they should just say I ow money! This sort of thing will happen again with people like that I wouldn't go out with them agin

Just send a message if you're that bothered (agree I wouldn't be keeping a tab if it was my true friends) "I just checked my online banking and realised I didn't use my card on Friday night - which meant I only spent 'X' in cash. Who do I owe money to?".

And next time get the first round in...

I never buy rounds in a big group. I don't drink and am pretty much always driving. If someone else is driving, I will offer to buy for them and contribute to fuel.
I have never understood the round buying mentality as someone always ends up feeling hard done buy.
It also really annoys me when you go out for a meal you drink tap water or coke all night and then the group want to split the bill evenly. Um. Nope.
Saying that, I only go out with people who already know I am a grumpy cow, so it is rarely an issue!

Seriously just apologise!

Imagine wanting to spend £200 to avoid "was pissed on Friday and realised I didn't buy a round or pay for cab. Who do I owe for the taxi? next time, first round is on me x"

In fairness,it wasn't just rounds. She also drank their southern comfort!

Surely once you realise you're pissed it's your round purely because then you can ensure your next drink is water and you're going to the bar anyway?!

I think you know you've been totally out of order OP. You've had a whole night out, got bladdered and been dropped off at your front door all for a fiver!! And come on, the old I've forgotten my purse is as old as the hills, they will have seen straight through that. There's not a chance in hell I'd go out without any cash, I don't think many people would. I'd be as embarrassed as hell. How did you expect to get home? I take it you have form for this but haven't been pulled up about it, otherwise these girls you have known for years would know it was completely out of character and you would be able to to call them about it.
Id text them and say you've realised that you didn't pay your way and next time the first couple of rounds are on you

I'll be honest OP, if you were so hammered you were falling on the dance floor, how come you were able to get three glasses of water? How were you coherent enough to do everything, but you managed to fell sleep/pass out when the time for paying came.

It just doesn't make sense to me