They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

Op these are your friends, if you want to keep it that way get on the phone to whoever you are closest to and find out if there is a problem, then fix it.

Don't leave it too long or you might find out there's been another night out and you missed out, then it gets harder and harder to fix.

Is this "chill" real, or could it be Jiminy Cricket bending your ear?

It's always tough catching on to the unwritten rules in a party, especially when they're people you know through a friend and you missed out on the formative ways of the group. Remember that, unless they're especially angry and bitter people, they will forget about blocking you (if that's what they're doing) within a week or two. That's how social coercion works, and it's usually a good thing that keeps groups together!

Now the less useful stuff about what you should have done.

Don't buy £25 vodka for a party. More than likely it will be drunk later on by people who don't want to come out of the high. Anything branded is fine.

£5 towards a £20 taxi in a group of five is about right.

Appear to keep spending money as fast as anyone else. The price of your vodka was invisible.

If there were five rounds of shots then you and one other didn't buy a round. You're not being villified.

However, sloping off to the bar for your water fix wasn't right. Instead, perhaps announce "I'm going to order a jug of water. Does anyone want any more to drink?" Then you could buy a drink for those who don't enthusiastically say they don't want one, whether they want it or not. A waiter will bring you a jug of iced water and seven glasses, and you will have "provided for" the group.

It's all about seeming "willing"!

Think OP is getting a hard time. Yes she messed up a bit. However she said she does not get out often. She has a baby & I can remember having an addled brain when DD was little.

It doesn't matter whether vodka is in or out does it? She generously took a bottle & was eager to please by doing so. She paid more than her share of the taxi. I think she applied too much logic with- "there was already a table full of drinks" & not knowing what people wanted to drink- but that is easy to say with hindsight or when you know how nights out work.

I think the BBQ would be OTT. Previous suggestions re texts have been spot on I think. Don't carry on overthinking OP. A light- hearted text offering to pay for taxi & first round next time sounds good to me. 💐

Like Borodin's post too!

Ah - on reading back, OP's DD may not be a baby- think I got that impression from a pp but still easy to get flustered I think & I would not have concluded that OP was free-loading.

All of this "Oh I was drunk, I lost count, what do I owe" is too little too late. We're talking about last Friday night! It's not believable that the OP has just sobered up and realised their shortfall.

It will be more or less obvious to the OP whether they've been judged to be out of order, and it's impossible for anyone to assess that third-hand.

People have made far worse gaffes and have been forgiven. The OP should weather the storm and learn from her experience. That is the way these things work until you do something unforgiveable.

I can't quite believe that the poster who asked the people minimising the situation whether they would "want to get to know someone if they acted like this" is being serious.

Anyone that expressed such views in my neck of the woods would be the one most likely to end up on their lonesome - not someone who didn't distribute their expenditure in the "right way" for their friends.

"You shouldn't have bought 25 quid vodka, you should have bought the drinks they wanted as part of the round setup and shame on you for eating a handful of chips" - what the fuck? Are people really this vapid and spiteful in real life? What is this, a little girls' tea party?

If I expressed disdain to the rest of my social group for somebody who scrimped on a few rounds after forking out on the "wrong" pre drinks and had a few of somebody's (presumably offered) fries in the taxi I'd be laughed out of the room, and rightly so.

I have known a good few people who've made a habit of dodging their share of the bill and without fail, one of the rest of us will enquire if he's brassic, and if he isn't then he'll be playfully reminded to get his arse in gear next time. But a one off imbalance? Why would you even notice?

Tbh, if she hasn't sent that text by now then really she might as well either give up and brazen it out, or, more likely, accept that she probably won't be going out with that group too much more. The text would have been perfect up till about Sunday evening. Doing it now would look ridiculous. I'm totally baffled as to what the issue is.

Are people really this vapid and spiteful in real life? What is this, a little girls' tea party?

Right, so would you go out and drink on other peoples money all night long, eat their food, ride in their taxis, and pay absolutely NOTHING?
Some people are so tight they's peel an orange in their pocket, but then to attack the people who point out that its not ok is below cheeky.
Don't treat your friends like a cash machine, dudes.

Aw, but she didn't 'pay nothing'. She took round some pricey vodka and overpaid her share in the taxi ride. I don't know - if she were my friend and doing it week in, week out, I'd say something, but one night? I personally think her friends are a bit anal. I had a friend who was a notorious blagger, and we all did a bit of an eye-roll when she made excuses as to why she couldn't cough up, but she was also fantastic company, very funny and just a good soul. Her tightness was legendary, but we liked her. Just remember, one of the OP's friends is enjoying that vodka (my bet is Grey Goose) while dissing her on social media. Hypocritical much?

To be fair on the group of women, no one has actually said anything to her! There's just been no proper activity on the WhatsApp "organise the night out" group since the night out happened. OP messaged the group saying thanks for a great night and one person replied in agreement.

OP then thought about the fact she hadn't contributed to the rounds and had also got drunker than everyone else, and concluded that the group is annoyed with her and then posted on here.

Everything else is conjecture and imagined.

Personally I'd just say on the whatsap group "Is everything ok?? Everyone has been so quiet from the night out". To see what kind of response you are given, if any. If they say there is a problem then apologise. It's better to get it out in the open instead of winding yourself up about it and maybe for no reason.

Aw, but she didn't 'pay nothing'. She took round some pricey vodka and overpaid her share in the taxi ride

That probably no-one wanted! She overpaid by 2 pounds. 2 pounds doesn't get you predrinks, 10 plus drinks in the pub, food, taxi home....come on!

Have things worked out OP?