They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

Have you messaged an apology yet then op??

According to this thread, someone who only wants maybe two drinks has to keep buying alcohol for the others even when she has switched to water. Bizarre.

I cant see anyone has suggested that. If you accept several drink off others you offer to buy them one back, if they decline ok, if you want to drink water that doesn't mean you cant buy them a drink back if they are still drinking.

If no one wants drinks (which are bloody expensive now and a round can be >£20) you offer to pay for the bag of chips or the taxi.

You don't superglue your purse shut and obviously avoid every opportunity to contribute to the night out, then wonder 2 days later why you haven't heard from anyone.

Have you messaged an apology yet then op??

I think a phone call as soon as possible/practical to your closest friend in the group would be better to both apologise and judge the level of bad feeling and how to fix. The longer you leave it the harder it will be.

Apologies should be done in person (or at least a call) not a group text.

Sorry but you did avoid buying your round.

I try to avoid getting into these situations as I don't like the pressure to "keep up" with the prevailing drunkenness level, but British culture requires that everyone buys their round. You could have brought over a tray of tequila shots when you got yourself some water, if it was too loud to actually ask anyone what they wanted.

I agree with pp an apology plus insisting the first round is yours next time is the only way to go unless you want to drop out if this social circle altogether.

You don't superglue your purse shut and obviously avoid every opportunity to contribute to the night out

She didn't. She just wasn't able to keep up with the binge-drinking and didn't want to buy yet more alcohol when people already several drinks each on the table...

TBH i think OP is being a little bit disingenuous. i think she wasn't as pissed as she made out, if she could go to the bar three times for water and dance. Then all of a sudden in the taxi she was so hammered she fell asleep right when it was time to pay?

of course it really could just be a horrible coincidence, in which case OP has lots of great advice. But IMO she tried to pull a fast one, because the water then all of a sudden passed out in taxi makes zero sense to me.

To be fair, OP did say she paid for a fiver towards the 20 quid taxi on the way there, out of 7 people.

Rounds are a pain in the arse.

She didn't. She just wasn't able to keep up with the binge-drinking and didn't want to buy yet more alcohol when people already several drinks each on the table...

she could have offered to buy a round even if she wasn't drinking anymore, or pay for the food, or the taxi, or contact her friends afterwards and say who do I owe money to........all options she choose not to do

There's always one who will happily sup all night at someone else's expense and not offer to get a round in. Whether the op wanted a drink or not, nothing stopped her asking others and then getting yourself a water or a soft drink. To add insult to injury she then - by accident or design - succeeds in poncing a ride home and a bag of chips.

If she'd wanted to redeem herself she could have messaged everyone next morning and said 'quite conscious of the fact I didn't get my round in last night, I was a bit pie eyed and was necking water so how much do I owe you for the taxi and the drinks?' If she'd done that, I'm convinced to a woman they'd have said: 'don't worry about it, just get us one back next time.'

As it is, it all looks quite calculated and I'm sorry to say I wouldn't ask someone else out again if they'd done that on a night out and if I did I would make sure we had a whip round before and saw the colour of their money before we'd headed out.

Girls are too erratic for rounds - we're too fussy about what we want, there's too much variation in the amounts we drink and we're more likely to hold longstanding grudges if we perceive the round to have been somehow unfair. Leave it to the fellas, dears!

Mary FFS. Speak for yourself

Girls are too erratic for rounds - we're too fussy about what we want, there's too much variation in the amounts we drink and we're more likely to hold longstanding grudges if we perceive the round to have been somehow unfair. Leave it to the fellas, dears!

Really hoping thats a joke? Otherwise, the 50's called, you've wandered off....

Mary, I just find we're too busy dancing round our handbags or crying in the toilets over a fella.

This is why it's much better for the alcohol drinkers to have a kitty. If you want to keep drinking top up the kitty when it runs out.

Sounds like a hellish night though op. I prefer pjs, glass of wine and a film but then getting old.

You need to apologise as your were a tight git.

When did dancing around handbags stop being a thing? remember doing it around 1979 but dd looked st me as if I had gone mental when describing it to her.

I did it late 90s Atinybit! I still occasionally try to sneak one onto the floor at parties...

It was a good system wasn't it?

mary are you taking the piss?!

Yes yabu. It seems that you were happy to accept drinks all night until it was your turn to buy. You could still have bought a round and got water for yourself. I think you should definitely do as others have suggested and get in touch and offer to pay

I am cringing at the memory.

there seems to be a bit of confusion about some facts so I will break it down.

1. I dropped off dd on Friday morning for a day with and sleepover at grandmas. I left my purse there by mistake which has my debit card and driving license ID. For the night out I decided to use my passport as ID and took my credit card to pay for things. It charges you to take cash out so I was just going to pay for rounds etc by card as I've done in the past. The places we were going to take card and worst case I could get cash.

1. I turned up to my friends house and gave her the vodka, so yeah, probably no one knew I gave it. There was a pitcher of the southern comfort everyone was having so I didn't open my bottle - just left it in the kitchen. I had about two large glasses.

1. I know one person quite well from school days, her two sisters and the others I have known through her for about five years, I see them a couple of times a year. I don't get out much largely due to a lack of childcare but a couple of times a year I will go out with them.

1. I gave my cash in for the taxi, I did not think about paying for the whole thing as I was going to do a round.

1. Almost as soon as we got in the pub/club someone came back with a tray of double rounds. (ie14glases) I was waiting for it to get finished so I could get another. But before I even finished my first drink another round plus shots arrived. I had a shot, finished my drink carried on dancing. Then someone brought more. After the first round I asked what a few people were drinking, but I couldn't even hear so I thought I would go with someone who knew what people were having. I finished my drink (so of the night about 2 mega large/strong at the house, 3 drinks and a shot) I started falling over so I switched to water. There were still a lot of drinks on the table but in hindsight I should have just got a round then.

1. We left trying to get in somewhere else but the 2 other places were not letting people in so it was home time. I went to the kebab shop with the intention of paying but the card machine at the place was out of order. Then we just got in a taxi, I fell asleep and 2 mins later was home.

1. I don't think I'm blocked but there is probably a parallel group. It was Friday and I'm too mortified to send any of the texts suggested above.

I'm thinking of doing a bbq for them on Sat fully catered if they will come rather than transferring cold hard cash. I can't afford it but serves me right.

Some of the others have been much more drunk before so it wasn't just the drunkenness. I can say something like sorry for being a bit of an arse on Friday - please let me make it up to you and come to a bbq at mine on sat 5pm.

BBQ sounds like a great idea :-)

If I had been on that night out, your behaviour wouldn't have seemed at all out of place or untoward. I don't think you owe anyone money or an apology. What good would buying another round to sit on a table have done?

A BBQ sounds like a lovely idea - but I wouldn't say it was for 'being an arse' because it doesn't sound like you were!

jump yes the op should have got a round in. It's the decent thing to do if you are accepting drinks from people all night. Op you asked a few people what they were drinking but couldn't hear so didn't buy any.

The bbq sounds like a lovely idea, don't say it was for being an arsenal. At least you know you should have bought drinks.

With so many drinks, did anyone even notice you hadn't bought any?

I think it's just the "beer fear".

Next time you're out with them, make sure you get the first round in, then you'll avoid all the angst.