They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

You're speculating about what others think. If you feel bad, one option would be to reimburse the others for the (?£20) return taxi fare.

It's not a British thing, its just a normal thing. The only British bit is counting exactly who bought what and how many drinks everyone had!

If you don't intend to buy drinks for everyone when its your turn, yuo just opt out at the start, no thanks I'll buy my own does the job.

However drinking on everyone elses rounds, including the shots, then eating someone elses food and not paying for the taxi either is beyond cheeky. I wouldn't be inviting OP out again either!

Yeah you didn't pay for taxi, drinks or food. Even if I switch to water I buy a round to reciprocate what someone has bought for me earlier. Why didn't you buy a round and just get water for yourself? Tight.

Why don't you post "who paid for the taxi home? Sorry I was so out of it if someone sends me their bank details I'll transfer cash for cab and some of the shots."

I think that your text might have annoyed them even more.
It is like a taking the piss text although i know you didn't mean it that way.
If you had sent the text the poster earlier suggested it it should be ok. But not the 'i hope you had fun buying me drinks and chips'.
Everybody makes mistakes but you should send an apology. If they are good friends they should accept the apology and let it go.

AND OP drank their southern comfort in the house instead of the vodka she brought! They might not drink vodka anyway so thats hardly a gift for them.
So basically she drank their home booze, she drank FIVE rounds of drink plus a shot (so ten drinks paid for by others), she ate someone elses food and then didn't pay anything for the taxi? And was falling down drunk too.
Yep, they are pissed off.

It's not a British thing, its just a normal thing. The only British bit is counting exactly who bought what and how many drinks everyone had!

Couldn't agree with this more. It's not a British thing it's the decent thing done in a lot of places. Actually the British thing of keeping a tab on what everyone else buys is what I find tight.

OP - sounds like you have hangover guilt/anxiety. Don't stress x

Ps. I like tuppence's idea - say that in the whatsapp grouo

You would think the person whose house you left the vodka at would leap to your defence really.

no one in our house drinks vodka. No one I know drinks vodka. If she left it at mine it would be useless. I would probably try and get it back to her. It's not really a gift if no one wants it.

It is a British thing.

From an EU country here and 'rounds' are just not a thing. you buy your own and that is it. if you offer someone a drink you don't do it so they pay the next...

I don't drink much, so I never enter rounds. ok people may think I am tight but i can't afford 5 , 6 , 7 drinks when i just want do drink one or two

Well I'm from another EU country and rounds are a thing. They are NOT just a British thing.

This is why we do a kitty at the beginning of the night covers drinks and taxi. We all the to drink on a similar level so it works out fair. Any food is bought individually. Sorry OP think you were out of order on this one, there were lots of opportunity for you to pay your way but somehow managed to miss all of them!

A kitty sounds even worse!

OP, are these people you go out with a lot? If you don't have form for not round buying I highly doubt they even noticed!

If you're worried, can you message the group with something like people have suggested above? Maybe 'Hey guys, had a few too many shots last night and noticed I've still got a fair bit of money left! I must owe someone for a round or two - let me know who.'

I agree DontYouLove has it

Op send that message and then just wait and see , if they're good friends they'll be fine

You should have got the takeaway food, that would have made up for the lack of drinks and contributed more to the taxi fare.

An apology txt is the way to go, so they know you aren't a frequent piss taker and usually don't need babysitting, which is annoying when your all over 20.

The worse bit is that you were too drunk to say that you had a good night out, on a fiver.

OP, are these people you go out with a lot? If you don't have form for not round buying I highly doubt they even noticed!

They noticed. It would be impossible not to.

Knowing you hadn't bought a round yet did you ask anyone if they wanted a drink each time you were going to the bar for water? I think it would have been very noticeable someone repeatedly going to the bar having drank several double rounds paid by others and not offering to buy anyone a drink all night - but its okay because it was too noisy to ask and when you urgently needed water it conveniently wasn't time to buy a round.

You ate their food without paying, knowing full well they'd already paid for all your drinks with nothing in return.

You conveniently fell asleep in the taxi when it was time to pay.

It's now Monday and you haven't even managed to contact your friends to say sorry you sponged off them all night and ask who you owe money to.

It does sound like you've done everything possible you can to avoid opening your purse and are now worried about the consequence of your actions. I don't blame them for being pissed off.

There's no magical solution you either 1) Ignore and hope it goes away 2) Fess up and apologise and ask who you owe money too, hope they forgive you, and then don't be so tight in the future 3) Write off the friendships and ask for your bottle of vodka back.

Yeah, it's kinda reached grovel time OP. You can do it cheerfully though, like *Dont"s suggestion.

According to this thread, someone who only wants maybe two drinks has to keep buying alcohol for the others even when she has switched to water. Bizarre.
Not really, Robotic. You and three friends go for a drink. A buys a round, then B, then C. You are D, have had enough and want water. The thing to do is buy them a drink, get yourself water, then opt out of the rounds. Otherwise you take 3 drinks off your friends then decide you don't want more and don't need to buy them one? Taking the piss (literally) really...

Rounds are a minefield I'd rather avoid. I mean, what is the upper limit for how many people you buy for? Say you're out with 10 or 15 friends, do people really spend £60 on a round for everyone? And what happens when people are shit faced and incapable of drinking more than 5 drinks, but there are 5 people who haven't yet bought a round, or someone who hasn't yet bought needs to leave early? Do they chalk it up and buy the first round next time they're out with the same people? What is the right etiquette? I'm not tight, but rounds seem fraught with danger and inconsistency. I also agree that it seems to feed the binge drinking culture - everyone will continue to order drinks they don't want or need because they're part of this agreement and want their money's worth or whatever.

Anyway, I don't like rounds and don't tend to get involved in them on a large scale. But op, you didn't contribute enough - if not drinking I'd have offered to pay the taxi or kebabs or whatever.

This is why I always stay out of the 'rounds' thing, unless there are 4 people or fewer. Much easier to say 'I'll get my own, thanks loads though'.

I know what that sort of night out is like-it has happened to me before! Usually I'd pay for the food and taxi if I didn't get to buy a round. I'd message the group saying something like what a pp has suggested-great night, the shots floored you (you don't get out much 😀) so you switched to water. You'd like to pay for the food/taxi since you were in no state to compute that you should buy a round, so who do you owe? If they're decent they'll understand and appreciate the effort.

davos fair enough , I hate vodka too,but have friends who drink it,so could share it with them next time or pass it on as a gift next time a vodka lover had a birthday or whatever. l was more thinking about the principle really and if l was one of the group whose house we started at and they were all slagging her off and labelling her as a freeloader/tight arse /whatever on the strength of one outing , l personally would point out that tbf she did bring a decent bottle that must've cost her about £25. Regardless of whether l liked that drink or my friends did or not , I would point out that she's not a complete tight arse , or didnt set out to be. But l hate it when a group of women gang up on one other like this on the strength of one occasion or incident or misunderstanding and nobody speaks to them directly. If OP were to go out with them again and do the same then fine - either have a word and see if she changes her ways or just exclude her without explanation (l prefer the former but hey !) I was marginalised at work once by a group of women in an office because of a genuine misunderstanding about one of their birthday collections and it is horrible.