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Original poster

To think that they should shut the fuck up

390 replies

KatMcGee · 07/08/2016 20:03

I don't like DH's family.

They don't like me.

We've been together for 5 years, married for 2, we live in London whilst DH's family thankfully live way up north.

I'm not the easiest person to deal with but I'm not horrid, I keep to myself, I don't really do nature or cooking or anything that takes me away from a mobile signal

DH has a massive family and every summer they all meet up at his parents property, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins which is in the middle of nowhere.

I did this once 4 years ago and I hated every bloody second of it, they go hiking at dawn, they have family sports days, which is just grown men kicking a ball around whilst the women cheer from the sidelines , tend to kids etc Hmm

I've managed to avoid it ever since but this year DH wouldn't relent and he managed to talk me into it.

It's day 2 and I'm ready to head home. It seems that all of DH's excuses over the years weren't believed and I've been assigned the role of the evil daughter in law.

Everyone keeps giving me snide comments.

They were up at dawn for their fucking hike yesterday and I crawled out of bed to join in and not be a spoilsport and I was bombarded with snide comments

SIL: "Oh dear, if you can't keep up, you shouldn't have come along"

A random aunt: "those boots look brand new, I hope you're not throwing DH's money away" I work, I earn more than DH, I don't hike, so I had to buy boots and when I told this to random aunt, she looked at MIL and said "you were right about her"

Yesterday afternoon when all the woman were cooking in the kitchen, I was in the bedroom as I can't cook but another SIL called me down and so I went down.

"Oh why'd you bring her down" said very fucking loudly by MIL "I mean she won't be much help, girl can't even cook"

I ignored her, went on my phone as they were going on about little Barnaby (not his real name) teething and not coping well with all the noise/people.

I sat their thinking, why bring a teething toddler to this mad house but kept my mouth shut.

BIL walks through the door, joins in the Barnaby talk, looks at me and says "you'll be dealing with all this soon" I pulled a face, it was a natural reaction, lasted only for a second

MIL pipes up "Oh didn't you know, Madam over there doesn't want children, she's too busy with her career" it was said with a smile but with so much fucking venom.

I smiled and said "DH, can't stand the little brats either" then bombarded DH with texts. He walked in five minutes later and I've refused to let him leave my side.

He didn't go out to the lake with all the boys this morning and sat right next to me throughout this afternoons barbecue. This has only led to more comments, if I hear one more snide remark I'm going to tell them to shut the fuck up and then leave.

I won't survive till Friday, I'm thinking of faking ill tonight and leaving in the morning but DH refuses to play along.

OP posts:
Lovewineandchocs · 07/08/2016 20:13

Run! Run very fast! Can u get home without DH? I wouldn't bother faking illness or any of that, just say you've had enough of their snide remarks. They don't like you anyway, nor you them, so what's the difference?! I don't get why OP sounds awful? The "little brats" comment? I'd say she was driven to it tbh.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 07/08/2016 20:13

They sound awful. I would leave asap and make sure they know it's because of their rudeness and making you feel so unwelcome.

DerekSprechenZeDick · 07/08/2016 20:14

Just because it's the in laws doesn't mean OP isn't a dick too you know.

Palomb · 07/08/2016 20:14

You sound like dreadful company and as if you've gone out of your way to make yourself as utterly unlikabke as possible!

They'll probably be glad when you go home.

EllieHandMeDownBaby · 07/08/2016 20:14

Well it's a shame you can't find common ground, but they are being awfully rude so your reaction is hardly surprising. And to be there another 4-5 days...yeuch!
Claim a work emergency tomorrow morning and nip off?

Squeegle · 07/08/2016 20:14

I have a feeling they may think you look down on them; the thing is that this will never change if you can't strike up a relationship with them outside of this big family gathering. You need to feel more comfortable, and they need to look after you more. Your DH needs to help with this. At the moment sounds like you are the posh new girl from school being bullied by her classmates who've all known each other for years.

greathat · 07/08/2016 20:15

You sound rude, and as though you are refusing to make an effort. You need to meet people halfway

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 07/08/2016 20:15

Sounds a bit like you can't make the slightest effort to get on with his family.

AgentJ · 07/08/2016 20:16

Oh this will get good.

Original poster
KatMcGee · 07/08/2016 20:17

I've only met them 3 times before the wedding, one was the family visit 4 years prior, so not much backstory. They're tight knit & they know everything about each other, so I can't really join in for group conversations, so I go on my phone.

OP posts:
timelytess · 07/08/2016 20:17

Right.
Stop being negative about yourself. I don't care if you're nice or not, you are you and as a human being, you deserve consideration.
Accept, for goodness sake, that you can't do this sort of thing. Nor could I. It sounds like a living hell. Don't ever pretend, or be dragged into it, not ever.
If that means you lose the DH along the way, so be it. Because you can't go through this rubbish, it shouldn't be part of your life.
Don't fake illness.
Just pack and go. If they need an explanation say 'I tried. You didn't make me feel welcome. I'm done.' And leave.
Everything on your terms from now on. Don't try to fit in with them. You gave it your best shot.

DerekSprechenZeDick · 07/08/2016 20:18

You've not even tried have you?

If I were your husband I'd tell you to fuck off home on your own if you are just going to be miserable shit.

I'd happily spend a week like that once every four years.

Original poster
KatMcGee · 07/08/2016 20:19

I went on a hike at dawn, a bike ride, sat in the kitchen as they cooked, went out to the grocery store with 2 SILS, I haven't refused anything I've been asked to do, how is that not meeting people half way.

OP posts:
MaudGonneMad · 07/08/2016 20:19

Doesn't really sound like you're trying if you're sitting there on your phone...

Original poster
KatMcGee · 07/08/2016 20:20

Timelytess, that's exactly what I needed to hear. I'm leaving and I'm never doing this again.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 07/08/2016 20:20

leave. go use your annual leave somewhere better. ie almost anywhere fucking else.

StrawberrytallCake · 07/08/2016 20:21

KatMcGee I have similar problems with my in laws, just be yourself and fuck what they say!! Don't let it make you close up or feel bad, just put on some big thick skin and be more you than is possible - that's what I try to do.

DoreenLethal · 07/08/2016 20:21

but I feel bad as he won't let me go on my own

Why not?

RaeSkywalker · 07/08/2016 20:21

Sounds like an awful situation. I've been in similar positions with my DH's family.

However, in future I'd say that if you can't go with good grace, don't go at all. Sounds like you've been dreading it, and it will be showing that you aren't comfortable or interested. Which will get everyone else's backs up too.

Firsttimer82 · 07/08/2016 20:22

My MIL is horrendous and fortunately lives up North. Just suck it up is my advice. Its only a week. These people and what they say has nothing to do with you or your life. Just smile and don't retaliate.. I'm sure if you thought about it you'd enjoy confusing them and killing them with kindness. They are only horrible because they are jealous/don't know how to handle you. You love your man. Do it for him. Is there even one IL there you could be friends with? Good luck. Don't let the bastards grind you down!!

Lovewineandchocs · 07/08/2016 20:23

She may well be a dick-she said as much lol Grin however she has been berated for buying new hiking boots (in an effort to join in), clarifying the fact that she isn't spending her DHs money Shock her lack of culinary skills and her career and life choices. I can see why she'd want to leave!

DoreenLethal · 07/08/2016 20:24

We're just back from a fortnight in a farm in rural france. 19 of us. Mostly SIL's family, us and her friends. Nobody fell out, nobody made anyone do anything they didn't want to do, nobody argued. It was fab. It is possible but not when most of the people are being cunts.

Go pack and go home.

Ringadingdingdong · 07/08/2016 20:24

Well I'm guessing you're in it for the long haul with your DH. So I think you're going to have to try hard to find some common ground with them and attempt to rub along. You can't make excuses for every family gathering for the next 20+ years. Whilst their comments aren't nice, I suspect you're giving off vibes of thinking you're better than them and being generally a bit off.

If you go now I think the situation will only get worse and you'll feel unable to show your face at anything in the future. Thus creating a wedge between you and your DH.

What about cracking open a bottle of wine, share it round and get some conversation going. Sounds like you're all uptight around each other at the moment

Whatthefoxgoingon · 07/08/2016 20:25

Hahaha this sounds like the start of a bad rom com!

AyeAmarok · 07/08/2016 20:26

They sound very rude.

They should be trying to make you feel comfortable and welcome.