To think that they should shut the fuck up

[KatMcGee]

I don't like DH's family.

They don't like me.

We've been together for 5 years, married for 2, we live in London whilst DH's family thankfully live way up north.

I'm not the easiest person to deal with but I'm not horrid, I keep to myself, I don't really do nature or cooking or anything that takes me away from a mobile signal

DH has a massive family and every summer they all meet up at his parents property, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins which is in the middle of nowhere.

I did this once 4 years ago and I hated every bloody second of it, they go hiking at dawn, they have family sports days, which is just grown men kicking a ball around whilst the women cheer from the sidelines , tend to kids etc

I've managed to avoid it ever since but this year DH wouldn't relent and he managed to talk me into it.

It's day 2 and I'm ready to head home. It seems that all of DH's excuses over the years weren't believed and I've been assigned the role of the evil daughter in law.

Everyone keeps giving me snide comments.

They were up at dawn for their fucking hike yesterday and I crawled out of bed to join in and not be a spoilsport and I was bombarded with snide comments

SIL: "Oh dear, if you can't keep up, you shouldn't have come along"

A random aunt: "those boots look brand new, I hope you're not throwing DH's money away" I work, I earn more than DH, I don't hike, so I had to buy boots and when I told this to random aunt, she looked at MIL and said "you were right about her"

Yesterday afternoon when all the woman were cooking in the kitchen, I was in the bedroom as I can't cook but another SIL called me down and so I went down.

"Oh why'd you bring her down" said very fucking loudly by MIL "I mean she won't be much help, girl can't even cook"

I ignored her, went on my phone as they were going on about little Barnaby (not his real name) teething and not coping well with all the noise/people.

I sat their thinking, why bring a teething toddler to this mad house but kept my mouth shut.

BIL walks through the door, joins in the Barnaby talk, looks at me and says "you'll be dealing with all this soon" I pulled a face, it was a natural reaction, lasted only for a second

MIL pipes up "Oh didn't you know, Madam over there doesn't want children, she's too busy with her career" it was said with a smile but with so much fucking venom.

I smiled and said "DH, can't stand the little brats either" then bombarded DH with texts. He walked in five minutes later and I've refused to let him leave my side.

He didn't go out to the lake with all the boys this morning and sat right next to me throughout this afternoons barbecue. This has only led to more comments, if I hear one more snide remark I'm going to tell them to shut the fuck up and then leave.

I won't survive till Friday, I'm thinking of faking ill tonight and leaving in the morning but DH refuses to play along.

MrsFarm - You'd put up with snide comments for the sake of your dh?
Do you teach your children that they should put up with nasty comments for the sake of others?

Genuine question - Why do people think op is a troll i'm terrible at spotting them anyway, so I'm clueless!

Wierd Sister - the obviously make the snide comments because for 5 years she has not made any effort to spend time with his family. Of course i would not put up with being spoken to like that - they sound horrible, but she sounds just as bad.

op had dh's parents at christmas. How is that not making an effort?

desolate

"Also, I really disagree that most social events end up gender segregated, that's not my experience at all. When I've been at social events where it's happened though, it has been without exception amongst groups of people with "traditional" sexist viewpoints that men and women are just inherently different, and of course women should be in the kitchen while men are fishing, or women should be simpering on the sidelines while men show off their athletic ability. Mostly it doesn't happen, because mostly I spend time with people who see women as people rather than walking domestic appliances."

yes yes yes in spades! I can cook - rather well as it happens - but even I would decline to do so in the circumstances the OP describes. I loathe this type of segregated gathering. So weird in this day and age.

I would rather deep fry my own tits than spend a whole week with these people

That is a very....forceful way of expressing it.

I am sure thread has moved on but from opening op I cant see why op is so rude

Her dh family sound appalling, one of those comments would be utterly outrageous but all of them?

She is the odd one out here, she is the one people should be bending over to accommodate and feel welcome .
Awful I am sorry you had to go through this op.They sound frightfully rude and if they had any respect for your dh no matter how much they hate you they should be civil and polite for his sake.

I have this vision of it being like The Kennedys!

op glad u gotout sounds ghorrendous why should u be nice when they make snide coments like madam doesnt want children sh wants a career

your dh shoujld stick up for you more though sounds like a wimp

and he could have jut stayed himself or it maks it look worse on you-they will defnitely think hes under the thumb now

btw the day i stand round cooking with other women because thats what they do is the day an elephant flies out ofmy nose

I was fine that you called the children brats in context when you were being criticised by a bunch of women, who should know better. I saw it as a bit of a knee jerk reaction however unfair to the children.

Disgusted by your last comment once home that you called the children brats because children can be bratty. Now you should know better and just acted as immaturely as the women you so strongly berated.

Shame on you. In the comfort of your own home, you are the only one behaving like a brat.

Haven't read the thread but from the op you sound like a nightmare.

Tell them you're sick of the comments and you're going home.

piratefairy, op last seen happily in Hyde Park, or somewhere in the Big City

I still think that you're just as difficult OP but at least you've managed to get home I guess.

I'm glad you left. Staying would have been wrong, no group of people should be able to single out one person for abuse and get away with it. The fact that your dh had to say things like 'cut it out' or 'go easy' is proof enough that they were in the wrong.

DH goes down to see them often

You are in London and they are 'very far north' so that should be up surely?

Strange

Op I know you're home now but yanbu.

You made an effort by going hiking when you hate it, you even bought new boots fgs and only got nasty remarks.

I cannot stand these gender divisions at family gatherings, I have it with dhs family. Why should I go and wash up with the women while all the men sit on their arses?

As for the brat comment, people on here refer to kids as brats all the time, it's clearly said in jest.

Your dhs family just don't understand you because you're not just like them but reacher than just be kind they're being like this.

I thought the OP was making a general point of children being brats, not saying it about a specific child.

Weekend, Traditionally people said "up to London" regardless of where they were starting from so perhaps you can go down to the north from London?

Oh and Noah, if you can't see why women without children would use Mumsnet, you can't have read much of it......there are hundreds of threads which have absolutely nothing to do with being a parent.

Disgusted by your last comment once home that you called the children brats because children can be bratty. Now you should know better and just acted as immaturely as the women you so strongly berated.

Why would you be disgusted? We all know it's perfectly true. If you really think it isn't, Mummyoflittledragon, you're in cloud cuckoo land.

Wierd Sister - the obviously make the snide comments because for 5 years she has not made any effort to spend time with his family.

Way to go with being judgmental when you obviously haven't read the OP's posts, MrsFarm. It's only the gruesome family week she hasn't been to for four years, she's seen them at other times.

NothIng like taking my words out of context Judy . As I said, heat of the moment, fine. Out of context when op did not complain about the children during her time with dhs family, not fine.

OP didn't refer to any child as a brat. She referred to any hypothetical children belonging to her and her DH as brats as justification for not wanting their own. Might have seemed like a pointed barb as they clearly all hate each other.

*DH goes down to see them often

You are in London and they are 'very far north' so that should be up surely? confused*

Not necessarily. where I live, South is referred to as "Up" (ie "He lives Up South" or "I'm going Up South, do you want to come?". If "Down South" is used (rarely) it always means England.

Whether you're saying children can be brats in the heat of the moment or not, it's equally true either way. And I speak as one with three of my own.