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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that they should shut the fuck up

390 replies

KatMcGee · 07/08/2016 20:03

I don't like DH's family.

They don't like me.

We've been together for 5 years, married for 2, we live in London whilst DH's family thankfully live way up north.

I'm not the easiest person to deal with but I'm not horrid, I keep to myself, I don't really do nature or cooking or anything that takes me away from a mobile signal

DH has a massive family and every summer they all meet up at his parents property, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins which is in the middle of nowhere.

I did this once 4 years ago and I hated every bloody second of it, they go hiking at dawn, they have family sports days, which is just grown men kicking a ball around whilst the women cheer from the sidelines , tend to kids etc Hmm

I've managed to avoid it ever since but this year DH wouldn't relent and he managed to talk me into it.

It's day 2 and I'm ready to head home. It seems that all of DH's excuses over the years weren't believed and I've been assigned the role of the evil daughter in law.

Everyone keeps giving me snide comments.

They were up at dawn for their fucking hike yesterday and I crawled out of bed to join in and not be a spoilsport and I was bombarded with snide comments

SIL: "Oh dear, if you can't keep up, you shouldn't have come along"

A random aunt: "those boots look brand new, I hope you're not throwing DH's money away" I work, I earn more than DH, I don't hike, so I had to buy boots and when I told this to random aunt, she looked at MIL and said "you were right about her"

Yesterday afternoon when all the woman were cooking in the kitchen, I was in the bedroom as I can't cook but another SIL called me down and so I went down.

"Oh why'd you bring her down" said very fucking loudly by MIL "I mean she won't be much help, girl can't even cook"

I ignored her, went on my phone as they were going on about little Barnaby (not his real name) teething and not coping well with all the noise/people.

I sat their thinking, why bring a teething toddler to this mad house but kept my mouth shut.

BIL walks through the door, joins in the Barnaby talk, looks at me and says "you'll be dealing with all this soon" I pulled a face, it was a natural reaction, lasted only for a second

MIL pipes up "Oh didn't you know, Madam over there doesn't want children, she's too busy with her career" it was said with a smile but with so much fucking venom.

I smiled and said "DH, can't stand the little brats either" then bombarded DH with texts. He walked in five minutes later and I've refused to let him leave my side.

He didn't go out to the lake with all the boys this morning and sat right next to me throughout this afternoons barbecue. This has only led to more comments, if I hear one more snide remark I'm going to tell them to shut the fuck up and then leave.

I won't survive till Friday, I'm thinking of faking ill tonight and leaving in the morning but DH refuses to play along.

OP posts:
YorkieDorkie · 07/08/2016 21:03

So they all cook in the kitchen and you just stick yourself in the bedroom by yourself?
You make your DH make up excuses to why you've missed the last few years.
You STILL want to fake it to get away from them with an "illness".
You refer to children as little brats just after discussing your MILs grandkids.
You sit on your phone and refuse to let DH bond with his family.

If I was your MIL I'd be so fed up with you and tell you to piss off myself.

TrivialPursuit · 07/08/2016 21:04

I feel extremely sorry for your DH. If you leave now without him, he'll either have to lie about why you left (and probably not be believed), or tell the truth and have a huge argument with his family.
If you both go, then everyone will say he's under your thumb, and it will be a million times harder to overcome their prejudices about you.

If you both stay, then he'll have a miserable week trying but failing to pacify you and his family.

Is there any way that you could join in the way they want you to for half a day and then have an emergency at work that you have to go back for but there's no point in your DH going to as you'll be out at work etc., etc?

SauvignonPlonker · 07/08/2016 21:04

Urgh, that sounds hell. A week is too long. If you can stick it out for another 24hrs, then go.

HackAttack · 07/08/2016 21:06

If you were my oh, sitting with a face on and mucking about on your phone I'd have told you to fuck off home and would be rethinking the relationship.

Thelaundrylady · 07/08/2016 21:07

Do what SpaceDinosaur said - brilliant advice

BillSykesDog · 07/08/2016 21:09

You're being really, really unfair to your DH not even attempting to make an effort. It's disrespectful. I would put money on it that you're headed for divorce.

Catsize · 07/08/2016 21:12

You are being paid to be there - you seemingly have paid annual leave.

You are doing it for your DH, who won't be enjoying this as you are no doubt moaning a lot to him about the whole thing.

I admit they have been rude, but they are probably at the end of their tether with a precious princess who acts about 14.

sooperdooper · 07/08/2016 21:12

If you were my oh, sitting with a face on and mucking about on your phone I'd have told you to fuck off home and would be rethinking the relationship

This, if my DH behaved this way I would be utterly livid and embarrassed

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 21:13

How on earth is she not making an effort?
Confused at people assuming DH will divorce her

user7755 · 07/08/2016 21:14

Hack - me too. It sounds like you're a big earner OP, so presumably you have had to forge relationships with people you don't like for work purposes? So you know how to do it? You decided based on one experience from what I can see, that you would hate this experience and this avoided it for years so of course they're going to view you negatively, you've made it clear that you don't like them and then you sit staring at your phone rather than engaging with them.

You don't like the family traditions, but they're important to the family. Just being a little humble and admitting that you're struggling and asking for advice or help would help I bet. But I don't think you want to do that, I think you want to feel that you are right in your indignant difference to your in-laws and never have to engage with such awful people again.

Motherwithflaws · 07/08/2016 21:14

That sounds like my idea of hell. I'd go home, if dh wants to stay, that's fine. But I'd not go again!

Isetan · 07/08/2016 21:14

I'm sorry but your H doesn't sound like a darling to me. He knows his family don't like you and you them, so pestering you to spend time with them was all about him pretending and not being real. Oh and not 'letting you go alone' is a ploy to effectively emotional blackmail you into staying and being miserable. Hook you're big girl pants up and leave or suck it up with a view to never doing it again.

When you return to London, have a chat about the reality of the situation vs your H's hopes because this situation is more about your H accepting you and his family differences, than you and his family accepting yours.

justilou · 07/08/2016 21:16

Do you know where the car keys are? Leave... Go home... Have a hot bath and a glass of wine and feel smug knowing that they're living small lives with nothing better to do than bitch about you. I'd leave hubby there to deal with the consequences..... Perhaps a parting shot could be something along the lines of "Thank you for the miserable time... Please don't invite me again."

Doublemint · 07/08/2016 21:16

I'd totally leave and go enjoy the rest of my leave.

You do sound a bit anti social and possibly rude, but that seems like a reaction to how shockingly rudely you've been spoken to/about. The fact that you and sil2 get along shows that it's not 100% you being a rude or selfish person. His family are bullying and belittling you and you aren't playing along. Good for you!
And wtf should she help with dinner if half the party aren't just because she's got a vagina? Hmm And it sounds like sitting alone in a crowd (again) in the garden with the penises didn't sound appealing either and I can't say I blame her.
Please PLEASE tell us if you explain to the lot of themexactly why you're leaving OP. I really think you should let them know they can't speak to you like this again

cosytoaster · 07/08/2016 21:16

Which bit of the North are you in OP? Just want to see if this fits in with a theory my ILs have

Plaintalkin · 07/08/2016 21:16

You haven't given it your best have you? Yes you've gone but you've done it with poor grace. You don't know them but you're not even trying with your phone in your hand .

I'm sure you don't like them at the mo , and it's hard to like a begrudgingly sulky woman who avoids them.

So either get your big girl panties on , ditch your phone and paste one smile and try and get on with them OR pack and go home and confirm what they think.

Your choice.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/08/2016 21:17

*I'm sorry but your H doesn't sound like a darling to me. He knows his family don't like you and you them, so pestering you to spend time with them was all about him pretending and not being real. Oh and not 'letting you go alone' is a ploy to effectively emotional blackmail you into staying and being miserable. Hook you're big girl pants up and leave or suck it up with a view to never doing it again.

When you return to London, have a chat about the reality of the situation vs your H's hopes because this situation is more about your H accepting you and his family differences, than you and his family accepting yours.*

^^ Bingo

Chickoletta · 07/08/2016 21:19

You might be doing everything they want you to do but you're doing it with really bad grace. I think it sounds like you're all behaving badly.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 07/08/2016 21:19

Sorry OP, you sound like a lot of hard work. I'm a teensy bit siding with your in laws here.
I think their values are more in keeping with mine FWIW.
Could you forgo the techy stuff and embrace nature and all the wonderful things it has to offer for just a few days?
You never know you really night grow to enjoy it.

ADishBestEatenCold · 07/08/2016 21:19

"Hahaha this sounds like the start of a bad rom com!"

Starring Sarah Jessica Parker.

PacificDogwod · 07/08/2016 21:20

I hope you are on your way to a spa now Grin

I loved spacedragon's advice - so lovely straightforward, nothing snide or underhand about it; brilliant.

You do start your OP with "I don't' like DH's family" and I think they must have found your behaviour irritating, just like you did theirs. Much better to have it all out in the open.

I think your DH has to rethink his need to drag you along to these things and allow you to stay well clear - better for everybody involved.

FinderofNeedles · 07/08/2016 21:21

His family must be wondering what he sees in you. You are not making yourself very likable.

It costs nothing to hand out a few compliments:
"Wow, you chop fast! If I did that I'd have no fingers left! How did you learn to do that?"
"That looks/smells lovely, I'll bet it looks/smells even better once it's cooked!"

Remember they'e all known your DH longer than you have. Pump them for info:
"What was his favourite food when he was a child?"
"What's the daftest/scariest/sweetest/most annoying thing he ever did?"

If all else fails, do the washing up / drying. If that doesn't endear you to them, nothing else you ever do will.

foreverclockwatching · 07/08/2016 21:21

Have been here myself, DH family not too keen on me as am a) not a 'country girl' b) not from Wales and c) 'a bit foreign' (grew up abroad). After nearly 8 years we tolerate eachother reasonably well and I go along with the things that they want to do as we don't see them that often. Still get snide comments about decisions we make that they don't like but I ignore and the casual racism has (in my presence at least) stopped. I let it be known fairly early on that I am a big reader and have to read as part of my job, if they get too much I go off with a book for a break and this is seen as acceptable as it is 'work' related. Oh and we never stay for more than 3 nights with any one section of family apart from SIL who is great.

justcheese · 07/08/2016 21:22

A while back another poster on MN used the phrase 'fuckity bye now'. I've not had the opportunity to use it as yet, but would if i were in your situation OP, it would be followed by a cheery wave as i drove off at top speed!

I do hope you're on your way back to reality land as I type.

ovosmexidos · 07/08/2016 21:22

"They were up at dawn for their fucking hike yesterday and I crawled out of bed to join in and not be a spoilsport"

Christ almighty, I know teenagers who would whine less than you do.

Oh no, you had to get up early!! Oh my God, you had to walk!! Woe is you.

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