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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not have enjoyed our wedding day?

190 replies

HeCantBeSerious · 07/08/2016 18:28

We're in couples therapy at the moment. We've a "disconnect" around our wedding anniversary - DH wants to celebrate it; I just want it to be just another day. When I think back to our wedding day the strongest memories are:

  • seeing my sister (we hadn't spoken for 3 or 4 years until that day)
  • DH's brother (usher) turning up with a fat lip and a black eye after a fight a few nights before
  • none of the ushers (DH's brothers) doing what we asked them to do so missing things we'd wanted to happen
  • best man being incapable of getting DH to the venue so DH had to find his own way there
  • best man arriving as my car pulled up at the venue (and i was 20 mins late)
  • best man leaving his speech at the hotel
  • crying as I walked up the aisle
  • several babies screaming through our vows (as the ushers didn't do as asked and ask them to step outside)
  • neither of DH's parents speaking to me all day
  • my only grandparent refusing to come outside for photos
  • DH's grandparents suddenly deciding they didn't want the food they'd chosen before the wedding and demanding something else be made specifically for them as the food was served
  • nobody offering to buy me a drink (DH was bought several)
  • my only bridesmaid had met a bloke at a club the week before and instead of bringing him to the evening do she left without saying anything
  • DH wanting to stay at the venue until every other guest had left (3am - I was shattered)
  • DH's parents being unhappy that a distant relative had turned down her invite so they arrived at the hotel at 9am the morning after the wedding to collect DH and took him to the relative's house for the day, leaving me alone.

On their own most of these are pretty minor, but all together they make a pretty unhappy memory for me that I don't feel like celebrating. I don't really like seeing photos or being reminded of the day more than 10 years later. DH doesn't understand and thinks I should find those things funny. Hmm

I'm not BU L, am I?

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 07/08/2016 22:42

Oh OP YANBU but you would be if you let this carry on for another 10 years your husband and your Inlaws sound bloody awful.

Honestly I'd ditch the couples therapy and I'd be instructing a divorce lawyer,you have one life don't let that one life be wasted on these awful people,start living your life for you not them and you'll feel alot happier.

Dutchcourage · 07/08/2016 22:42

8 months of therapy and I still don't know what i want

You do op and I don't think it's with him.

This is one of those relationships where they just limp on, nothing really bad enough for you to say 'right that's it I'm leaving' ever happens so you just - limp on.

It sounds like you have been swallowed up in every one else's 'needs' and priorities and your just there making sure the kids are happy, he's happy...every fucker else is happy and no one is making you a priority.

Not sure what your going to do with regards to financial issues (may have missed some posts) but something has got to give otherwise your going to go crazy.

You deserve better. Don't become some ones bitter wife because of years of him being a dick head

Dutchcourage · 07/08/2016 22:45

Seems like silver has her own issues she is bringing to the thread Confused

Lweji · 07/08/2016 22:51

Only you can decide. Either way, don't expect him to suddenly considering your feelings.

You can walk away from it all, or you can change your attitude of making it work for everyone. Perhaps there are other options but going along with his decisions and getting angry is certainly not working for you.
Both options are hard and require you to stand up for yourself and put yourself first. He is certainly not looking out for your best interests, nor of the children it seems. You'll have to, as hard as it may be.

Look up how it would work financially and start working on a leaving plan.

It would be great if he changed and you could love him again, but it's understandable that at some point it's quite difficult or impossible, even if he suddenly did a 180º turn.

What do you think would be or is your breaking point?

HeddaLettuce · 07/08/2016 22:58

Yes, you're being unreasonable. It was one day, a decade ago. Why are you so obsessed with it?

CruCru · 07/08/2016 23:19

Hi OP

I think that you need to decide what it is that you want from these threads. Is it permission to divorce your husband? You have it. Is it sympathy for being unhappy?

HeCantBeSerious · 07/08/2016 23:22

Just wider perspective, I think. I'm spending so much of my time "in my own head" or under the microscope that I don't know what's normal anymore.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 07/08/2016 23:46

this isnt about the wedding this is about your dh and his family

has this been the way it is for ten yhears?

if he hasnt changed i dont think therapy is going to help-i know u like your house it doesnt mean you'll necessarily have to leave it though

tell him u wont be there when the inlaws come and he can look after themhimself

Andro · 08/08/2016 00:16

I don't know what's normal anymore.

Normal is your your dh really hearing you when you tell him there's a problem.
Normal is feeling valued.
Normal is knowing that you're loved and appreciated.
Normal is two way dialogue and joint decision making.
Normal is mutual respect.

What you are existing in is not normal, healthy or a good example to your dc.

Sceptimum · 08/08/2016 01:41

Op, I wish I could take you out for a bottle of gin and a bloody good ranting session, that sounds awful.

boo2410 · 08/08/2016 10:31

OP, I know you love your home, but your home is not necessarily a happy one. Wherever you and your children are WILL be a happy home. If you are happy they will be. I'm not saying your children are not happy now but they will be happier. Go down to your local council and talk to them. With children you will have priority need for housing (I am in housing) and although it might not be the home you envisaged for yourself it will be YOUR home. If you are worried you might not be able to afford it you can apply for Housing Benefit to help. Alternatively is there any way you could afford to stay in your current house if your husband left.

Sit down and talk to your DH, it should be you and him against the world. He should have your back and you his. If you think it's gone too far for that then sort out what's best for your kids.

HeCantBeSerious · 08/08/2016 10:43

The financial complexity is because there's too much (on paper anyway). Nobody would (or should) qualify for any assistance.

OP posts:
Lweji · 08/08/2016 10:48

Regarding finances, you can start making a list, add things up, and eventually give it to an accountant to sort out. I wouldn't get bogged down for the sake of small items or sums.
And before you know it, it would be done.
As for the house, perhaps you could ask for the children to live in it until they are adults, or at least until the worst part of the divorce was completed.

But the most important part is deciding what you want. The rest will just follow.

What is the boundary that you feel must be crossed for you to take that step. Do you think this weekend is it?

ollieplimsoles · 08/08/2016 10:58

Op, I really hope you find the strength and clarity you need to leave this relationship.

You are not happy, he's not giving you what you want at all and if you carry on you will look back in tens years time even more miserable and think 'i should have left then'

Is there any way you can bite the bullet and stay with someone else or ask him to move out to his mums since he spends so much time around her anyway ?

Is it really undoable re: Finances?

Flowers Flowers Flowers

logosthecat · 08/08/2016 11:04

OP, I think I understand how you feel.

I had a wedding that wasn't at all what I wanted. I still feel sad about it now when I am feeling low. It wasn't that I had a real nightmare of a day, more that it wasn't really what I wanted. For a variety of complicated reasons that I won't bore you with here, it became something purely functional that lacked the 'magic' that I wanted so much to have. I really didn't feel like it was about me at all, but about everyone else's behaviour and needs. (This was not about money, for the record, but a complex situation with socially anxious parents and very difficult PIL).

The difference is that I am absolutely delighted to be married. I use my wedding anniversary as a way of celebrating the union itself, not the wedding day. The moment itself is gone, and will never come back again, and it is pointless feeling negative about it because it won't make the time come back. What I can do, however, is to celebrating being married as a state, to have fun thinking about the aspects of our union that I really enjoy and appreciate. I try to do things that we can enjoy together, that give us real quality of time, like a night away at a posh hotel with a romantic dinner.

I wonder if perhaps separating those things out might help you as well? If you don't see anything at all to celebrate in your marriage, then that is a very sad state of affairs indeed, and perhaps a sign that a relationship has run its course and the wedding is just a symbol of that. If you do see things in your partner and your marriage that you want to show appreciation for, then shifting attention away from the day all those years ago to the things in the present that you feel fortunate for might help. It's not that you're forgetting the hurt, you're just celebrating something much bigger than one day.

logosthecat · 08/08/2016 11:05

Sorry, that post is really badly written! I hope what I meant to say comes over. I am VERY tired this morning.

Dbsparkles · 08/08/2016 11:22

Silverbat are you being deliberately obtuse??

OP I really hope you find the strength to leave as you sound desperately unhappy. X

ohfourfoxache · 10/08/2016 09:39

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you Op x

HeCantBeSerious · 10/08/2016 10:04

Thank you. We had quite a nice evening last night and managed to have a chat about "the weekend". Not resolved but at least no row. It's not enough in the long term but it does feel a little bit better today.

OP posts:
Lweji · 10/08/2016 10:54

Sorry, but does "not resolved" mean?
Does that mean he's standing his ground, but you managed to tell him you're not happy?

HeCantBeSerious · 10/08/2016 11:22

Not resolved in that he still wants to do what he wants and I've told him, clearly and calmly, why that isn't fair on me or DC and that I won't be accommodating it. He's thinking about how he can compromise (while checking whether they're actually coming).

OP posts:
Lweji · 10/08/2016 11:27

How is that making you feel better?

What will you do if you're still dumped with MIL and his granddad while he goes to the festival?

boo2410 · 10/08/2016 11:29

At least he's thinking (hopefully) of a compromise. Would you be happy with that?

Lweji · 10/08/2016 11:37

Has he actually said what the compromise would be?

For me it sounds like stalling tactics (as usual) to keep you going until you have no room to maneuver.

You are already saying you feel happier about it, because it sounds like he's listening to you. But, have his actions shown that he is?

Sorry to sound negative about this, but it's this cycle that has kept you going in a miserable relationship so far, and kept you accommodating him. This should be where you break the cycle.

HeCantBeSerious · 10/08/2016 11:40

I'm open minded about it. He seemed to listen to why it's a problem for me and that it's not actually my responsibility to make the weekend work. I've told him the things I want the kids to have available to them that weekend and not be stuck say somewhere with immobile grandad. He needs to make the arrangements for sleeping and eating. He did seem to get it and why I was saying it.

OP posts:
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