OP, I think I understand how you feel.
I had a wedding that wasn't at all what I wanted. I still feel sad about it now when I am feeling low. It wasn't that I had a real nightmare of a day, more that it wasn't really what I wanted. For a variety of complicated reasons that I won't bore you with here, it became something purely functional that lacked the 'magic' that I wanted so much to have. I really didn't feel like it was about me at all, but about everyone else's behaviour and needs. (This was not about money, for the record, but a complex situation with socially anxious parents and very difficult PIL).
The difference is that I am absolutely delighted to be married. I use my wedding anniversary as a way of celebrating the union itself, not the wedding day. The moment itself is gone, and will never come back again, and it is pointless feeling negative about it because it won't make the time come back. What I can do, however, is to celebrating being married as a state, to have fun thinking about the aspects of our union that I really enjoy and appreciate. I try to do things that we can enjoy together, that give us real quality of time, like a night away at a posh hotel with a romantic dinner.
I wonder if perhaps separating those things out might help you as well? If you don't see anything at all to celebrate in your marriage, then that is a very sad state of affairs indeed, and perhaps a sign that a relationship has run its course and the wedding is just a symbol of that. If you do see things in your partner and your marriage that you want to show appreciation for, then shifting attention away from the day all those years ago to the things in the present that you feel fortunate for might help. It's not that you're forgetting the hurt, you're just celebrating something much bigger than one day.