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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I am not a welcome guest?

265 replies

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:24

so, we left organising our family holiday until the last minute, because we were expecting extra funds which took a long time getting to us. In fact we finally got them on Friday.

If they had arrived last month (which was when we were expecting them) we would have probably booked our first foreign family holiday (children are 10, 12 and 18, so rather overdue!), but they didn't, so we didn't. When it was clear that wasn't going to be an option we then planned to go camping near to where my parent live. However, their continued non-arrival meant we had to cancel that plan too. When I phoned my parents to let them know, my Mum said "Your dad said, why not come and camp in our garden?". We can't stay in their house as my mother has a guest already. OK. It's an idea - we have camped in their garden before.

My sister also offers to put us up - but she has a two up two down (with two children and a dog (and I understand no hot water or flushing loos)) but crucially she is suggesting we sleep in her bedroom and she sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I am not desperately happy about the idea of putting her out of her bed on our behalf. So I was planning on sending the youngest two children over there (10 and 12, so not weenys), putting the 18 year old to sleep in mum and dad's shed, and for dh and I to sleep in Mum and Dad's garden, in a tent. Not ideal, but it is doable, because it is only for a couple of nights.

It is worth mentioning at this point that Mum was quite put out when we said we weren't camping after all and may not be able to come, as she was planning a "family lunch" one of the days so we could all see her guest (very old family friend - I haven't seen her for about 15 years).

Anyway - I said to my mum today "I was wondering if we could have a BBQ on Monday - or would you prefer us to buzz off and eat elsewhere?". She said - "Sorry, I would rather you didn't come round for supper." Now - whilst it is not a huge big deal, it has really underlined to me the fact she really doesn't want my family over there at all (other than to parade in front of her friend at her "family lunch". So I really think we should be trying to find somewhere else to stay. I'm right, aren't I?

That said - I am worried about all of us descending upon my poor sister. I was happier at the idea of us all camping out in her sitting room, but I don't think she is going to let us. I think we are going to have to take her bedroom. I think she is a bit embarrassed by her sitting room, and I am a bit embarrassed to take her room. So I am not sure what to do.

PS the unwelcome guest is at my mum's - I don't think I am unwelcome at my sisters, but I feel embarrassed to put her to so much hassle...

OP posts:
HugItOut · 07/08/2016 20:22

Xpost. Great news about the youth hostel.

Cocolepew · 07/08/2016 20:23

I think some people have been a bit harsh. The only holidays I had as a child was coming to NI to stay with my Gran, and to see the family . We came every year and I loved it.
Not everyone can afford holidays, the only ones that my DDs have been on my parents paid for.

HemanOrSheRa · 07/08/2016 20:23

X post. Enjoy your break Oak.

Waltermittythesequel · 07/08/2016 20:23

You tell them there isn't enough room.

Then buy yourself a dress with your money. There's no harm in treating yourself.

Sounds like you need to make a plan that suits your needs, stick to it and allow other people to be on board or not as they see fit.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/08/2016 20:23

Ok so you've booked the holiday. Can't you go and stay with cousins as well for a couple of nights?

Balletblue · 07/08/2016 20:24

Enjoy your break. I hope you all have a lovely time.

Coconutty · 07/08/2016 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 20:32

WalterMitty -- the dress isn't for me. I make them to order, and an order has JUST come in. Timing is everything. My timing is clearly rubbish this week.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 07/08/2016 20:37

Dartmoor is lovely and the weather forecast next week is pretty good. Have a great time. You won't please everybody, all the time, so try not to let it get you down Smile

dotdotdotmustdash · 07/08/2016 20:39

Can't you fill the car with camping gear and youngest child, then put 18 + 12 yrs old on a train/bus to meet you at your destination? A couple of hours journey should be far enough to feel like a holiday and not a big deal for the independent travellers.

CodyKing · 07/08/2016 20:42

Do people really not think staying with family is a holiday

Have you read MN?

Have you and DH never had a couple holiday or honeymoon?

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 20:43

Oh. I have made my sister's children cry too. bangs head on wall

Although they are coming to stay with us in 2 weeks, so it is not like they won't see one another.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 20:45

Cody - yes, we have. We had the honeymoon before we had children. And stayed in a cottage in Scotland, so you are right, we didn';t camp then. I forgot. We have been Youth Hostelling a few times too. I forgot those as well.

I did sit here thinking "I must have been somewhere other than camping and family, but at the time nothing came to mind.

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 07/08/2016 20:46

Have a great time. There are loads of activities organised by the youth hostel too. I love the gorge scrambling.

We went to the otter sanctuary near launceston the other week and that was really good.

Okehampton show is on Thursday this week too.

TaLLyHOnellie · 07/08/2016 20:48

I actually think you sound hard work. Your parents offered you their garden even though they already had a guest. They want you to be all together so are doing a meal.

You then give your Mum the choice of having you to another meal or not and she says not.

I really don't see the issue here. If you were not welcome then they would not have offered their garden in the first place.

Staying at your sisters sounds awful - no toilets?? I do not think that it is fair on anyone to impose when they don't have the room without major upheaval.

ADishBestEatenCold · 07/08/2016 20:49

I'm maybe a bit late with this idea, Oakmaiden, as I see you've booked a Youth Hostel for a couple of night, but have you thought about hiring a van for the five days?

A quick google showed quite a few special offers on, with nationwide companies (one just £16 a day), so you could possible hire a bog-standard van with two rows of seats (the kind you might use for a DIY move or whatever).

Throw your camping gear in the back (I saw on one of your posts that you do have the gear, just no transport) and you have the added advantage of having somewhere to sleep the younger children if the weather's rainy.

You could stop off at your sister's (but have the van and camping gear for extra space) and perhaps have a couple of nights on a site, too.

NightWanderer · 07/08/2016 20:51

Honestly, people on MN don't know you or your family. If your kids and sister's kids were looking forward to them staying over then why not do that?

Talk to your mum again and try and get a feel for things. Perhaps your son can stay in the "shed" and you and your husband can youth hostel?

Just sit and have a cup of tea or something and think about what you all want to do and what's feasible.

MN is great for advice, but it's just advice, you don't have to take it.

Dishevelled09 · 07/08/2016 20:52

I hate booking holidays, dread it. Trying to keep everyone happy is hard but remember it's your holiday as well as the rest of the family and driving an Aygo with a family in plus luggage let alone camping stuff sounds a nightmare. There is no reason why you can't enjoy a bit of time at the hostel, I think it sounds great and your kids will have loads to do. Worked my socks off this year so we can get away abroad but not everyone is happy, 1 member of the family doesn't enjoy the heat, I hate packing, swollen feet after the flight, chasing the kids slapping high factor sun cream on and security at the airports. We did caravan holidays for years when the kids were younger and know what, I bloody loved those times and the memories plus we were feeding back into the the economy.

Please be a bit selfish and enjoy your time away.

EssexMummy1234 · 07/08/2016 21:06

OP - sounds like you are having a bit of a trying time right now, I just wanted to suggest as well as the two nights in the YH could you look into free camping (google micro-adventures) for the other couple of nights? you might not have your own camping stove, but do you need one? try freecycle if you really do but surely a disposable BBQ £2 from tesco and some cereal and long-life milk would do, take a couple of sleeping bags and sleep under the stars - ok maybe take a couple of tarpaulins in case it rains but it could be a fun adventure for the kids and needn't cost anything.

Chickoletta · 07/08/2016 21:13

If I knew for sure that the funds were coming I'd have stuck the holiday on a credit card and then paid it off ASAP. This sounds awful - you'd be better off staying at home IMO.

Larrytheleprechaun · 07/08/2016 21:15

Oakmaiden you have had some arsehole-ish replies on this thread. We never got a holiday as kids and we survived (In fact I have NEVER been on a sun holiday). Don't beat yourself up over the small stuff. Some people just like to be offended, so you just please yourselves. Go with your little family and enjoy your few days. Use your little windfall for spending money and have a blast.

DietCockBreak · 07/08/2016 21:26

I'd have stayed with the sister. She invited you all because she wanted to spend time with you all, if it was an imposition she wouldn't have asked. Sending 2 kids to stay with her instead of all staying there would be a bit bloody rude imo - no you can't have my company but you can babysit 2 of my kids instead! That's not the same amount of fun for her as having you all to stay.

DietCockBreak · 07/08/2016 21:27

I hope you have a fab time though, the holiday sounds fab to me.

Artandco · 07/08/2016 21:44

I don't understand how your mum would have had space for all 5 for you, but now she has 1 friend staying, there's no space at all? Where do all 5 of you usually fit? Couldn't 4 of you still fitted in or all 5 at a squeeze anyway?

Clayhead · 07/08/2016 21:45

I'm confused about the car! How do five of you fit in an Aygo? My dsis has one and it only has four seats.

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