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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I am not a welcome guest?

265 replies

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:24

so, we left organising our family holiday until the last minute, because we were expecting extra funds which took a long time getting to us. In fact we finally got them on Friday.

If they had arrived last month (which was when we were expecting them) we would have probably booked our first foreign family holiday (children are 10, 12 and 18, so rather overdue!), but they didn't, so we didn't. When it was clear that wasn't going to be an option we then planned to go camping near to where my parent live. However, their continued non-arrival meant we had to cancel that plan too. When I phoned my parents to let them know, my Mum said "Your dad said, why not come and camp in our garden?". We can't stay in their house as my mother has a guest already. OK. It's an idea - we have camped in their garden before.

My sister also offers to put us up - but she has a two up two down (with two children and a dog (and I understand no hot water or flushing loos)) but crucially she is suggesting we sleep in her bedroom and she sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I am not desperately happy about the idea of putting her out of her bed on our behalf. So I was planning on sending the youngest two children over there (10 and 12, so not weenys), putting the 18 year old to sleep in mum and dad's shed, and for dh and I to sleep in Mum and Dad's garden, in a tent. Not ideal, but it is doable, because it is only for a couple of nights.

It is worth mentioning at this point that Mum was quite put out when we said we weren't camping after all and may not be able to come, as she was planning a "family lunch" one of the days so we could all see her guest (very old family friend - I haven't seen her for about 15 years).

Anyway - I said to my mum today "I was wondering if we could have a BBQ on Monday - or would you prefer us to buzz off and eat elsewhere?". She said - "Sorry, I would rather you didn't come round for supper." Now - whilst it is not a huge big deal, it has really underlined to me the fact she really doesn't want my family over there at all (other than to parade in front of her friend at her "family lunch". So I really think we should be trying to find somewhere else to stay. I'm right, aren't I?

That said - I am worried about all of us descending upon my poor sister. I was happier at the idea of us all camping out in her sitting room, but I don't think she is going to let us. I think we are going to have to take her bedroom. I think she is a bit embarrassed by her sitting room, and I am a bit embarrassed to take her room. So I am not sure what to do.

PS the unwelcome guest is at my mum's - I don't think I am unwelcome at my sisters, but I feel embarrassed to put her to so much hassle...

OP posts:
pillowaddict · 07/08/2016 18:36

Sounds like not a great family holiday for you or your dc! Could you find a nearby campsite and go and visit your sister for the day, leave your parents to it as they're being so unwelcome, and have a break where you suit yourself? 2-3 man tents can be picked up in supermarkets for around £20 if you need more space than you have.

Although is it just the timing that has made the holiday non-foreign as opposed to lack of funds (you say they took a long time getting to you, not if they were less than expected?) because if you're flexible with dates and location I'm sure you could pick up a cheap week away that would be much nicer than staying in the garden of a house where you're not welcome!

gamerchick · 07/08/2016 18:38

I know, imagine someone asking your bairn how his holiday was and he tells them he slept in his nannas shed? Howay man that sucks.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:39

Well, it is a holiday, in as much as we are not at home and going out in the day doing fun things. And we would have been spending most days with my sister and her family anyway.

But despite them offering, I don't think my parents (mum) really want us there. Which I'm not cross about - we stay there often, it is just a timing thing. But I don't think she does want us there.

My sister I think is happy to have us. I think. But I feel it will really put her out. So I'm not sure we should do it.

I think I have left it too late really to organise a proper holiday, even camping. It's not just a matter of booking a camp site - our car isn't big enough for all of us and anything but the barest minimum of luggage, so my middle plan involved my dad transporting his tent and camping stuff to the campsite for us to borrow. And When I thought we wouldn't have the money in time I obviously said for him not to bother now. We were only going to need the tent in his garden. I don't want to make him go digging around for the other camping stuff when they have a guest.

I'm not sure what to do. It is Devon in the middle of the summer holidays, so I don't think I am going to get anything reasonably priced. Gah.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 07/08/2016 18:40

No, I wouldn't feel welcome at your mother's now either Sad. And I sure as hell wouldn't be amenable to being paraded either. Is this normal behaviour for your mother, or is she feeling pressure from her guest (for a quiet time, just the two of them)?

Regardless, the funds came through on Friday - book a holiday! Some of my best holidays have been arranged at the last minute.

OnlyHereForTheCamping · 07/08/2016 18:41

Just go to your mothers, she was probably having an off day or something

Amelie10 · 07/08/2016 18:42

Why would you want to sleep in the tent in the garden? And have your son in a shed? That's not a holiday at all.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:42

Its not really a shed. It is a summer house. I dunno why I said shed. My parents garden is split into about 5 different parts, and the shed summer house is right down the far end. When we camp there we normally put the tent in the walled garden, which leaves it out of sight of the main two lawns and the veranda. (Tis quite a big garden).

OP posts:
DesolateWaist · 07/08/2016 18:44

That is no sort of holiday at all. Holidays involve more than just sleeping in a different bed.

I agree with others, look online for a last minute deal, I be you could get something great. Failing that I'm sure you would get a last minute mobile home or self catering cottage.

TheGruffaloMother · 07/08/2016 18:45

Isn't a summer house just a shed with a window?

CoolCarrie · 07/08/2016 18:45

At least have a look for a caravan or something. This all sounds very complicated and not a relaxing holiday break for anyone envolved!
Farming your dc out isnt ideal at all. And if your ds lacks basic stuff re toilet etc, it isnt going to be fun at all.

pictish · 07/08/2016 18:45

Go to a campsite fgs...all this business of some of you here and some of you there sounds awful.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:45

I think we have different ideas of what holidays are! To me holidays are times to spend with the people I care about and do fun things that I don't normally do. We are planning on spending at least one night tarpingon Dartmoor when we are there too...

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 07/08/2016 18:45

Seeing as the money is through, can't you look at last minute holidays either here or abroad? You may find a bargain. This sounds like a nightmare, not a holiday.

Amelie10 · 07/08/2016 18:47

I think holidays also mean the same to most people. Just not roughing it out in a tent in someone's garden. There must be plenty of last minute good deals now?

BastardGoDarkly · 07/08/2016 18:48

Ok, so get a b&b?!

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:48

cross posted with a few there. We could all go to my sister's, but it just feels like an imposition. She visits us regularly, of course, but we have more room than she does.

Flip side is, if I say we are not going there, with her having offered, and hire somewhere instead, then she is probably going to feel offended.

I have made such a mess of things. I should have just said no when my mum said "But we want you to come down because we are having this lunch".

OP posts:
TheGruffaloMother · 07/08/2016 18:48

If you need the loo in the middle of the night are you going to have to wake your parents up to get into the house?

Sorry OP but I really feel the need to stress that staying somewhere that isn't your own bed for a few nights doesn't mean you're on holiday. Especially if the people you're trying to stay with can't practically accommodate you.

Floggingmolly · 07/08/2016 18:49

Do they live in a touristy area? Confused. What possible reason would you have for spending your holiday in a tent in your mum's garden, with one of your children in the shed?!!

Surely most 18yo's would flatly refuse to go...
In fact; a free house at home would be far more appealing.

thisisafakename · 07/08/2016 18:53

Have you definitely checked all the last minute offers abroad? Because I think you would get a much better price now than had you booked a month ago. As long as you have passports and are willing to be a bit flexible about the country, you could be chilling on the beach the day after tomorrow (or whenever you want to go).

Camping in your mum's garden doesn't really sound fun. Well, not compared to the South of France, Greece, Italy, Bulgaria (wherever you want to go).

Coconutty · 07/08/2016 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:54

They do live in a touristy area.

And the 18 year old suggested the shed himself. He likes staying in it. It is like a little house.

They leave the door unlocked for us... the dog would bark if anyone came near the house who he wasn't expecting.

Anyway, now I have absolutely no idea what to do. Fucking hate my life.

OP posts:
Onamissionfor2015 · 07/08/2016 18:55

You sound like very hard work (sorry)

I hate to have people camping in my garden even if they were family and I can't get my head around anyone thinking that was a " holiday"

I would go with the last min holiday abroad idea, if your eldest is 18 it might be the last chance for you all to get a holiday abroad together. The "Holiday pirates" page on Facebook usually has good last minute deals

Onamissionfor2015 · 07/08/2016 18:55

You sound like very hard work (sorry)

I hate to have people camping in my garden even if they were family and I can't get my head around anyone thinking that was a " holiday"

I would go with the last min holiday abroad idea, if your eldest is 18 it might be the last chance for you all to get a holiday abroad together. The "Holiday pirates" page on Facebook usually has good last minute deals

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:55

We won't be going abroad now. Definitely not.

OP posts:
DesolateWaist · 07/08/2016 18:57

Why not though Oak. If you all have passports then there is no good reason.

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