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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I am not a welcome guest?

265 replies

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:24

so, we left organising our family holiday until the last minute, because we were expecting extra funds which took a long time getting to us. In fact we finally got them on Friday.

If they had arrived last month (which was when we were expecting them) we would have probably booked our first foreign family holiday (children are 10, 12 and 18, so rather overdue!), but they didn't, so we didn't. When it was clear that wasn't going to be an option we then planned to go camping near to where my parent live. However, their continued non-arrival meant we had to cancel that plan too. When I phoned my parents to let them know, my Mum said "Your dad said, why not come and camp in our garden?". We can't stay in their house as my mother has a guest already. OK. It's an idea - we have camped in their garden before.

My sister also offers to put us up - but she has a two up two down (with two children and a dog (and I understand no hot water or flushing loos)) but crucially she is suggesting we sleep in her bedroom and she sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I am not desperately happy about the idea of putting her out of her bed on our behalf. So I was planning on sending the youngest two children over there (10 and 12, so not weenys), putting the 18 year old to sleep in mum and dad's shed, and for dh and I to sleep in Mum and Dad's garden, in a tent. Not ideal, but it is doable, because it is only for a couple of nights.

It is worth mentioning at this point that Mum was quite put out when we said we weren't camping after all and may not be able to come, as she was planning a "family lunch" one of the days so we could all see her guest (very old family friend - I haven't seen her for about 15 years).

Anyway - I said to my mum today "I was wondering if we could have a BBQ on Monday - or would you prefer us to buzz off and eat elsewhere?". She said - "Sorry, I would rather you didn't come round for supper." Now - whilst it is not a huge big deal, it has really underlined to me the fact she really doesn't want my family over there at all (other than to parade in front of her friend at her "family lunch". So I really think we should be trying to find somewhere else to stay. I'm right, aren't I?

That said - I am worried about all of us descending upon my poor sister. I was happier at the idea of us all camping out in her sitting room, but I don't think she is going to let us. I think we are going to have to take her bedroom. I think she is a bit embarrassed by her sitting room, and I am a bit embarrassed to take her room. So I am not sure what to do.

PS the unwelcome guest is at my mum's - I don't think I am unwelcome at my sisters, but I feel embarrassed to put her to so much hassle...

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2016 20:04
Flowers
sallyjane40 · 07/08/2016 20:04

Do you have to go this week (maybe coz time off work is booked), or could you take a week to decide what sort of holiday you'd really like?

It seems a bit rushed and panicky, so maybe separating catching up with ur parents sometime, from a fun holiday with the kids, would help?
You could set a budget, for what ur prepared to spend on this holiday, and ask the kids for suggestions of what they'd like to do, and how it can be put together (if they're sensible enough to understand that there's a budget, and that they won't get to do all of the suggestions).
Things that don't get done could go on a wish list, for a possible future outing :-).
The internet gives you loads of choice, and your older kids may quite enjoy helping to find suggestions :-).

Balletblue · 07/08/2016 20:05

💐 from one anxious cow to another.

StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2016 20:05

Ca you put your budget and dates on here and someone knowledgeable will find stuff? On the understanding you won't be able to transport a lot.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 20:06

Unfortunately we only have this 5 days where we are all available. Dh was working until today, and dd needs to be back in Wales for an athletics comp on Saturday.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2016 20:06

Have you tried travelodge and premier inn

redgoat · 07/08/2016 20:07

OP - When I was young holidays were often staying at family members' homes for our holidays and vice versa so don't feel shit by some other posters saying that that is not a holiday! It was always the case that my mum and dad would give up their bed for guests too so I don't think it's strange that you sister is suggesting she does the same.

From what you've said, I'd all crash at your sister's. It will be a holiday for your children if you are out and about doing fun things during the day.

Balletblue · 07/08/2016 20:07

So you're looking at Tuesday to Friday?

nilbyname · 07/08/2016 20:07

oak I feel bad that you're upset. I think your holiday sounds great fun and lots of nice activities. It's a shame you don't have the car/gear to facilitate it. Could you invest in a trailer hitch and trailer with your cash?

I am a bit confused- does your car actually fit all of you in it?

roundtable · 07/08/2016 20:09

Oh bless you Oak - what about taking a step back and letting dh and children look at options they'd like to stay at?

Or put the money you've got down for a deposit for a holiday next year and camp in the garden or stay with your sister?

I wouldn't offer to move out of my room if I didn't want someone there. I hope you find a happy solution for everyone.

StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2016 20:09

Or if you do camp could the dc get public transport to nearby? You and dh go and set the tent up (which might fit in the car without them) and then go and collect them from the station or wherever

StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2016 20:09

Or hire a larger car?

HemanOrSheRa · 07/08/2016 20:10

Don't get upset Oak. You've got yourself all knotted up trying to please/not offend everyone. Am I right in thinking you are wanting to go away tomorrow/Tuesday?

Tillyscoutsmum · 07/08/2016 20:12

Any chance you could go to lunch at your parents and then borrow their car to go camping for a few days (and leave your car with them). You'd need to sort insurance out but it doesn't usually cost much for a few days. That way you get to see your family and then go to a campsite close by for a few days?

NoCapes · 07/08/2016 20:13

Have you answered why you can't get a travel lodge or similar?

Summerwood1 · 07/08/2016 20:18

Park holidays are good. They have static caravans and they have plenty in Devon reasonably priced.

usual · 07/08/2016 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gabilan · 07/08/2016 20:20

OP I don't think I stayed in a hotel until I was in my 20s, and that was for work. And quite frequently my holidays involve staying at my parents. My current holiday involves not going into work. And that's it really. I do live in a lovely part of the world where everybody else goes on holiday so I figure I might as well stay here. I'm paying off debts. I've been doing this on and off for the last 8 years. I pay them off, shit happens with jobs, I get into debt, I pay the debt off. Rinse and repeat. It's tiresome, and means holidays are a bit limited.

One time when I stayed at my mum's I slept in the barn. It wasn't that I was unwelcome it's just that the house was crowded and I was the only one who thought sharing sleeping accommodation with two horses sounded like fun. Admittedly that's a very middle class way of slumming it, but still, a hotel it was not.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 20:21

I have booked 2 nights at the Youth Hostel. Thank you for your ideas.

I have to go and sew a dress now.

OP posts:
HugItOut · 07/08/2016 20:21

You CAN get roof bars for a Toyota Aygo and I'm almost certain you can get a roof box.

I know you are feeling down but I think there are solutions if you want them. Also tents can be really cheap. You could order some to be collected at the local Tesco/Argos or whatever to your Mums house.

Finally, I think you need to not worry so much about your Mum. You say you normally stay with her happy enough. Its understandable that your Mum has already sorted things out with her guest before she knew you were coming. I think you need to be a bit more understanding and a bit less sensitive.

LauderSyme · 07/08/2016 20:21

Oakmaiden, I am very sorry if I upset you. I can empathise as I also have depression and anxiety, and I really didn't mean to make you feel worse.
I think I'm just jealous! I would love to have a partner and a car and be able to take my ds on holiday, but I can't afford to, not even a camping one, despite working full time. I was drawing comparisons and judging you by my life and I apologise Flowers
I bet if you ask your children they would not describe their life as crap.

HemanOrSheRa · 07/08/2016 20:21

There are caravans/lodges available tomorrow here Oak www.woolacombe.co.uk/.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 07/08/2016 20:21

There's definitely 4 day caravan stays in Devon as we went to one in woolacombe.

Maybe you're overthinking what your mum said as you're anxious. She may not be up for a BBQ, but that doesn't mean she's not keen for you to camp in the garden.

Why not give her a call and double check before you go and book elsewhere.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 20:21

For what its worth my children are now cross they are not staying with their cousins. Can't win.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 07/08/2016 20:22

I thought you wanted to spend the money this year. My point was, why subject yourself to going somewhere, where you don't enjoy being and aren't made to feel very welcome when you've go the funds. I and other posters now understand you want to keep a proportion of the money for a holiday next year. Please don't feel pressured to do something, you can't afford. I just think it's shit to spend your week tIp toeing around people, who are grumping at your presence. No one here is wanting to make you feel bad, which is why you have been urged to make different plans and give yourself a nice holiday Flowers.

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