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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I am not a welcome guest?

265 replies

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:24

so, we left organising our family holiday until the last minute, because we were expecting extra funds which took a long time getting to us. In fact we finally got them on Friday.

If they had arrived last month (which was when we were expecting them) we would have probably booked our first foreign family holiday (children are 10, 12 and 18, so rather overdue!), but they didn't, so we didn't. When it was clear that wasn't going to be an option we then planned to go camping near to where my parent live. However, their continued non-arrival meant we had to cancel that plan too. When I phoned my parents to let them know, my Mum said "Your dad said, why not come and camp in our garden?". We can't stay in their house as my mother has a guest already. OK. It's an idea - we have camped in their garden before.

My sister also offers to put us up - but she has a two up two down (with two children and a dog (and I understand no hot water or flushing loos)) but crucially she is suggesting we sleep in her bedroom and she sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I am not desperately happy about the idea of putting her out of her bed on our behalf. So I was planning on sending the youngest two children over there (10 and 12, so not weenys), putting the 18 year old to sleep in mum and dad's shed, and for dh and I to sleep in Mum and Dad's garden, in a tent. Not ideal, but it is doable, because it is only for a couple of nights.

It is worth mentioning at this point that Mum was quite put out when we said we weren't camping after all and may not be able to come, as she was planning a "family lunch" one of the days so we could all see her guest (very old family friend - I haven't seen her for about 15 years).

Anyway - I said to my mum today "I was wondering if we could have a BBQ on Monday - or would you prefer us to buzz off and eat elsewhere?". She said - "Sorry, I would rather you didn't come round for supper." Now - whilst it is not a huge big deal, it has really underlined to me the fact she really doesn't want my family over there at all (other than to parade in front of her friend at her "family lunch". So I really think we should be trying to find somewhere else to stay. I'm right, aren't I?

That said - I am worried about all of us descending upon my poor sister. I was happier at the idea of us all camping out in her sitting room, but I don't think she is going to let us. I think we are going to have to take her bedroom. I think she is a bit embarrassed by her sitting room, and I am a bit embarrassed to take her room. So I am not sure what to do.

PS the unwelcome guest is at my mum's - I don't think I am unwelcome at my sisters, but I feel embarrassed to put her to so much hassle...

OP posts:
papersmile · 09/08/2016 07:30

Oak, it sounds like your parent's garden is massive and you have plans to keep you occupied during the day so you wouldn't actually be at your parent's house much anyway.
In your position I would have camped in the garden and made myself scarce during the day.
I've just had a week camping in my parent's back garden as the house is tiny and can't fit us all in. I don't see what's odd about it, it seems really practical. I hope you have a great holiday whatever you do.

Shockers · 09/08/2016 08:12

Can you invite your sister? She sounds lovely.

Gabilan · 09/08/2016 08:39

if you've got CURRENT PASSPORTS! - worth checking

The OP has already said they don't all have passports. Had the money come through earlier she could have organised this but it didn't.

I know it's a relatively long thread. So for those who haven't RTT (and we all sometimes miss things no matter what) you can highlight the OP's posts and just read those (the option is somewhere in settings).

Only1scoop · 09/08/2016 08:47

No, it sounds like for whatever reason she doesn't want you all pitching up for a BBQ or whatever on the 'Monday night'....your sisters sounds like it's bursting at the seems and I also wouldn't want to put her out if it were me. I'd have a final search for a campsite for a couple of nights and failing that just do day trips instead.

Sounds like a right faff and a pain for everyone involved.

Only1scoop · 09/08/2016 08:49

And I'd your 'funds' have now arrived can't you dip into it for a decent camp site and car hire if you were originally going to use it for a hol?

Only1scoop · 09/08/2016 08:51

Just noticed you booked the YH

Have a fab time

Emptyandscared · 09/08/2016 10:23

This sounds just horrendous OP , I'm so sorry for you and I really hope you get to properly enjoy the days you have booked and also that your mood lifts a bit Flowers

Enjoyingthepeace · 10/08/2016 05:08

what intrigues me about this thread is that clearly the OP's parents live on a vast amount of property (a walled garden, a veranda, two main gardens, a shed split in to five sections, once of which is like a summer house). Meanwhile, before a bit of money came through, the OP doesn't seem to have had two pennies to rub together.

YelloDraw · 10/08/2016 08:39

Enjoy the YH!

hazeimcgee · 10/08/2016 08:52

Can i ask why you're so resistant to going abroad? Money through, easy to book transport you can all fit in and enough actual beds. As well as sun

Alt get online and look up caravans, b&b's and hotels. If you can't get all accomodation possobly still dump little two on sis but say you can't and won't put her out of your bed.

Out of interest how many beds does your mom have with a garden that big? Is there an option of you really are resistant to spending any money of you and DH sleeping in the house, teen gets his own shed and girls get sleepover with aunty?

hazeimcgee · 10/08/2016 08:53

Actually scrap that, i eould not stay at mom's after the linch comment. Incidentally what did you say to mom when she said she didn't want you coming for tea? I

mum11970 · 10/08/2016 08:58

I'm just wondering how you fit 5 people in a four seater car???

StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2016 09:09

I couldn't stay anywhere without a working toilet

Crispbutty · 10/08/2016 21:44

Hope you are having a good holiday Op. The weather isn't great but it's meant to brighten up :)

Skylander01 · 22/08/2016 16:51

I'm sorry but you just cannot fathom how others may be feeling reading this! I have brain cancer and could really do with a holiday this year to build memories for my dh and 2 dc! we just have no money because no one will employ me. you are lucky, my own sister lives in Oz! At the moment we can't even afford passports, never mind a holiday! I don't want to make you feel bad, but I do want you to stop for a moment and think about how lucky you all are, make a decision and make it work! Then go and build some wonderful memories for you all!

to think I am not a welcome guest?
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