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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I am not a welcome guest?

265 replies

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:24

so, we left organising our family holiday until the last minute, because we were expecting extra funds which took a long time getting to us. In fact we finally got them on Friday.

If they had arrived last month (which was when we were expecting them) we would have probably booked our first foreign family holiday (children are 10, 12 and 18, so rather overdue!), but they didn't, so we didn't. When it was clear that wasn't going to be an option we then planned to go camping near to where my parent live. However, their continued non-arrival meant we had to cancel that plan too. When I phoned my parents to let them know, my Mum said "Your dad said, why not come and camp in our garden?". We can't stay in their house as my mother has a guest already. OK. It's an idea - we have camped in their garden before.

My sister also offers to put us up - but she has a two up two down (with two children and a dog (and I understand no hot water or flushing loos)) but crucially she is suggesting we sleep in her bedroom and she sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I am not desperately happy about the idea of putting her out of her bed on our behalf. So I was planning on sending the youngest two children over there (10 and 12, so not weenys), putting the 18 year old to sleep in mum and dad's shed, and for dh and I to sleep in Mum and Dad's garden, in a tent. Not ideal, but it is doable, because it is only for a couple of nights.

It is worth mentioning at this point that Mum was quite put out when we said we weren't camping after all and may not be able to come, as she was planning a "family lunch" one of the days so we could all see her guest (very old family friend - I haven't seen her for about 15 years).

Anyway - I said to my mum today "I was wondering if we could have a BBQ on Monday - or would you prefer us to buzz off and eat elsewhere?". She said - "Sorry, I would rather you didn't come round for supper." Now - whilst it is not a huge big deal, it has really underlined to me the fact she really doesn't want my family over there at all (other than to parade in front of her friend at her "family lunch". So I really think we should be trying to find somewhere else to stay. I'm right, aren't I?

That said - I am worried about all of us descending upon my poor sister. I was happier at the idea of us all camping out in her sitting room, but I don't think she is going to let us. I think we are going to have to take her bedroom. I think she is a bit embarrassed by her sitting room, and I am a bit embarrassed to take her room. So I am not sure what to do.

PS the unwelcome guest is at my mum's - I don't think I am unwelcome at my sisters, but I feel embarrassed to put her to so much hassle...

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 07/08/2016 19:28

The youth hostel in Okehampton is lovely, cheap, has family rooms and on site facilities. Go there :)

theredjellybean · 07/08/2016 19:29

i havent read whole thread but actually i have sympathy for your mum.
i think you have been quite rude, she offered to have you all camp in her garden, and probably was looking forward to it, having her grandchildren there, and you and showing you all off to her old friend.
I bet she had already made plans for the meals etc etc and then you casually just change your mind.
I would be a bit put out and cross if people did that to me .

TheoriginalLEM · 07/08/2016 19:29

go to a campsite near your parents. the cost will be minimal and it will feel morelike a holiday with additional "bonus" of seeing your parents if you must

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:30

I have camping gear - just no way to transport it any more. Which is hugely frustrating.

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 07/08/2016 19:30

Hire a small trailer.

Balletblue · 07/08/2016 19:31

Try parkholidays.com they are based in Devon and have static caravan last minute deals. Honestly, you can organise this if you search around a bit.

Amelie10 · 07/08/2016 19:31

It's a shame now that your kids have never been on an actual holiday or don't even know what that is. Why not stay home and plan some really nice days out, some treats? That would sound more of a holiday than sleeping in a garden and going in to use the loo during the night. And then put some money away for a real holiday next year.

shopaholic999 · 07/08/2016 19:31

I also find this bizarre..there are always options if you are willing to look for them.

We can't afford a foreign holiday but we have just about managed to book 4 nights/5 days at a theme park staying in a caravan which includes all theme park tickets, zoo tickets and enterainment passes for £500 for 6 of us..it is a possibility to find something! Surely Devon isn't your only option!

0pti0na1 · 07/08/2016 19:32

Would a youth hostel be an option for you?

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:32

Jellybean - well I haven't said anything against my mum? Just the fact that she said she doesn't want us around at meal times leads me to believe she would actually rather I wasn't there? Which is fine - I am prepared to make different plans. Just not sure quite what.

I need to look at Air BnB and caravans.

OP posts:
DesolateWaist · 07/08/2016 19:32

I've just had a look through the HomeAway website and you could get something like this holiday cottage in Matlock for next week. www.homeaway.co.uk/p6778226. It not too late. There were loads of places on the website.

Crispbutty · 07/08/2016 19:33

The Okehampton youth hostel is right on the edge of Dartmoor so must be close to where you were thinking of going.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:34

Oh, youth hostels. We have done youth Hostels quite a bit. I thought I had done a search of Devon Youth Hostels earlier, but having just looked again apparently Okehampton might have room.

OP posts:
SquedgieBeckenheim · 07/08/2016 19:34

Staying with family is a regular holiday for us! However, we have actual bed rooms with actual beds and are not made to feel unwelcome!
I would not consider me and DH in a tent, a child in a summerhouse and 2 other children at another house, a holiday! I would only do that if we were travelling for a specific event and couldn't afford a hotel but it was only 1 or 2 nights.
I echo those who say book a campsite or a hotel or somewhere else to stay!

sonlypuppyfat · 07/08/2016 19:34

What do your kids write in their " what I did in the school holidays essay?"

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:36

They write about the things we did together?

OP posts:
theredjellybean · 07/08/2016 19:36

i think maybe she is just a bit upset, she was planning a family lunch which sounds lovely and maybe she feels a bit upset that you are now billeting some grandchildren at your sisters and maybe not going to all be together .

its just a thought that maybe she is reacting out of feeling hurt ?
have you talked to her about it ?

YeOldMa · 07/08/2016 19:36

There are certainly some judgemental answers here. If as a family you enjoy camping in a garden, why not? I think your biggest problem is that you are too worried about upsetting your sister and mother. Think about what you and the family would like to do and plan from there. Can't you ask your mother if she would prefer you to stay somewhere else or if you have upset her by making other arrangements? There appears to be a lot of assuming on your part and maybe straight talking would sort it all out.

SharingMichelle · 07/08/2016 19:37

I think you've had quite a hard time in this thread OP.

Don't be panicked into booking something you don't want / can't afford.

bunnyfuller · 07/08/2016 19:37

Or just go to mum's at a different time? Mum sounds like she wants sometime with her friend without hosting the whole unequipped tent/shed/hybrid thing. Goat a different time and spend some money on the passports now then you're ready for last minute deals next year. Or spend the money on some camping gear when you're down at mum and dads. Flexibility is your friend!

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:39

No, jelly, I don't think so. I actually think she doesn't really want us there, but is too kind to say so. And won't say so, because she loves us.

But also wants her friend to visit a house frre of grandchildren apart from when they are specifically invited for lunch.

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 07/08/2016 19:39

Shopaholic that's a great deal can I ask where?

Crispbutty · 07/08/2016 19:39

Blimey! It's not child cruelty to not have foreign holidays or even "proper" holidays. As a kid we spent every holiday staying at my uncles in Devon on camp beds etc and it was great fun. You don't miss what you haven't had really. We had great days out and I have lovely memories of it.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:40

I actually didn't expect this to be a thread which started with me feeling mildly worried and ended with me in tears over the crapness of the life I force my children to lead.

OP posts:
AvonCallingBarksdale · 07/08/2016 19:43

I try to just slot in where I make least impact. I don't know why that makes me very hard work

Blimey, OP, that's a bit Sad. I still don't understand why, if the money's come in, that you can't book a lastminute.com holiday?? There's definitely more to holidaying than camping in your parents garden - you don't know what you're missing!!

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