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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I am not a welcome guest?

265 replies

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:24

so, we left organising our family holiday until the last minute, because we were expecting extra funds which took a long time getting to us. In fact we finally got them on Friday.

If they had arrived last month (which was when we were expecting them) we would have probably booked our first foreign family holiday (children are 10, 12 and 18, so rather overdue!), but they didn't, so we didn't. When it was clear that wasn't going to be an option we then planned to go camping near to where my parent live. However, their continued non-arrival meant we had to cancel that plan too. When I phoned my parents to let them know, my Mum said "Your dad said, why not come and camp in our garden?". We can't stay in their house as my mother has a guest already. OK. It's an idea - we have camped in their garden before.

My sister also offers to put us up - but she has a two up two down (with two children and a dog (and I understand no hot water or flushing loos)) but crucially she is suggesting we sleep in her bedroom and she sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I am not desperately happy about the idea of putting her out of her bed on our behalf. So I was planning on sending the youngest two children over there (10 and 12, so not weenys), putting the 18 year old to sleep in mum and dad's shed, and for dh and I to sleep in Mum and Dad's garden, in a tent. Not ideal, but it is doable, because it is only for a couple of nights.

It is worth mentioning at this point that Mum was quite put out when we said we weren't camping after all and may not be able to come, as she was planning a "family lunch" one of the days so we could all see her guest (very old family friend - I haven't seen her for about 15 years).

Anyway - I said to my mum today "I was wondering if we could have a BBQ on Monday - or would you prefer us to buzz off and eat elsewhere?". She said - "Sorry, I would rather you didn't come round for supper." Now - whilst it is not a huge big deal, it has really underlined to me the fact she really doesn't want my family over there at all (other than to parade in front of her friend at her "family lunch". So I really think we should be trying to find somewhere else to stay. I'm right, aren't I?

That said - I am worried about all of us descending upon my poor sister. I was happier at the idea of us all camping out in her sitting room, but I don't think she is going to let us. I think we are going to have to take her bedroom. I think she is a bit embarrassed by her sitting room, and I am a bit embarrassed to take her room. So I am not sure what to do.

PS the unwelcome guest is at my mum's - I don't think I am unwelcome at my sisters, but I feel embarrassed to put her to so much hassle...

OP posts:
Idefix · 07/08/2016 18:57

This all sounds really awkward op.
Fairly sure if you had a chat with your ds she would understand why you might call off what was only a maybe holiday to start with.

Personally I would look to finding a holiday elsewhere and stay with dm and ds another time.

Can recommend Barcelona for a last minute 'abroad' holiday which we did with a last minute windfall in August last year.

Coconutty · 07/08/2016 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amelie10 · 07/08/2016 18:58

Op if the funds have come through why can't you use it to book a last minute deal.

trafalgargal · 07/08/2016 18:59

If they are in Devon there's plenty of campsites , cost will be more than camping in your Mums back garden but more fun ......and you've said you do now have the funds. It's a family Ho.iday so don't farm out the kids to sheds and sofas but spend it together.

expatinscotland · 07/08/2016 18:59

'Anyway, now I have absolutely no idea what to do. Fucking hate my life.'

Get a grip. Get online and book something last minute right now. All this to'ing and fro'ing and camping here and couch surfing there is ridiculous.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:01

Really? It was a major feature of my childhood and teens, so there you go Ona. Every holiday I EVER had with my family was camping or staying with relatives. We regularly had all sorts of people camping in our garden.

Probably not the moment for an anecdote, but I recently met someone who said "Don't you remember me, I used to camp in your parent's garden when you were a teenager." My husband was astounded that I couldn't remember this person. We just always had friends and friends of friends about....

Which I guess is partly my difficulty - garden camping/ camping out on people's floors are NORMAL holidays for me. So I am trying to gauge what is too difficult...

I really don't want to be putting people out of their beds on my behalf. I try to just slot in where I make least impact. I don't know why that makes me very hard work.

OP posts:
chocoLit · 07/08/2016 19:02

Christ that just all sounds like hard work. Grab a last minute deal and relax somewhere else.

expatinscotland · 07/08/2016 19:03

Then get a campsite or hostel. There are some last minute slots.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:03

If the funds had come through when expected we would have had time to get passports, but we don't all have them now, so too late.

I'm actually more upset about this than when I started. Maybe I have been getting it wrong my whole life and everyone I know thinks I AM a right pain in the arse and really hard work. I really don't know.

OP posts:
TheGruffaloMother · 07/08/2016 19:03

OP, if you can't be bothered organising a last minute holiday, don't organise one. Spend the money on nice days out instead. But I really wouldn't be entertaining the thought of camping my my mum's back garden despite there being an atmosphere and having to put up with the angst of knowing I was unwelcome and nobody actually had room for us. That's far more hassle than booking a proper last minute holiday or campsite online.

AndNowItsSeven · 07/08/2016 19:04

" you hate your life" really? There are posters who can't even afford a box of ice creams from the supermarket, and bus fare to a free beach for a day out for their dc this summer.

expatinscotland · 07/08/2016 19:04

K, so the funds are here now. Make the best of it by organising a UK holiday at a campsite or hostel.

BastardGoDarkly · 07/08/2016 19:05

Just book a b&b!? Your sister will surely understand?

Amelie10 · 07/08/2016 19:07

I can't understand why you refuse/ against booking a campsite now?
Honestly roughing it in a tent in a garden/ shed really isn't what most people consider a holiday.

jellycat1 · 07/08/2016 19:07

Sounds like a frigging nightmare all round and you won't even be with all your kids. I'd stay at home and plan some nice day trips / dinners out instead.

RubbishMantra · 07/08/2016 19:08

DPs making your DS sleep in the shed ?!?

I thought my parents were awful...but this takes the entire packet of biscuits.

Floggingmolly · 07/08/2016 19:09

Does your mum live in a Stately Home, op? I've honestly never heard of this culture of having a "holiday" by camping in each other's gardens...

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 07/08/2016 19:09

So if you have the funds now, then get on cheap holidays, or holiday hypermarket, and book a last minute deal abroad!

OnlyHereForTheCamping · 07/08/2016 19:10

Just go, Devon is gorgeous. Everyone's mother is a dick at one time or another but she will prob relax when you get there.

mumeeee · 07/08/2016 19:10

I agree with other posters camping in your parents back garden isn't a holiday especially with the ages of your children. Also I wouldn't count staying at your sisters as a proper holiday. Yes good as an extra to a holiday or for an overnight visit but not as a main holiday.
Book your send into a proper campsite or even a caravan site. Have a look at cheap bed and breakfast places or see if you can find a cottage

NoCapes · 07/08/2016 19:12

How very bizarre!

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:13

I'm not explaining well. I wanted to book a family camping holiday, but I didn't think we would have the money in time, so didn't. If I book one now I will still need to borrow camping stuff off my dad to do it. But he doesn't get back from his holiday til tomorrow, and my mum has a guest from tomorrow, so I don't feel I can ask him to turn out the loft tomorrow looking for the camping stove and all the kit for us to use that very evening. It isn't a fair request. The tent isn't in the loft - it is in the actual shed - so easier to get too. the other stuff, not so much.

I tried looking for bed and breakfasts, but couldn't find any local that were in our price range.

Hadn't thought of a static caravan though - but we are only there for 4 nights. Can you get them for 4 nights?

OP posts:
sonlypuppyfat · 07/08/2016 19:13

Oooooo can I sleep in a shed

Waltermittythesequel · 07/08/2016 19:14

You're being so weird and dramatic.

Book a caravan. Book a cottage. Book a cheap hotel deal.

You have the money now.

Personally I think it was ridiculous that you were getting your dad to cart camping equipment over to meet you in the first place!

Pick a holiday that works.

thisisafakename · 07/08/2016 19:14

I echo all the people who say that you can book a cheap campsite or maybe even airbnb in Devon or Cornwall (or in fact anywhere really). Check some places out and you can all be in the same place as well rather than being split between tents and sheds and your sister's.

I would also be a bit upset if it was clear I wasn't welcome for most of the time I was there.

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