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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I am not a welcome guest?

265 replies

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 18:24

so, we left organising our family holiday until the last minute, because we were expecting extra funds which took a long time getting to us. In fact we finally got them on Friday.

If they had arrived last month (which was when we were expecting them) we would have probably booked our first foreign family holiday (children are 10, 12 and 18, so rather overdue!), but they didn't, so we didn't. When it was clear that wasn't going to be an option we then planned to go camping near to where my parent live. However, their continued non-arrival meant we had to cancel that plan too. When I phoned my parents to let them know, my Mum said "Your dad said, why not come and camp in our garden?". We can't stay in their house as my mother has a guest already. OK. It's an idea - we have camped in their garden before.

My sister also offers to put us up - but she has a two up two down (with two children and a dog (and I understand no hot water or flushing loos)) but crucially she is suggesting we sleep in her bedroom and she sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I am not desperately happy about the idea of putting her out of her bed on our behalf. So I was planning on sending the youngest two children over there (10 and 12, so not weenys), putting the 18 year old to sleep in mum and dad's shed, and for dh and I to sleep in Mum and Dad's garden, in a tent. Not ideal, but it is doable, because it is only for a couple of nights.

It is worth mentioning at this point that Mum was quite put out when we said we weren't camping after all and may not be able to come, as she was planning a "family lunch" one of the days so we could all see her guest (very old family friend - I haven't seen her for about 15 years).

Anyway - I said to my mum today "I was wondering if we could have a BBQ on Monday - or would you prefer us to buzz off and eat elsewhere?". She said - "Sorry, I would rather you didn't come round for supper." Now - whilst it is not a huge big deal, it has really underlined to me the fact she really doesn't want my family over there at all (other than to parade in front of her friend at her "family lunch". So I really think we should be trying to find somewhere else to stay. I'm right, aren't I?

That said - I am worried about all of us descending upon my poor sister. I was happier at the idea of us all camping out in her sitting room, but I don't think she is going to let us. I think we are going to have to take her bedroom. I think she is a bit embarrassed by her sitting room, and I am a bit embarrassed to take her room. So I am not sure what to do.

PS the unwelcome guest is at my mum's - I don't think I am unwelcome at my sisters, but I feel embarrassed to put her to so much hassle...

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 07/08/2016 19:15

Can't you just holiday somewhere else?

nilbyname · 07/08/2016 19:16

Well you liked your holidays growing up, so fair play!

However as you describe it you've got no car, no actual camping stuff and no where to stay. You have sort of cobbled together a holiday of sorts where you are in families gardens or houses with them pitching in and helping out. It all sounds rather charming but exceptionally chaotic!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/08/2016 19:16

Just because you camped in family gardens for holidays as a child, doesn't mean you have to with dc, does it?

You sound really frustrated. Why not get online and book something last minute?. I saw on the news a couple of weeks ago bookings on holiday cottages are down post Brexit. I don't know if this is still the case.

Idefix · 07/08/2016 19:17

I don't think you are hard work (all my holidays till I left home involved staying at relatives) op but I think the time lapse between your possible plans and your normal holiday plans have moved on (at least for your dm, for whatever reason)
I really would look to book something uk based (assumed you had passports) or go for a staycation and lots of outings.

Missgraeme · 07/08/2016 19:17

With your recent funds buy a roof box and your own camping stuff. Book site. Go camping!!

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:18

Do people really not think staying with family is a holiday?

The camping is just an extra room, if the house is full of people.

OP posts:
MephistoMarley · 07/08/2016 19:18

Can you borrow a roofbox or a trailer? I bet you could fit what you need in your car! If you have 3 kids then you must have a decent sized car just to fit them in so you will have enough boots pace for a tent, camping stove, chairs and a couple of boxes of food. That's all you need! Why the drama?

MephistoMarley · 07/08/2016 19:18

Staying with family isn't a holiday, no. It's something nice and we all enjoy it but it's a several times a year normal thing, not a special holiday thing

Amelie10 · 07/08/2016 19:19

Do people really not think staying with family is a holiday?

Have you ever went on a holiday that didn't involve staying with your family?
Have any of your holidays been at an actual hotel.

KC225 · 07/08/2016 19:20

That sounds less of a holiday and more of an evacuation. Unless war has been declared and the area you live is now a no go zone, I suggest you take the time to book a lovely campsite

Coconutty · 07/08/2016 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LockedOutOfMN · 07/08/2016 19:21

Staying with my family is my dream holiday. Anywhere in the world. If we had time when one or more of us wasn't busy.

NoCapes · 07/08/2016 19:22

No staying with family isn't a holiday
And something we've never done

Just book a travel lodge and find some stuff to do during the days for goodness sake

ScatteryCattery · 07/08/2016 19:23

How can you not find a B&B in your price rang yet you were planning a holiday abroad? That would have cost you more...

TeaRexit · 07/08/2016 19:24

I would
Stay at a campsite
Book a b&b
or most likely go abroad.

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:24

Oh. It is pretty much the only sort of holiday we do. We go to them, they come to us. Occasionally we all go somewhere else.

But no, I don't think I have ever had a family holiday that involved a hotel. Or an aeroplane. It costs too much.

We do have a bit of money for this year, but are hoping to save enough of it to still afford a foreign holiday - maybe next year. So I can't spend all of it on a UK holiday. But maybe we can find a caravan thing...

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 07/08/2016 19:25

That is not a holiday.

eddielizzard · 07/08/2016 19:25

look on air bnb

SexNamesRFab · 07/08/2016 19:26

Have you looked at air B&B? I think you have a Rosie recollection of holidays from your childhood, which is fair enough, and are trying to recreate them. However, it'd be a lot less hassle and more fun for you and your immediate family to get your own cottage or caravan.

RubbishMantra · 07/08/2016 19:26

Seriously though, have you looked on Airbnb?

toopeoply · 07/08/2016 19:26

What nilbypost said but without the charming. I'm all for camping or spending time with family but this sounds ridiculous. Or invest the money in some of your own camping gear so you don't have to bother your dad?

bananafish · 07/08/2016 19:27

Well, if that's what you have always done - why not try something different?

If your eldest is 18, it's a perfect opportunity to have that new experience together.

I reckon you sound as though you would all love it here sun, sea, clam pickers, wooden cabins - it's like stepping into a French New Wave film :)

Or this St Tropez site is great with thatched cabins on Pampelonne beach, lots of watersports and kids activities.

I've been to both of those and they're fab. Might even have last minute availability...
...Grab your passports and get on a plane. Have an adventure!

Oakmaiden · 07/08/2016 19:27

Um - no, we don't have a decent sized car. Our family car broke down, and we couldn't afford to replace it. We have a Toyota Aygo. I have been told we can't get a roof box for it either.

OP posts:
ZippyNeedsFeeding · 07/08/2016 19:28

OP, I had never stayed in a hotel until I was in my 20's, we always had to stay with aged relatives, or sometimes with my grandmother's slightly creepy neighbour. Find somewhere nice on a last minute deal and relax into the luxury. Trust me, you will never look back!

If your mother doesn't want you there except to show off to her guest then that's her problem. Go somewhere interesting and fun for your family and forget about the stress.

RubbishMantra · 07/08/2016 19:28

X posted with SexNames.