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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset about DH taking DS abroad?

300 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 05/08/2016 12:42

I have got a week off work in October where me, DS, my mom and my sister's two children are going to Butlins for 5 days. My husband can't come as he is a teacher and it is outside of his school's half term.

Today, whilst chatting to DH he said he wanted to take DS abroad during his 1/2 term week. I thought he was joking at first and I was going along with it, joking about how much I would love the peace and quiet etc but it turns out he's completely serious.

DS will be 2yr 7m at the time of the trip.

DH is planning on going to Spain for 5 nights and is currently researching the best places to go. I know I can't stop them going but AIBU for being so upset about it?

I'm not upset about them going on holiday without me, I just can't bear the thought of how much I'm going to miss DS.

When I realised DH was being serious I actually had tears in my eyes at the thought of being away from DS for so long, especially with him being in a different country.

DS is very attached to me and DH thinks it will be beneficial to DS to have some time away from me, to help his confidence or independence or whatever reason DH came up with, but I don't know if I will be able to cope. I keep having these visions of DS wanting me and crying for me and me not being there to comfort him.

I can't tell if I'm being seriously irrational or whether this is a completely normal motherly reaction to the thought of being separated from my toddler for so long?

OP posts:
HeddaLettuce · 06/08/2016 14:59

I can't believe a mother saying she will miss her 2 year old son if he goes abroad without her is classed as separation anxiety and one that needs "help" for

Well you said yourself OP that you couldn't tell if you were severely irrational and you said more than once it was about your own anxiety, so you can't really be that surprised can you

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2016 15:06

So anyone who feels anxious about something should seek professional help?

I'm not sure me saying I'm anxious about my 2 year old DS being in another country and away from me for 5 days is enough to warrant a referral. I shall book a GP appointment though just to make sure Grin

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 06/08/2016 15:13

My parents took my son away for 4 nights at the same age. I was worried but it was all fine. I was at work most of the time and enjoyed better than usual sleep.

SuburbanRhonda · 06/08/2016 15:14

I thought you were bowing out, nicki?

Obviously you couldn't resist one last pop.

TheStoic · 06/08/2016 15:18

So anyone who feels anxious about something should seek professional help?

Why not? If it's affecting their quality of life, or their relationships, or they are questioning the rationality of their reactions to situations, it could definitely be beneficial.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2016 15:27

stoic - so you are seriously telling me that because I'm anxious about DS being in a different country from me and I'm upset over how much I will miss him that I should go and see my GP?

OP posts:
HeddaLettuce · 06/08/2016 15:32

So anyone who feels anxious about something should seek professional help?

No, but anyone with severe anxiety where concern is not really warranted maybe should. But thats for you to decide.

TheStoic · 06/08/2016 15:33

It's not about 'should', writer. But yes, I think talking to someone about your concerns in this area could really help. I don't think this is the last or only time you will feel this way.

As almost everyone has said, it's natural to feel apprehensive about your son going abroad without you. What is possibly out of proportion is crying at the idea, and genuinely thinking you won't be able to cope.

SuburbanRhonda · 06/08/2016 15:43

OP, I don't understand why you're so aghast at the idea of discussing something as commonplace as anxiety with your GP.

There are some great talking therapies available as well as self-help books that can make a real difference for people with anxiety.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2016 15:47

This thread has suddenly turned very odd.

But anyway, as the issue has pretty much been resolved and I've also been informed I need professional help I think the thread has come to its natural end.

Thank you to everyone for all your comments Flowers

OP posts:
LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 06/08/2016 15:47

Haven't ready whole thread but is it his first holiday abroad? If so I would be upset as I would miss first time on plane etc. I would ask DH if he could take him away for a few days in this country first.

roundaboutthetown · 06/08/2016 15:49

This reply has been deleted

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SuburbanRhonda · 06/08/2016 15:50

You're welcome, OP.

Hope they both have a fantastic holiday and that you discover you love having free time to do your own thing Smile

roundaboutthetown · 06/08/2016 15:52

It is entirely normal for different people's reactions to range from not anxious about this scenario to really quite anxious. Don't make people waste their GPs' time...

SuburbanRhonda · 06/08/2016 15:59

I agree that if the OP was at the "not anxious" end of the anxiety scale it would be indeed a waste of a GP appointment. But by her own admission, she isn't.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2016 16:13

Just to clarify though before I head off, my comments about me needing professional help and going to see my GP were 100% sarcastic Grin

I'm pretty sure my GP won't be interested to hear I'm going to miss my son whilst he's abroad Grin

OP posts:
CotswoldStrife · 06/08/2016 17:22

I can understand you missing your son if he is away, but if you are so concerned about him missing you, why are you taking him away from his dad when you already know he'll be missing him after a few days? That is unfair and I don't see why you can't say that to your sister - why do you need to go away for 5 days? I think that is what has caused all this, your DH is probably annoyed that you get to take DS away - how would you feel if he complained about it?

Iggi999 · 06/08/2016 17:29

Cotswold, if that were a big problem for the dh though, why would he go away on several school trips?

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2016 17:38

cotswold - I asked my DH if he minded if DS and I go to Butlins for 5 days and he was over the moon about it - he can't wait for 5 days of peace and peace. If he were to have a problem I would have asked him what it was and we would've taken it from there.

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 06/08/2016 17:48

OP - will you come back and let us know how the holiday went?

As a matter of interest, would you be up for spending six nights in Spain with no-one for company but your toddler? Is he a particularly easy to please sort of a child?

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2016 17:58

Well when DH goes away with work it can be anywhere between 5-8 days and during that time it's just me and DS and we always have a lovely time Smile

I know I'm biased but DS really is fun to be around, he's so funny and pretty much goes with the flow.

My DH has said that he knows it's going to be hard work for him and it will be draining and frustrating at times but he still wants to go as he thinks I need a break.

OP posts:
CotswoldStrife · 06/08/2016 18:13

Not all of the school trips will be optional though! He may very well not like going away from his DS.

TimeforaNNChange · 06/08/2016 18:21

during that time it's just me and DS and we always have a lovely time

I thought you said your DS gets distressed and misses his dad after a few days?

HeddaLettuce · 06/08/2016 18:26

I know I'm biased but DS really is fun to be around, he's so funny and pretty much goes with the flow

But only when you are with him at all times? Because wth his father you think he will be unhappy and anxious and unable to enjoy the holiday....

roundaboutthetown · 06/08/2016 18:40

Well, I think your dh sounds fantastic and you're very lucky to have such an easy going ds. On that basis, I'm sure it will be fine!

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