To keep this a massive secret

[Gymboree567]

I've got no friends
There I said it! I never tell anyone, my family, people at work, I feel like it's more embarrassing than a really embarrassing illness!
If I had to make a choice I'd rather tell people about the time I had an anal fissure than admit to having no friends
It's always used as an insult, "billy no mates" "got no friends"

Is it that embarrassing? Should I be keeping it a secret?
If you have friends, do you think it's really weird?

I was once told you have to have 5 things in common to make a relationship work .
My partner and I have our silly moments and came up with about 20 things we have in common . Looking at my other friendships , we either have gone to sch , worked together , have the same SOH, same values and interests and we share history . Friendship is out there - it just starts with a smile .

Anyone in Leeds and either side of 50 who doesn't want to go far - must say though that although I have anxiety nobody would guess unless I was out of comfort zone - I am very sociable and love to laugh

A while back, a MNer set up a Facebook group called MNSocial (there was a thread about it on the Relationships board called something like Reconnecting 2015. But then she left Facebook and the group dwindled and currently has no admin.

I did actually post on the group last week (the madness of the first full week of the school holidays looming forced my hand ). I'd be happy to take over as Admin for the Facebook group, if anybody would be interested. It was set up solely for people to make friends, arrange meet ups and chat.

Thank you Kal.

Gum I did do AA for years, and still occasionally get to a meeting, but I've never really met anybody my age who is similar enough to me. It's a fantastic organisation though!

I'm up for that

I was in a group of very supportive mum friends, but then we moved 200 miles away.
I became part of another group of mum friends, and we used to meet a lot until all the children were at school.
I had 3 very good friends, and they all died of cancer in a short period of time, around the time I also lost an aunt, 3 uncles and a cousin.
I did become part of another group of friends, but when I became ill the one I was closest to decided to Wendy me from the group.
I have quite a few acquaintances, but there is no-one within 100 miles whose doorstep I could land up on if in need.
Bloody lonely, but I am giving it a go. Signed up for a sewing course for next month. I am a member of our WI, but I'm not that enamoured of it, but will persevere.

Right, am now admin of the Facebook group.

It's called MN Social if anybody wants to look it up and request to join. It's a closed group. We've only 90 members, so could do with some more.

Gottoseeamanaboutadog

I am sorry if I offended anyone with that comment - yes it was insensitive :( I still struggle at times perhaps thats why I have always found the friendship stuff so hard.

It was not meant to be insensitive. Loneliness can also happen even when you have friends, that is why I got a dog. They never let you down or point out your failings.

Im the same, i have lots of people i talk to like other mums and 'friends' at work but real friends id ring for a chat or help i stopped having them years ago. We all fell out over something daft after 15 years of friendship and ive never trusted anyone since really. How can you just cut a really close friend and their kids/your kids out of each others lives after so many years as good friends so easily

Yoga I don't think you were being insensitive, you were stating a fact, then explained further in your post. Sometimes the truth hurts, doesn't mean it should be avoided.

Hi
I'm pretty much in the same position as many of you. I am friendly with people at work but am never included in their social plans. I go out of my way to be friendly, helpful etc but feel that if I'm not actually there, then I'm forgotten. I have a few old friends who I see occasionally, but it is always me that gets in touch and I often wonder if they really want to see me or if they wouldn't have thought of me if I didn't get in touch. I'm quite shy and find it hard to small talk unless I know people well. Would really love someone to lend me a shoulder to cry on if needed, have giggly night out etc like everyone else seems to have. It's nice to see so many people are in the same position and I'm not the only sado!!

I feel like I don't either sure I have 'friends' who want to know me when they want or need something or have a problem but are never there for me

If it's a closed group it's not showing up on search on fb aristotle

I just found it Scooch, just searched MN Social

Thanks just found it

Found it too - pending

Have just approved a few members for the Fb group.

As I don't want to derail the OP's thread (who sounds lovely, and I hope she makes lots of new friends), I have created a thread about the Facebook group in Relationships.

Oops, forgot link:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2701849-Reconnecting-2016-Making-new-friends?watched=1

Gosh I thought I was An oddball amongst everyone. I have friends who I've known through college but they're males, I don't tend to keep female friends, never knew why. I'm acquaintences with one girl from college only because her partner is one of the guy friends I have. She has her own group of friends and goes out with them but I don't because she's the polar opposite of me!

I could have written your post OP, in fact I've been trying to put something together for ages but bottling out at the last minute because I'm embarrassed.

I moved from my home town in my mid twenties when I met my DH and decided to move in with him in his home town. I had s fabulous best friend, and a wide extended network of friends who were women I knew from school, friends of friends, close work colleagues who I socialised a lot with and considered good friends. All melted away when I moved, except for my closest friend who I keep in touch with but it has never been the same because of distance and having kids etc.

I tried to make new friends but it's never really happened and for the past couple of years I've wondered if other people find me weird. I don't think I am, but I've no idea how other people see me. I've made friends in the past but have been trampled on and 'dropped' eg the friend I was really close to who we took in for a couple of months after she left her DH, she then found another partner and I saw her once after she moved in with him - she just totally cut me out and I was so hurt, DH was livid.

I find that anyone I meet already has well established friendship groups, and whilst people will be nice to me and friendly I am never 'included' as it never occurs to anyone to do that .

I've tried evening classes, volunteering (governor, Cubs, kids football club, charity), hobbies, gym etc.

On the other hand, I was recently asked to join a group from work for lunch and a few drinks and I couldn't go as I was terrified they would find me boring and I'd never get asked again so I pretended I didn't have a babysitter

I can't figure out whether I want the friendship circle or whether I'm now too scared and maybe need counselling to help me

I've seen this thread come up several times, there are always lots of people who are friendless.

I've realised since my health troubles took hold, I've no actual friends either. I've people I could maybe have a few drinks with or a night out, and I've people who I help out quite a bit but I've realised I'm a convenience to them. I've two/three friends I can text/ring if I'm in a breakdown mode. But no actual close ones that visit, I would gave loads if I done the running to visit, but I stopped that because I'm not capable anymore. Now I realise i could go from one end of the week to the next without seeing anyone other than my kids. I've decided over the last year because of this to make a major life change and move away from here. There's nothing keeping me here, and I'm in a rural village so as my health deteriorates, my lack of support will mean my life will become unliveable, so I'm looking nearer a big city so hospitals are close for appointments and I can have hobbies and hopefully meet new people, I'm a nice person, I am too honest and I think that puts people off me, but that's their problem not mine.

What's your point nuttymango

Aristotle I would be up for that!

Tired

That sounds familiar to me. I feel at this point like someone who has been burned so many times in friendships, making more feels like an emotional risk....