To keep this a massive secret

[Gymboree567]

I've got no friends
There I said it! I never tell anyone, my family, people at work, I feel like it's more embarrassing than a really embarrassing illness!
If I had to make a choice I'd rather tell people about the time I had an anal fissure than admit to having no friends
It's always used as an insult, "billy no mates" "got no friends"

Is it that embarrassing? Should I be keeping it a secret?
If you have friends, do you think it's really weird?

It's so sad a fair few feel lonely. I have long-term friends...school (thanks to one friend who mostly organises us) and uni (scattered across globe, but again another friend comes to uk and sorts us out). It has got harder post uni, and work friendships do seem to have a definitive span, but There are a few folk. I do think getting involved in stuff is an answer, so is not expecting much.
I take great heart from my Mum. She was left widowed, and also lost her closest friend. She moved to be near my sister and in 2 years she has joined a group of similarly aged ladies, helps them do lunches for the even more elderly etc etc. She was never shy IMO, not hers, but had been so knocked when Dad died. I'm so proud of her. And my message is it's never too late!

I get disappointed in other people. I've been used, bullied and ignored. So I decided a long time ago that I'd not burden anyone with moans or complaints and I'd be funny and good to be around. Frankly it's exhausting and I know I'm not truly being myself. Sometimes I slip up and I get strange comments and looks. I cried once and people were horrified! So I've begun to weed out those who are users and those who are just too much work. I've tried making new friends but something in the back of my mind always says 'really?? Who'd want to be friends with you??' What worries me is that if something truly awful happened who would care?

I agree with mumuindoghouse, it's never too late. My friendships have only really been genuine post mid-30s.

Also, my mum had to move area (to get away from my dad but that's another story). She helps me with DCs, volunteers at hospice, helps her dad, joined an oldies dance group (loves being one of the youngest). When she was with my dad he discouraged friendships. So at 60 she's freer and more confident with herself!

Just a thought, do you make time for friendships and do you cultivate the ones that you're almost making?

I'm very guilty of liking people but not organising things. So the friendships fade. When I make effort, e.g. organise drinks at mine, I find friends are always pleased and we look forward to it and they're happy afterwards. I still get feeling that I'm surprised to be liked, but with my dad and STBXH running me down that's probably understandable.

This thread has resonated with me too. I do have friends, but mainly all from Uni/early 20s (now early 40s) and even at that time there were periods I had no friends it took time to establish. I'm no longer friends with anyone from school, my first year at Uni I thought I had friends but turned out didn't. I then got lucky and found people who are now really good friends. But then 3 years ago I moved abroad and it's so much more difficult as everyone has their own friendship group established. I'm not taking it personally as I totally understand it - when I was in the uk I wasn't interested in making more friends as I already had enough and life's busy with small children anyway. But living abroad I was obviously more open to the idea of new friends! I've been here three years and have made 2 friends, but only managed that as they're both expat mums with DDs of similar age so also on the market for new friends!! One's now moved again, so I'm now open again for another friend. I'm hoping some school mums will turn into friends as DTs are starting school...
My point is that I think making friends has an element of luck, and not to take it too personally. Your circumstances seem like not having good current friends isn't a reflection of the lovely person you no doubt are. I'm planning to fill the hole my friend's departure has left by taking up a hobby (dance classes) and we'll see what hapoens...

Hi first time of posting I think friends are overrated .
People in general can be fickle and two faced the worst I think are other mothers especially in the playground.i have a few good long term friends who I have known for a long time.i think sometimes people are only in your life for certain reasons or amount of time.i wouldn't waste time worrying about have you got a partner or family you can relate to? Different people have different needs some are happy on their own.it s hard to meet people and trust people especially if you ve had bad experiences. meet ups is good I also go to a single parents group. I think hobbies are good ways of meeting people but hard if you have young kids.

A problem for me is I have the skin of a 150-year-old person instead of a rhino. If I detect the merest hint of rejection in someone's tone of voice (or tone of text)... I can't back off fast enough.

Last year (last year!) I decided to make some effort and got in touch with some old friends. I sent an email to a very old friend (birthday and Christmas cards still sent) in October suggesting lunch or a coffee and she replied that she thought she was free in the New Year. Then - in an act of extreme bravery - come the New Year I popped up again and suggested that lunch. This time the reply was that she had a few slots after Easter... I got the message!

Also one thing I've always wanted to do is join a book group. Goodness! Book group members are so mean . Three times I've most humbly enquired about a vacancy and been slapped down with, "We're actually a group of friends ." So embarrassing.

I always promised I wouldn't be my mother, yet here I am mid 30's and no friends.
After being pissed on from a great height by a few I pushed the rest away as it's just easier.

Sometimes it makes me sad, others I'm relieved.
It is embarrassing to admit, there seems to be this assumption that everyone has friends.

I have a couple of really good friends and that's it - the older I get the more a realise that's all I need - people who seem to have loads probably in reality could only say that a couple of them would be there if the chips were down .
I don't drink atall - this seems to result in me being excluded from social gatherings I just see the pics on Facebook lol - don't worry xxxx

I don't have friends either, I have acquaintances or work colleagues, who are lovely but I wouldn't call them friends. Friends I have had in the past seem to be only friends when you can do things for them, give them lifts here and there, they soon fall away when you can't.

I had a small circle of friends once many years ago, from an antenatal class and we used to meet up at each others houses once a week, which was lovely. But I moved a far distance away and some of the others did too and we lost touch really other than for sending the annual Christmas cards. In this area I live now the people are not very friendly at all and I am looked down on for having an unfashionable accent! They actually look down their nose and sneer.

I also now look after a disabled person and have no family nearby so feel very lonely sometimes. That probably puts people off when they find out, in case I become 'needy' but I never put on people or very very rarely. On an odd occasion I have asked for help (and I can only think of one time) I found people were aghast to be asked and too 'busy' (and they had always said "anytime I can help out, please ask"!) so i have given up and I can't be bothered now.

I've also always been a bit of a homebody so not bothered about 'going out' out, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to go for a shopping trip with or a lunch or coffee, just to feel 'normal', it's not the same on your own.

Hey everyone with no friends, where are you all from. Can't we all meet somewhere once a week, a park, pub, shopping, anything. Private message me anyone, tell me where abouts you are and we could meet, it's not a weird way so don't be shy, just some people loose touch with friends, so let's make some new ones, close friendships in the end maybe. Chat on here or pm me and we could swap numbers to chat at the least. We all deserve friends hey...and a down right good giggle!!

declutterqueen I LOVE that advice!

I could have written your post gymboree - it bothers me sometimes, but I have tried lots of groups/neighbours/school mums/etc nothing works.

Im so like you Octonautstotherescue, I get disappointed in people around me. I think because I tried my best to help them when they need and give the best to be a good friend, often I see they don't do the same, then I get sad and cut them off. I lost so many friends ( and don't regret ) so Op don't feel bad, you are not alone, there's lots of people out there who doesn't have friends, but if is something you really want, and I understand, go out there and make an effort calling and arranging to meet the up, and remember one good friend is better than 10 bad ones. And good luck !!!! We are here if you need ...

I wonder if you've thought of trying some volunteering? Is there a 'cause' for which you feel an interest? Before I moved a long distance away from my previous house, I helped out at a charity which ran jumble sales etc to raise money for a local medical charity and it's a good way to meet people. It helps to keep busy and you may find others with whom who have an affinity. The most scary thing is walking into a room alone for the first time. Often you are introduced to others and then you can take it from there.

Have you come far? What attracted you to this ... ? are opening gambits.

Declutterqueen! That's what I love to be, love a good clean out with the old. Anyway, back to the subject! I wouldn't like to join a group, I'd be worked I'd be the one one out, I'm not fro a group though, just after like minded friends to have fun with. Pm me if anyone's the same! I love my own space, but yes like you, sometimes it bothers, but unless we do try the. They won't come to us. I'm open to keep trying to meet people and tough for them if they can't see a genuine funny loyal friendship if it bit them on the backside! Ha. What do we have to loose hey, but think what you could gain, keep chatting on here and you never know you could make a few friends!

Just read my post. Excuse the mistakes, I should proof read before send!

And a big wave back at ya, Mamalicious - I'm near Wakey. You? 😬

I have no friends either ...

Ha. I wish I was mamalicious! Or are you saying that about you, good on you if you are! I'm in aldridge. What's going on, we all have no friends, can't be right, I'm quite normal. We'll I haven't got 2 heads or a thing. If we all met up together we would have a park full! Ha. Least we have on here to chat.

I love this thread: because I thought I was one of a kind, a friend failure, a total loser!!
I'm glad there's others out there who don't have close friends.
70% of the time I'm ok, I get on with work, kids, my own stuff.
But 30% of the time I'm absolutely gutted and envy everyone and beat myself up.
Usually after scrolling through Facebook on a weekend and seeing everyone having fun with their "bezzers" and I have no one.
I wonder where I went wrong...?

Me to. But the. I think.. I haven't gone wrong, they have by letting me down and passing me off and making them selves loose friendships, not the other way round. Stay of face book, that will do you no good, chat I here instead she you want a face book fix! And just try anything you can possibly do to make friends, you are trying this. It might make youa new friend and then a best friend, you never know. I'm up for a chat when ever you want, where you from.

Don't forget you're all welcome to join our Facebook page! It's called MN Social, and we're now up to 140 members. (It's a closed group, so no one will know you've posted on it.)

So my boyfreind coulnt find out anything on there, eve. If he knew my email address? And nothing would show up if my email was typed into Google, it wouldn't say my name and say my name and say I'm on face book as I like that all to be private, cheers for letting us know about it. Hope your well

user it's a closed group rather than a secret group, so it will show a list of members, but you'd have to know to look up the group in the first place to access that. It wouldn't come up on your own Facebook or if somebody Googled your name.