To keep this a massive secret

[Gymboree567]

I've got no friends
There I said it! I never tell anyone, my family, people at work, I feel like it's more embarrassing than a really embarrassing illness!
If I had to make a choice I'd rather tell people about the time I had an anal fissure than admit to having no friends
It's always used as an insult, "billy no mates" "got no friends"

Is it that embarrassing? Should I be keeping it a secret?
If you have friends, do you think it's really weird?

It's possibly an ASD thing.
I have a few close friends who I could call on in an emergency and fellow mothers I speak to in the school playground at drop/pick up time.
I know someone who claims to not have friends as they're too "expensive"!? WTF? My friends don't demand much more than a bottle of wine when we pop round for drinks etc!

I do have friends but I cannot seem to make friendships with my 6 (yes 6!) sisters in law, yet they all appear to be great friends with each other. I'm perfectly nice to them and have helped them out individually many times over the 20+ years I've been part of their family but it doesn't seem to make any difference. They'll come to birthdays, parties etc when I invite them & are happy to accept our hospitality but the invites are never returned. As the years go by I'm getting more and more upset by this but my own sisters and my friends just say they're being b***s and not to let it get to me but I can't understand it and can't help feeling hurt. Does this strike a chord with anyone else?

I make friends easily and have friends I have known for years. You will always have friends where you make the effort. They will be the same with everyone. If you enjoy their company just go with it. Be open and honest with people and they will love you for it. I have had a few hiccups with friends and felt hard done by and upset but anyone that makes you feel bad about yourself, instantly cut them loose. You don't need it! I hope this helps.

Where do you all live?

Bath.

As I get older I am frighteningly content to spend all of my spare time with my husband and children. I feel torn as to whether this is a bad thing or not. My husband is my best friend by an enormous margin, no one else comes even remotely close.

I used to have tonnes of friends. Then slowly as my life got more complicated those friends which I needed the most in my life slowly disappeared. I have people who I am close with and get invited to parties when their is some sort of a gathering but I never attend those anymore. I hang out with dh and dc which I enjoy more now.

Suburbia - nearest city Liverpool

I'm near Edinburgh.

I have no new friends.
I don't do small talk - I'm not interested in bragging, what's the competition , who has what, how much people earn , or what Johnny is doing at school etc.

My friendship group is small .
I have 5 friends and my partner .
Combined their friendship is over 180 yrs. we see each other 2-3 times a year . We always put time in our diaries for each other.
We have never had a cross word and totally loyal to each other. Like any relationship it takes work , and what you put in , is what you get out!
Without them in my life I would be the loser and a lot less of a person than I am today.

Gym there is nothing wrong with you some people are just d*icks I've personally come to the conclusion I'm not a huge people person I have one close friend one semi close ish friend and that's about it, I'm not massively active on Facebook even though I have a big friends list which is mostly because we all joined when Facebook started out and all went to school together and just being nosey really. My family don't really bother the occasional comment and likes, really to be honest I have considered on more then one occasion about deactivating and what has stopped me is the group I'm in for my crocheting hobby they are a lovely bunch of supportive women and some men, and the bloggers part time working mother and Queen Constance they make me laugh are non judgemental and usually the people that follow them are too (there is the odd tool about). My point is Facebook doesn't have to be about the your friends list it can be about the groups join up using a alias so your family don't know and join some groups.

I'm mAnchester and would happily meet for non awkward coffee

I think the most amazing thing about this post is how many people feel don't feel they have REAL friends. I wasn't expecting that! Just goes to show how our perceptions of people might be wildly inaccurate. OP - for what is worth, I don't feel I have any bosom buddies, ie someone I could call at 1am and cry to. Which would be lovely! But, I try to keep things simpler. There are all sorts of friends but it is hard to forge very close friendships. (As this post and responses obviously shows)

I quite like not having friends as it means I don't get used. I've had one too many people befriend me just for what I can do for them. I'm quite independent and happy in my own company and if people think thats weird I'm not really bothered!! I definitely think it's something that I've been Happier with now I've got older (37) than when I was younger. It's each to their own I guess if you are happy like that then it's all good but if not try and make some friends. Maybe join a group activity that you enjoy and you will find like minded individuals but certainly don't worry about it there is nothing wrong with you.

And me! Zero friends. Colleagues, people I know, dh's friends wives, but no friends of my own. I'm fairly nice I think. Praps quite lazy and a little more selfish than I should be, but quite low maintenance. Praps we could all be fwends together?

If anyone is based in Birmingham who would like a friend they don't see very often, who likes cats and eating, has no particular hobbies other than arsing about on the Internet and watching the telly, do feel free to hit me up. I'm quite the catch, evidently!

This may sound harsh but I've been on Mumsnet a long time and this sort of thread frequently comes up - but in my experience some people can come across as incredibly needy regarding friendships.

Personally I have lots of friends and acquaintances, I don't know why but I genuinely find it really easy to make and keep friends, we have moved arond a lot so I have plenty of experience at 'making new friends' - but I am very proactive, I volunteer, join committees, help out in the community, have loads of hobbies and interests etc etc.

My DH finds it very difficult to make friends - but as I see it, he only wants to meet people exactly like him, he is incredibly intolerant of anyone who doesn't share his point of view or have the same interests/values etc. I think he is far too narrow minded and would rather sit at home being 'billy no mates' than get out and about.

I am friends with all sorts of different people - some of whom I really don't share political or cultural views with but I am happy to listen to their views and whilst I may not agree with them, it is interesting to hear a different point of view.

Equally when I meet new people I am happy to be open to new suggestions but what I don't want is someone being over possessive and wanting to be 'exclusive best friends' - it's not like we are at school any longer. .

I'm half glad and half sad to read I am not alone. I spend much if my time feeling incredibly lonely. Like some have posted, I struggle with small talk. I don't enjoy gossip. I love to talk about politics, philosophy, history, literature etc and seem to scare people off with that sometimes! I would really love to meet some new friends. A meet up for coffee or gin would be great!

I'm in London if anyone is interested. :)

Loneliness is actually very serious for your health and research has proved it can shorten your life span.(google this)

I used to have no friends, partly because I moved around a lot but deep down I really believed no one really liked me.
If someone arranged something and I was left out I took that very personally, even if it was very innocent. That then gave me in my own head a reason to avoid them, so I would not get hurt again.
So then I went the other way trying desperately to get people to like me, having their kids, doing their housework, making their wedding dresses etc. This pretty much carried on throughout my thirties - even when I broke up with my ex husband my 'best friend' took him for a drink and hooked up with him after a few days.
Then I had the friend that liked me down on my luck, when things improved she did not like that at all.
Then I met my Husband so lived in a new area, it was a very cliquey sea side town and all the women were almost clannish and made it clear, however friendly they were that I could never be one of them, as they had history together.
So I moved up North and have never looked back. I absolutely did not allow anyone to take advantage of me and instead of trying to get people to like me - stopped and thought do I like you?
Basically after giving up (and one instance of a friend who I had to let go as she was abusing her daughter) I have now made some wonderful friends. This was especially important as I always considered my husband my best friend, but we separated for six months (whole other thread and now happily reunited) But without these women I would have not got through it. I put it down to this mutual interests, no expectations on either side, but if help/support is given it is appreciated and hard work. It takes work to keep in someones life - a text, plan something fun and get to really know someone and love them despite their faults. My best friend now is far from perfect but I do not want perfection in people.
I do think it has helped that I live in a city where people naturally include you, but I also joined groups and said yes to things and come out of my comfort zone. But it took time and energy.
As for Facebook - I have actually been out with a group of girls on several occasions where they try to incite envy in others by making out they are so happy/ pissed up, posing for pic etc. In reality they are nursing a lemonade and moaning about their Husband and everyone else 10 seconds before it is all fake. Like a high school popularity contest.
You all sound lovely - get out the house, if you have tried volunteering try again, the WI or start your own group, join a political party, go to a Buddhist centre (great if you not religious as it is a philosophy and certainly helped with my issues around disappointment in others!!) become a parent governor, start a campaign in something you believe in you just have to find your people. I did not happen until I turned 40!! x

This really resonates with me, too, OP. Growing up I always had best friends, but things went haywire when I went to high school due to bullying and a sexual assault. I turned to alcohol as a result.

I did have an amazing group of close friends at uni, but I was a nightmare to live with, and they walked away - looking back it was understandable, but at the time I felt massively betrayed, and I spent the time until I got sober trying to find replacements for them.

Since I got sober (and this was fifteen years ago), I've never been able to properly let anybody get close to me. I have a lot of acquaintances, but hardly any of them know about my past, because I feel I have to keep it all a secret. I'm also a writer, and I write a lot about my drinking days etc, so I feel I have to keep that a secret as well.

I'd love to have a best friend. I'll never be somebody who's happy having no friends, like some people.

I love writing, literature, politics, The Simpsons, drinking coffee and buying books and makeup. I don't suppose anybody here lives in Norfolk/Suffolk, do they?

Gym you sound lovely! I have a tiny handful of real good friends, we all met at 6th form in the mid 90s and live all over the place. We don't get together often as we all timed kids and careers differently but we arse about on Facebook a lot. They have little kids now and mine are teens so I'm happy to escape and go see them in their various cities for one or two boozy all night chat sessions a year and that's fine. I do miss them though but we are all so busy. I'm in the Midlands and always happy to meet up for coffee/gin/dancing if you are anywhere nearby? I'm feeling the fear about being lonely when my kids fly the nest and should probably make more effort to meet new people

Aristotles you sound lovely (and interesting) too, wish I was closer, would love to meet up

Art do you do AAi have been sober 7 and met lots of people who don't drink through that

Loneliness is actually very serious for your health and research has proved it can shorten your life span.

Possibly the least sensitive comment I have ever seen on mumsnet

I think it's absolutely fine to have few/no close friends if you're content with the situation.
I have a couple of close friends, several people I regularly have a chat with when I see them and I'm completely happy with that.
If you're not happy about the situation then it's really about working out where and how you're going to meet others and I suspect it might be easy for me to write but much harder to do.