To keep this a massive secret

[Gymboree567]

I've got no friends
There I said it! I never tell anyone, my family, people at work, I feel like it's more embarrassing than a really embarrassing illness!
If I had to make a choice I'd rather tell people about the time I had an anal fissure than admit to having no friends
It's always used as an insult, "billy no mates" "got no friends"

Is it that embarrassing? Should I be keeping it a secret?
If you have friends, do you think it's really weird?

I have none. Split from a circle of toxic friends couple of years ago and this is just how it's been since. Still, NO friends are better than shitty friends. But also, yes, I am embarrassed about it too. Like wtf is wrong with me?

My feeling is that groups, circles, FB groups often do end up being quite negative and you end up having to leave. Not always, I have loved being part of a gang of friends when I was much younger, but I've had no real success with it since. I always look for just one nice person at the school gate, or one nice colleague who really listens and talks, and then I just invite them to do something, or suggest hanging out. I always tell my children you don't need to be the most popular person, or have 100's of friends (is it on Instagram, so out of touch), you just need one or two really solid people to be friends with. I think not quite fitting in with a group is quite soul-destroying, so now I don't try to join pre-existing groups or even small groups of colleagues, I find my one or two friends, and often over time that widens, to some of their friends, or their partner...

It also takes ages to get to know people properly. I also have friends at different life stages than me, no kids, a bit older, as they often have more time for friendships and enjoy being involved a tiny bit with a younger family.

If my source of friendships was mum circles at the school gates, I wouldn't have any friends- I have never quite fitted in to these groups, so always sought out the other person who was left on the sidelines who looked friendly and have met some lovely people that way.

< waves>
Hello!!
Another Billy no mates here at nearly 50...
Decided I just don't fit in..I'm blokeish .but straight..don't do girly stuff...3 adult DC...I do all the chasing for my 2 friends. ..I had hoped to develop a friendship with an old colleague. .she will reply to texts.. has only once suggested a meet up..that was to find out work gossip...she no longer works for same company so looks like I've been dropped....If I ever wanted to go away without DH I would have to go on my own. .

I too am friendless. I used to have friends but I'm just really rubbish at keeping in touch with people and too busy with the children. I plan on breeding cats when the children leave.

Interesting thread.I agree with some posters that to be told "You have no friends" is hurtful and can be - if you let it.I felt very self
conscious at school as I was never picked to be the partner in P.E etc.I consider myself to be warm,friendly and loyal. Often nasty ppl have the most friends-I think this applies particularly in School.Amazingly I have been told as an Adult -"You have no friends"-meant to wound ,along with-"Does it bother you that you have no friends?".Just be yourself OP.I am a Loner ( also said by other ppl to my face)but I am really glad I enjoy my own company.Btw-all these negative comments-says more about them than me . to you OP .

OP I'm about 4 hours from London too, but Law of Sod dictates that we're nowhere near each other! I'm in the same boat as many of you lovely other mums - lonely and wanting somebody to meet for an occasional coffee and chat.

I had a great circle of friends and acquaintances, then moved away and have struggled - lots of acquaintances but nobody I could call on for coffee or gin 😢

Have tried to find the FB page mentioned by aristotle but it doesn't show on my results - I'm doomed to not make friends 😢

Felt very sorry for myself recently, have been dwelling on this so this post brought it all to a head again - we had an email refund at work recently reminding colleagues to be nice to each other as some people are lonely at work; I told my closest workmates (small office, four women) that work was the place I felt least lonely. I am officially a sad sack.

Where are you op I'll be your friend, I used to have a big group of girl friends but once I got older and had ds1 we lost touch we all kinda went different ways, now I have 2 very good friends that I met at the school our boys are in the same class. One of them is my absolute rock I don't know what I'd do without her and the other is fab I know she'd be there if I called her. We go out for drinks once a month, and lunch once a week and they both have open invitations to my house for coffee. Have you tried maybe saying I haven't been out in ages my friends are all so busy i could murder a night out, to one of your colleagues? If someone said that to me they'd have an instant invitation to my next night out and then every one after. It totally sucks I know how you must feel for a few years when I was with my ex I had no one.

Anyone in West Yorkshire? (waves hello)

I think it can happen as you grow older - esp if you move house and/or have kids, and people move away, and suddenly you find you can't think of anyone who would like to pop round for a cuppa. Maybe you have friends from a long time ago but they're miles away, and friends who haven't got children or whose are grown up so they're at different stages of socialising? I wonder if we look back on our young single party days when the phone rang non stop and we were always planning our next night out, and think because it's not like that now, we don't have friends in the same way? The thing is - do we really want to? I have some great friends from years ago but we rarely see each other for various reasons, but I still consider them friends. They would come to my ruby wedding . Otherwise I have nice neighbours, a couple of Mums from DCs school who I do occasionally socialise with, and we manage the odd night out as a couple. Not sure I have the time for much more, tbh.....

EverySongbird... It's pants isn't it? Reflecting back over the years, and how I have tried to be a good friend to some people and just been treated like rubbish... hurts.
If I had a friend who would be there for me in a crisis like I have been for others in the past, then I would treasure that friendship and the person who gave it.

I have friends- but no one I would call up randomly just for a chat or arrange to go out with. I tend to keep all my friends at a distance. The ones I would probably like to spend more time with are like me in that they prefer to not to make themselves too available.

How often are you put in situations with people you don't know, where you sort of have to talk to them on a regular basis, OP? Most people manage a small circle of friends at school, because theyre stuck there for 13 years, day in day out whether they like it or not. I think as SAHMs our freedom to be as sociable as we feel like being can be a blessing and a curse. So I suppose I should be taking my own advice and forcing myself to talk to the people I see on the school run etc. Unlikely.

Do you think it's an introvert thing? I like the idea of having friends but I just don't have the energy. My youngest DD aged 40 is the family extrovert and has always had zillions of friends and thrives on spending time with them. I'd be exhausted.

After being bullied growing up I fell in to a lovely circle of 4 very close friends. I treasured this friendship and even leaving home and going to university I didn't emmerse myself fully in the experience as I had best friends from home. Fast forward 10 years they have all moved from the area and I'm left behind clinging to idea I still have friends don't get me wrong we are still in contact but very in frequently. I work as an agency worker so in and out different places everyday so no way to build up friendships. I'm really jealous of people who have work friends. I'm glad this topic has popped up as I can stop kidding myself and try and do something about it.

I also have no friends. I have acquaintances/work mates but no one I would actually be able to rely on in a crisis, meet up with to go shopping or weekends away or even just call for a chat.
I did always have friends in my 20's and had a good social life but when I turned 30 I began to realise I didn't enjoy people's company any more.
I am socially awkward, I always have been but have now learned I am happiest on my own.
I felt better about it when I decided to accept myself for who I was, and told myself it was fine to want to be alone.

People generally annoy me and I feel physically and mentally drained by them now. I can only tolerate short conversations, hate phone calls and social events.
I personally think friends are overrated.

I have no friends, you'd never know it though, if you met me. I'm very friendly, come across pretty confident and for the most I am confident, I can hold a conversation, make people laugh etc.

I find the whole thing very draining though, so for the majority of the time, I actively avoid contact. Dh always says that I could have friends if I wanted and made s bit of effort, I simply won't do it. If anyone asks if I'd like to do anything, they don't see me for dust, lol

Yes, it's embarrassing, more for the fact people would think "sad bastard", if they knew. Lol

I have barely any friends.
Only one that actually bothers to text me.
When i got ill people seemed to drift away.
It's really depressing thinking that if i weren't here noone would care.

mamalicious big wave from Greater Manchester 😀

Mycrane I agree, it's an introvert thing, I'm happy without friends really as I'm happy being in my own, pottering, reading etc. I have flashes of extrovert and keep up friendly exchanges but it drains me.

Like I say, I avoid contact but when I force myself to do it, I always have a great time, but by the time the next time vines round, it's back to square one.

I look at people who are more extrovert and usually think they're great, but don't want to be them.

All my friends have long gone . but I have 3 wonderful children and a loving husband. My family and I are still close, so I don't feel I'm missing out on things. My husband is my best friend and as cliched as it sounds that's all I want. As long as you are happy then what does it matter? People who say they have loads of friends aren't always happy with their life. It's better to have 1 or 2 close friends (or none) then a huge entourage that means nothing to you.

Gym. I am INFJ (very similar to your personality type above).

I suspect the difference between us is you seem to want friends and I don't. I have people every few days wanting lunch with me - often work related but not always - someone even asked me on a luxury yacht trip yesterday and I'm afraid I said no. I just know my own personality type - a day without that trip with no work meetings will be bliss for me; whereas the trip I would not look forward to, probably only slightly enjoy at the time and just does not suit my desire to have a lot more of my own company than I ever manage to achieve.

I don't have friends either. I have people I what's app and work colleagues but no one I can text on a Friday night to see if they want to go for a drink. I've been living in the uk for close to 12 years and my main friend was my sister who moved to Australia 5 yrs ago. My husband always says I don't make enough effort and doesn't understand why I haven't made any friends. It makes me sad because I have made loads of effort and I really really would like even just 1 friend (cue the violin). I think I'm a nice person, don't smell (not too much anyway), quite loyal and interesting (I think)! But no. Tried with the mums at my sons' schools, ladies at work, ladies from my country, children's centre, Internet friendship groups, hubby's friends wives! I'm getting to the point where I'm giving up.

Hi Gym - I am fairly new around here and would just like to say this is the nicest and most open thread I've seen - which makes a change! My DH has no friends and I can see that most people misunderstand him - they think he somehow looks down on them - which is so not the case - he just can't do small talk and is uncomfortable in social situations (he says he feels like Dag!). I was the opposite but we went to two weddings recently (both my friends!) and I see what he means - most people are hard work and I am beginning to prefer less is more! I think you all here sound likeminded and that you can get together - sounds more fun than the often bunch of precious ones you have to put so much effort into! 💐

I'm staggered you had 400 friends on Facebook. I can't even imagine knowing that many people - isn't there anyone amongst these with potential?
I would consider counselling. I went over friendship issues and it helped me enormously. I would look to you like someone who had established friendships but I was quite miserable, insecure and lonely.
Also, is there something you and your husband could do together which could lead to meeting people as a couple? Dancing? Golf? Walking group?
You mentioned you were bullied at school due to you looks. Are you still insecure about your looks? Is there something you could do to increase your confidence? Get your teeth fixed? Go on a diet? Whatever you feel would make a difference.

I had no friends until I became a mum 5 years ago. I was so lonely, left out of all work meet-ups and at the other end of the country from my family and childhood friends. I tried joining gyms, doing lots of evening classes and getting part time jobs but couldn't make a friendship stick. Once pregnant I joined several meet a mum groups and birth clubs and have made lots of local friends this way. I then went on to join the committees of both our local toddler group and my son's preschool in which I made more friends. I also joined our local church which also runs a playgroup and has close links with the school my sons went on to attend and made another friend there. I found that once I had a small network of friends in our local community then I would keep meeting them in different contexts, sometimes with other people and it naturally grew my social circle. It's worth seeing if there's anything local you can join that might help.