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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they invited the wrong child?

312 replies

HyunaRiddle · 01/08/2016 20:10

I have triplet girls, they're 8 years olds.

2 are Brownies and 1 is a Cub

Youngest DD who is a brownie is very good friends with a girl, who is also a brownie, we've taken her out numerous times, DD has stayed over at her house overnight, I know the mum fairly well.

It's the girl's birthday next week and we've received 2 invites by email, for DD1 and DD2 not DD3.

DD2 is a Cub, has never spent more then a a few hours with the birthday girl, doesn't really like her all that much, but the name on the invite is clearly for DD2.

Do you think that they just put down the wrong name?

OP posts:
Becky546 · 03/08/2016 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyndaNotLinda · 03/08/2016 18:59

Cat - the OP had a telephone conversation with her. The triplet that has been left out is the one that has had sleepovers/playdates, etc. I think the mum is probably aware of what her name is Hmm

Original poster
HyunaRiddle · 03/08/2016 19:00

CatOnMyLap I'm going to assume you didn't read the thread Grin

For anyone who wants an update: DD3 now knows she wasn't invited, she just wouldn't stop asking to go, DH sat her down and explained as I just couldn't do it.

She's more angry then sad & thinks it's because she didn't want to share at tent with x at Brownie camp, it was 3 to a tent & DD3 was suppose to be sharing with x and another girl but got scared and asked to swap so that she could share a tent with DD1 instead, the camp was the last time they say each other as we went away on holiday.

Seems a bit harsh but it's the only thing DD3 can think of.

OP posts:
IwannaSnorlax · 03/08/2016 19:08

I'm glad she knows Op - guess that might be understandable on behalf of the birthday girl, although still not very nice. Hope your DD is ok & you all enjoy your day.

altiara · 03/08/2016 19:14

Poor DD3. (I don't think I could have told her either).

EweAreHere · 03/08/2016 19:15

I suspect the tent situation may have been the wildcard factor, OP. Was probably still on X's mind when she invited the sisters and excluded DD3 ... and 8 year old girls know EXACTLY what they're doing, no matter how nice they generally are.

I know. I work in Year 3 and 4 classes with 7, 8 and 9 year old girls, and believe me, they know what they're doing when they do it. It's exasperating and tiring with that age group, but I assume they'll grow out of it eventually!

altiara · 03/08/2016 19:21

Understandable for DD3 to not be invited but very calculated choice for birthday girl to instead invite DD3's siblings that birthday girl doesn't play with/know well. That is really sending DD3 a message!! I'm pleased for DD3 that it's the school holidays and there is time for her to get over this and so easy for you to say no to play dates.

RandomMess · 03/08/2016 19:25

Off at a tangent here op but I had to laugh that you think you will have loads more free time when they are teens/older!!!!

I have 3 dds with only 3 years between all, I am currently a taxi service each weekday evening... oh yes the weekends too and that is just for their pastimes!

MammouthTask · 03/08/2016 19:44

Well that's your explanation then. I suspect the mum knew about it too...

Enjoy the day out with all 3 of them :)

CodyKing · 03/08/2016 19:53

Looks like this friend wanted revenge and it back fired -

Yes they know what they're doing - I'm glad your DD knows and understands where she is -

WatchKit for any continued meanness at school!! These things escalate quickly!

Original poster
HyunaRiddle · 03/08/2016 19:57

Random, let me dream. My taxi days will end as soon as they turn 11, I am counting down the days.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 03/08/2016 20:09

RandomMess, OP I had exactly the same reaction. Grin Start saving for those driving lessons and count the days (and prepare to wince at the insurance). Its the only way you stop becoming a taxi service unless you have miraculously good public transport.

OP I'm with you, twins/triples/more need to be recognised as individuals not multibuys. We don't know what constraints were on party child's parents and 8yr olds vary as much in their attitudes/fickleness as adults do. There is no '8yr olds do this' as you are well positioned to know.

It could be the camping thing but at least one of mine faced with a limited numbers party at this age thought it would be a good idea to invite 'to be' friends rather than already-friends. We ended up with a mix of some sort but I know that when younger any limited numbers type party resulted in some oddly arbitrary choices. It was always easier to have a 'village hall' or outdoor games type party which was more flexible on numbers until they were a bit older

uhoh1973 · 03/08/2016 20:13

Ach this is tricky. I think you will have to gently explain that it will be too hard on the one not invited so best if the 3 of them do something with the birthday girl another day? But in the meantime the 2 of them cannot come (without the 3rd). Seems the only solution...

DD invited another girl who didnt come to the party. The next year we invited her and her sister (who is 15 months older) and bingo they both came! People who only have 1 child may not understand how upsetting it is for the child not partying?

Rachel0Greep · 03/08/2016 20:14

Aah, poor little mite. It's better that she knows now though.

SirVixofVixHall · 03/08/2016 20:14

The tent thing is probably it. Children can get super huffy about things like that . I am just stunned that someone said "Its her birthday, she can invite whoever she likes!". Really? She's eight years old. This is where parents step in and point out how mean it is to leave out a friend and ask her triplet siblings instead. Or how mean it is to ask 99% of a class. Or how it is kind and polite to ask the child whose party you went to , even if you don't like her all that much etc etc. I've done this for every party we've ever had, and my dds have always understood and would now work that out for themselves, they say "I can't invite x without y even though I never play with y, because they are best friends" etc. The only time I've allowed them to not invite someone who was on a suggestion list is when that someone has been horribly bullying over a lengthy period of time. Not at all appliacable in this case. I think the Mother has been really drippy over this, and not given her dd any advice or guidance. Bad form.

RandomMess · 03/08/2016 20:16

How come your taxi days end when they are 11?

We have rugby, athletics, footie, dance, hockey and as they improve some are more than once a week less...

Original poster
HyunaRiddle · 03/08/2016 20:27

Random, 11 just seems like an appropriate age, they'll hopefully be going to our local secondary which is a 20 min bus ride and if they can catch the bus alone/together, they can catch a bus to their Scout/Guide hut and the sports centre, which are both closer than the school.

I refuse to drive them around after that age and I'm not backing down (unless it's winter and it's really dark and they need to be picked up)

OP posts:
bevelino · 03/08/2016 20:32

OP I have triplets and this has happened to my girls in the past. A quick friendly phone call resolved matters.

RandomMess · 03/08/2016 20:33

Sounds like you are in with a chance!!!

My DDs have a long walk to and from school but all their activities are either 40 minute walk plus bus plus walk or 2 buses plus walk away Sad

As they get older it gets more feasible that they get themselves there but in the dark etc I'm not happy about them waiting for bus change at the bus station 7/8pm at night, not to mention the cost of buses...

Original poster
HyunaRiddle · 03/08/2016 20:33

C8H Although I'm looking forward to when they can finally drive, their's no way we're paying for 3 cars/insurance. Would it be insane to make 3 16 year olds share an old banger?

OP posts:
Original poster
HyunaRiddle · 03/08/2016 20:38

Random, how do you fit in all those activities Shock I've restricted mine to 2 each and the time it consumes is just insane. We live in London, so great public transport system and free bus travel under 16 & I'm going to make full use of it. If they want to do any activities as a teen, they better be able to get themselves there.

OP posts:
CatsAndCocktails · 03/08/2016 20:51

bevelino have you rtft?

Eight year old girls definitely know what they are doing but what I find bizarre is that the birthday girl seemed to think that the two of the triplets that she wasn't friends with would go to her party and choose her over their sister!

stickystick · 03/08/2016 20:51

When I was five, a classmate called Navid invited the entire class to his birthday party except me. I thought for ages he'd forgotten my invitation or it was lost in the post, but it turned out I definitely wasn't invited.

Several decades later (ahem) I still remember this very clearly...

RandomMess · 03/08/2016 20:55

You live in London, all makes sense!!!

Well basically DH WFH finished at 3pm so does all the supermarket shopping/thinking/cooking whilst I taxi drive...

Have I mentioned the expense as they get older... Sad

Oblomov16 · 03/08/2016 20:59

Now it makes sense. Party girl was probably very upset that dd3 suddenly didn't want to share a tent with her on cub camp. She wouldn't have known that dd3 was scared. She just would have been very hurt.
Presumably?

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