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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they invited the wrong child?

312 replies

HyunaRiddle · 01/08/2016 20:10

I have triplet girls, they're 8 years olds.

2 are Brownies and 1 is a Cub

Youngest DD who is a brownie is very good friends with a girl, who is also a brownie, we've taken her out numerous times, DD has stayed over at her house overnight, I know the mum fairly well.

It's the girl's birthday next week and we've received 2 invites by email, for DD1 and DD2 not DD3.

DD2 is a Cub, has never spent more then a a few hours with the birthday girl, doesn't really like her all that much, but the name on the invite is clearly for DD2.

Do you think that they just put down the wrong name?

OP posts:
whirlwinds · 01/08/2016 21:18

Don't think I would send any of the girls when it's like that tbh, as it would cause a lot of upset for dd3 to be excluded like that. Have no doubts people will disagree but the parents should have shown more common sense in this matter knowing what they do and taken the one or all-card regarding the triplets.

Haudyerwheesht · 01/08/2016 21:18

The parents have fucked up massively. Nobody in their right mind does this. Arrange something else for the day and say you can't make it. All very mean.

Hippee · 01/08/2016 21:19

Definitely don't send any of them. Does DD3 know about the invitations?

TransformersRobotsInDaSky · 01/08/2016 21:21

What an odd thing to do. I agree with all the above saying send none of them, find something else you can all do together.

elephantoverthehill · 01/08/2016 21:22

Whilst I really disagree with inviting 2 out of 3, it is going to happen in the future. I would accept the invitations and take the other triplet out on her own for some 1:1 time. I expect triplets might not get that very often. I also meant to say earlier OP, well done for 2 being in Brownies and 1 in Cubs.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 01/08/2016 21:23

She probably forgot to add DD3 parties are hard to set up. When I set up parties for my children I always get left with the siblings I don't mind who ever don't turn up gets their food. No waste what so ever but I would mention it to her. I had a parent say to me that all three children have to go because they go everywhere together which I didn't mind.

Haudyerwheesht · 01/08/2016 21:23

I don't think the problem is them inviting 2/3, or it isn't for me at least. The problem is they haven't invited the one Dd who is most obviously friends with the girl.

minipie · 01/08/2016 21:24

Hang on, the one who has been left out is the one who is friendliest with birthday girl? That's crazy.

Have they fallen out maybe? could this be some sort of nasty "revenge" by birthday girl? Otherwise it's just really really weird.

rollonthesummer · 01/08/2016 21:24

What do you say to the mum? I find this incredible.

I hope you told her you were busy and you never mention any of this to your girls

I would keep the mum at arms length I future as well-for her to let those invites go out, she sounds like a complete cow.

plimsolls · 01/08/2016 21:26

Ooof. What are you going to do hyuna? Are your girls experienced enough/close enough to decide between themselves what they want to do about it or do you need to decide for them? What a horrible situation.

proudnewMNaddict · 01/08/2016 21:26

Who leaves out ONE of a set of triplets?? It's not even like they're siblings with an age gap. What an arsehole Hmm

Donthate · 01/08/2016 21:27

Sounds very odd. Just decline the party invite and make sure you are busy that day

Original poster
HyunaRiddle · 01/08/2016 21:28

It was a very awkward phone call and she clearly felt bad as she repeated
that it was her DDs choice numerous times and perhaps she wanted to spend some time with DD2 as she's never with her but always with DD3.

Elephant, it's already happened, DD1 & DD3 have received Brownie/Rainbow invites and DD2 obviously hasn't but that's easier to explain & accept. I did try and make them all Brownies, but lots of DD2's friend were Beavers instead of Rainbows so she asked to join that instead.

OP posts:
Katy92 · 01/08/2016 21:29

Was her mum 100% sure she's gone and invite dd2 who doesn't really like the girl?! Did she not just think you were wondering why she'd not invited all three?

Seems very mean either way- I understand keeping costs down and at some point all three won't get invited out to event together- however if dd3 isn't invited and it's her friend, she'll feel awful :(

Sunshineonacloudyday · 01/08/2016 21:29

Oh no OP I would not send none of the children the mum sounds mean and thoughtless. You have to think about whether you want to continue this friendship. I don't have it in me to leave out a child especially a sibling to your other 2 children.

rollonthesummer · 01/08/2016 21:29

DD2 is most likely not going to want to go, they're going ice skating/bowling and she's not a very big fan of those activities, DD3 is going to feel awful

OMG, this makes it sound like you're going to actually tell your daughters who is invited and who isn't. Are you?

FeelingSmurfy · 01/08/2016 21:30

There could be limited room in cars etc so it is understandable that they might not be able to invite all three

Inviting 2 is pushing it, better to invite 1 or 3

Inviting the two who don't normally play with her and not the one she spends loads of time with and has sleepovers with? Crazy! That is really not on, there is no way any of them would be going if they were my daughters, and I wouldn't be offering another sleepover either, I would wait for them to make the first move (which they may not if you turn down the invites) see how it goes and then decide whether or not to offer anything yourself

GlitterNails · 01/08/2016 21:30

Oh, that's really sad for her.

paxillin · 01/08/2016 21:30

I would turn it down I think. What do the girls say, children often have an acute sense for injustice.

rollonthesummer · 01/08/2016 21:31

I would have told her what I thought over the phone.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 01/08/2016 21:34

If you don't want to lose a friendship and save face then just send DD1 and explain to the mum that DD2 doesn't like activities like that. Don't tell DD2 and DD3 about the invites just tell them DD1 got an invite. Then they wont think nothing of it.

monkeywithacowface · 01/08/2016 21:35

One of ds's friends is a twin I've always invited them both to parties etc. I know lots of twin mum's are happy for them to have separate social lives but I could never bring myself to just invite one. As for triplet inviting just one would be OK but inviting two and leaving one out is really mean.

paxillin · 01/08/2016 21:36

But they are 8, birthday girl will tell them... secrecy works at 4 maybe.

proudnewMNaddict · 01/08/2016 21:36

The birthday child sounds rather mean as well tbh - why would a kid choose NOT to invite the kid she is closest to? At eight years old they understand the concept of leaving people out as well Confused twat of a mother

proudnewMNaddict · 01/08/2016 21:36

The birthday child sounds rather mean as well tbh - why would a kid choose NOT to invite the kid she is closest to? At eight years old they understand the concept of leaving people out as well Confused twat of a mother

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