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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they invited the wrong child?

312 replies

HyunaRiddle · 01/08/2016 20:10

I have triplet girls, they're 8 years olds.

2 are Brownies and 1 is a Cub

Youngest DD who is a brownie is very good friends with a girl, who is also a brownie, we've taken her out numerous times, DD has stayed over at her house overnight, I know the mum fairly well.

It's the girl's birthday next week and we've received 2 invites by email, for DD1 and DD2 not DD3.

DD2 is a Cub, has never spent more then a a few hours with the birthday girl, doesn't really like her all that much, but the name on the invite is clearly for DD2.

Do you think that they just put down the wrong name?

OP posts:
Original poster
HyunaRiddle · 01/08/2016 21:37

The girls have no idea, I only received the email this evening, I don't decide if they can go to things based on how many of them have been invited but this is new territory, I told her I'd consider it, but as DD2 won't want to go and DD3 would be hurt, I think it's best to decline.

RollOn, what was I suppose to do, yell over the phone at her for daring to not invite one my kids to her DDs party?

OP posts:
Sunshineonacloudyday · 01/08/2016 21:39

Blame the child.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 01/08/2016 21:40

You have to be painfully polite.

rollonthesummer · 01/08/2016 21:41

Nowhere did I suggest yelling. I just would have told her over the phone that under the circumstances none of my girls would be able to attend. Because it's a really horrible thing to do and I would want her to understand that's what I thought.

elephantoverthehill · 01/08/2016 21:44

I agree it is a weird situation, but my advice now would be to sleep on it, and allow the Birthday girl's Mum to do the same. She might become a little more sane in the morning. After all she has cancelled a holiday etc. so may be a bit stressed out.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 01/08/2016 21:49

I agree with elephant and money maybe tight and in order to keep the peace she allows dd to choose. I would tell her how you feel and mention about your dd3 feeling left out she will understand.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 01/08/2016 21:50

It will give her a chance to invite someone else her daughter might be kicking off over not going away on holiday.

LyndaNotLinda · 01/08/2016 21:50

I would reply tomorrow and say 'I'm sorry but neither Dd1 nor Dd2 will be able to attend X's party. I'm sure you understand why.'

She needs to know that she shouldn't be condoning this shitty behaviour from her kid.

milkysmum · 01/08/2016 21:53

I think that is really mean and if I had been that mother there is no way I would have sent that invite out.
If I was you I would politely decline and take all 3 girls out somewhere for the day instead

minipie · 01/08/2016 21:58

I think I'd say something like

"Thanks for the invitation. It sounds great but I think I'd better decline as DD3 would be very hurt that X has left her out. Hope to get the girls together soon"

Makes everything clear without ranting or being rude iyswim.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 01/08/2016 22:03

That's really baffling from the birthday girl. Why on earth would she leave her actual good friend out and invite her sisters? Sounds spiteful and deliberate. The parents shouldn't have let that happen.

I'd decline too. I wouldn't upset my child like that and it sends a message that shitty behaviour won't be tolerated.

Ameliablue · 01/08/2016 22:05

I'd normally day is it's up to the child who she invites but this is may and the mother shouldn't have agreed to it.

littleprincesssara · 01/08/2016 22:06

The birthday girl didn't invite her good friend, but invited her good friend's sister whom she barely knows?

Maybe they've had some kind of tiff and the bday girl is being childish? Young girls can be very dramatic.

paxillin · 01/08/2016 22:08

Chances are she'd come back and have all three. It's hard to find guests for a summer holiday kids party.

Lelloteddy · 01/08/2016 22:08

BIzard. A few weeks ago there was a thread on here from a twin mum who was upset on one of her children's behalf because only one twin was invited to the party of a child who was friendly with both twins. She was handed her arse on a plate for being so unreasonable.
Why the discrepancy with this thread?

BTW OP YANBU.

Lalal00p5y · 01/08/2016 22:10

The birthday girl is being spiteful. I'd plan something else for the girls on that day but make it clear to the mother why they won't be attending!

Letseatgrandma · 01/08/2016 22:15

Why the discrepancy with this thread?

I think that's quite a different scenario.

LowAMH · 01/08/2016 22:15

I would decline

Nocabbageinmyeye · 01/08/2016 22:16

That's awful!! There was a thread here recently and the general consensus was its ok to invite one twin and not the other but this is totally different as the one being left out is the friend.

I would email back "Neither dd's invited will be attending. Usually I am fine with one or two of the three girls being invited to things but given dd3 is actually x's friend this would just be, imo, cruel. It's not something I am willing to do. I appreciate you gave your daughter a choice but in the spirit of being fair and teaching my girls a good lesson then in this instance I am not giving my girls a choice, although I believe they would agree it would be in bad taste to accept and leave their sister out too"

I couldn't not say something, I'm.all for kids having a choice but you have to teach them right from wrong too, that invite should never have been sent

avamiah · 01/08/2016 22:17

Just a mix up, I would hope .
Personally if it was me I would invite all three and so would my 6 year old.
However my little one didn't get invited to one of her friends party this year but did last year.
I put that down to the mother and that I don't really chat to her much because I'm busy working and don't see her.
Anyway in my opinion don't send the other two and see if she mentions it.

Ameliablue · 01/08/2016 22:17

The discrepancy between the threads is probably because she had invited a triplet she isn't friends with in favour of one she is, that is obviously going to be more hurtful to the one who has been left out than a simple exclusion.

foursillybeans · 01/08/2016 22:19

I agree that birthday girl's mum may well be regretting her decision and not sure what to do and stressed out after cancelling a holiday. I hate organising parties and often wish I had put my foot down with invites or finished the party earlier or later and that's without other problems.

I would probably just be proactive and say no on behalf of all my DDs first thing in the morning and then organise something else to do that day that all three girls would enjoy. Then I wouldn't give it another thought.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 01/08/2016 22:19

And if she comes back and says dd3 can come too, which I suspect she will, I'd tell her not a hope and you wish little Veruca a happy birthday

Johnny5isAlive · 01/08/2016 22:19

I think there's an overreaction from some posters here. It's not really mean of the other DM. She allowed her DD to chose the friends and that's what happened.
I've invited 1 of twins before to parties. No big deal from that aspect.
It does seem strange the girl didn't chose her closest friend but maybe they've recently fallen out.
If DD3 will be upset (you know her best) then perhaps arrange a clash son you have a valid reason to decline, without letting on to your DDs

ghostspirit · 01/08/2016 22:19

i think what elephant said a couple of pages back sounds reasonable let them go to the invite and have some 1 2 1 with your other dd. do something special together ?