To be really upset by pils text

[AdmiralCLingus]

Dd goes to them on Sundays while I'm at work. She's complaining tonight that her tummy hurts because she fell on it today so I text them and asked about it because I don't know whether she's genuinely hurt something or just saying things so I don't put her to bed. (It wouldn't be the first time)

Fil has replied

She didn't fall on or in anything here today we are getting a bit fed up of the continual third degree every time we look after her. We would not allow her to damage herself in any way if it could be avoided. Also we would be sure to tell you if she had.

I really don't understand where this response has come from... it's not like I text them every week accusing them of hurting her or anything! And I also know they wouldn't let her get hurt or anything like that, I just don't know what to her.

I feel pathetic that it's upset me so much

Let your DH handle it. They're his parents

What was your text to them?

Guess it depends on what you put in your text

Phone them or get dh to and speak rather than texting. People read more into things by text and you will no doubt get things sorted out really quickly. Explain your feelings, I am sure they're just trying to reassure you. Yanbu to ask them the question or feel upset, but they may also nbu either, maybe they have just misunderstood

They are my exes parents sorry

We had been talking about what she had for dinner and I said she had enjoyed it but is now saying she has a tummy ache because she fell over today?

Have you ever asked them anything like this before? Do you give them any specific instructions about looking after her? Just trying to work out exactly how unreasonable they're being (because they are definitely being unreasonable) by seeing if there's anything they could have got themselves worked up about prior to this.

agree texting is shit

What did you send?

Id get your dh to ring them. Hopefully it's a miss understanding. Although it would upset me too

I don't think I've ever asked before. Last weekend she fell over and grazed her legs. They didn't tell me, she did when we got home (and I could see the graze) but I didn't question them about it.

Crossed post.

I would ring and explain.

I would apologise straight away, obviously you should know and trust that they would tell you if she hurt herself, why would you let them look after her otherwise. I hate it when people think you're good enough to do child/pet care but can't be trusted to actually take care of them.

How was your text worded?

I would ring them. Too easy for texts to be misunderstood.

may be she wants some time with you, bed is a bit boring for a child.

No specific instructions, I just drop her off and go usually. Unless she is actually unwell and then I'll tell them that she's had calpol at whatever time or something like that

I would ring and explain, but I wouldn't apologise. If my child was still complaining of pain hours later and said she fell I would ask them. Wouldn't mean I didn't trust them, sometimes things can slip your mind if they appear insignificant.

"She enjoyed her potatoes but is now saying she has tummy ache because she fell on it today?"

(They were in the garden digging up the potatoes when I got there)

Texting them instead of calling them makes it seem more of a 'third degree'. Just talk to them if you want to check, then they will hear that you are wondering if she is creating any-bed drama. OF COURSEWORK they would have told you if she had had an accident!

I only asked in text because we were already engaged in a text conversation about the potatoes! I probably wouldn't have even mentioned it otherwise

Don't apologise! Of course if your child is insisting she is hurting then you should try and get to the bottom of it. Are people actually suggesting you ignore that so as not to offend someone else??

I'd ring them and talk about it, rather than text. Be clear but calm and friendly. If you have a good relationship with them I'd say something along the lines of...

"Hi, thanks for having her today. She really enjoyed herself. I just got your text and thought I'd ring instead as it's probably easier to talk rather than message. She said she hurt herself so I was just asking - I didn't mean to upset you and of course I know you care for her and would let me know. I didn't mean to offend you - sorry if I did. I hope you understand that if she tells me something I do need to ask you. If there is anything similar in future, I'll ring you instead of text as maybe we are getting crossed wires."

Agree with others.
a) depends what you said in your text
b) depends how often you've asked before

Also agree the sensible thing would be to give them a quick ring, apologis e for any misunderstanding and explain what you said here about dd trying to avoid bed, and that you weren't in any way accusing them of anything and are really sorry if it came across like that. Its much easier to misinterpret a text than a conversation, so put it right before lasting damage done.

I've scrolled back through all of the texts I've sent them since January (we don't text often) there is not a single other text about her hurting herself apart from them asking how she was while we were on holiday and I told them she had tripped up the stairs and bruised her leg .... but that's not me asking!!!!